The Christmas Catheter

The Hallmark Channel and the Family Channel are already broadcasting those corny holiday movies that I love - the sappier the better. I watch them late at night while Gary is sleeping. I'd much rather fall asleep crying because Santa Claus brought a new mom to a needy little boy than crying about the mortgage industry going to hell and the daily death toll in Iraq.

Last night as I watched a TV movie called "The Christmas List," I began wondering if I could write my own sappy holiday script. I came up with a good one - "The Christmas Catheter." It's about a grumpy 90 year-old man with prostate problems who makes life miserable for everyone around him, especially his angelic caregivers, who pray for better days. Their prayers are answered when Doc Santa inserts a catheter and the old man actually feels better. The caregivers celebrate together by making a snowman out of unused Depends and put it in the old man's living room, while singing "Frosty the Snowman."

I know the story needs work, but hey, it's a start. Don't expect me to be crossing the Writer's Guild picket lines. I'll have to wait till next year to pitch this one.