Cruising through Grief

Spent a week at sea on the "WomanSage Cares" Cruise for Caregivers. I thought it would be restful, but it was extremely busy, a bit stressful, and now I need a think I need a vacation. Unfortunately, no vacation is in sight, so I'm back in the office.

Nothing - I mean NOTHING - prepared me for the loss of my mom. I miss her every day. It's similar to how I felt after losing my first husband. Mom had been on Silverado Hospice for almost a year, so we definitely had time to get used to the idea of her passing. The "idea" and the "real thing" are quite different. There were days when I was so OVER being a family caregiver that I actually hoped the end would come sooner rather than later. I eat those words every day since Mom died. I miss her that much! And I'm proud to say it. She was a sensational human being, even when she was being difficult.

Gary is very understanding and patient with my grief. He continues to take good care of Mom's dog, Bailey, who might just be a "pygmy sheep." I had to post this photo of him. He weighed 17.2 pounds when we took him to the vet after Gary retrieved him from Mom's apartment. He should weigh 7 pounds. The vet told us we needed to put him on a diet, but that he should only lose a half pound a month. Then he took Bailey to a back room and cleaned out his "poopy glands," as I call them. Whoa! We put the dog back on the scale on our way out and he was down to 16.5 pounds. Gary whooped, "All right, Bailey - there's your weight loss for January!" It made me laugh. I'm still laughing and Bailey is still losing a little weight every week. He can walk now without falling on his tummy because his legs are getting stronger and his girth smaller. Plus he's doing much better in the housebreaking department. Gary is crate training him and Bailey has had only had two "accidents" in almost a month. Gary's relationship with Bailey brightens my spirits. I love watching them walk around the backyard together - big guy and little dog - very funny. I'm happy Bailey is doing so well and I think Mom must be happy about that too.

The past couple of nights are the first ones I've slept through in weeks. Even the gentle rocking of the ship which usually puts me right to sleep didn't do the trick on the cruise. The best day was spent in Ensenada with our friends, Linda, Bob, Kym and Greg. I'm not allowed to post any photos of that day, but the copious laughter did help me sleep pretty well that night!