Jack's 90th Birthday

Jack's 90th birthday celebration at the Newport Harbor Yacht Club on Valentine's Day was a fabulous party - just the kind of party he would have loved. There were about 60 people in attendance, from Dave Fraser, who's pushing 90, to sweet baby Kendall, who turns one in March. Kirk Moore brought his keyboard and played Jack's favorite songs. Mom held court in her wheelchair and relished every minute of sharing a good time with family members and old friends.

I have to share a funny story about Dave, because it's so appropos in my caregiving realm. He arrived with his beautiful wife, Ellie (pictured here), their daughter, Laurie, who is one of my dearest friends, and Laurie's husband, Barry. After greeting me with hugs and pleasantries, David asked me, "Is this an open bar?" I replied, "There is wine, beer and soda compliments of the family and a cash bar for mixed drinks." His face turned red as he sucked in his breath, looking as if he might explode. "You gotta be kiddin' me," he blasted. "Jack Garner would want us to have a drink. Jack Garner wouldn't want us to pay for our drinks." Ellie appeared to be stunned speechless. Laurie raised her eyebrows and said, "Stop that, Dad." He puffed up a little more and his expression turned into a pout. "I can't believe this. Jack wouldn't like this at all."

I worked for David in his yacht insurance office for six years, during and after college. He and Ellie have been some of my parents' best friends as far back as I can remember, so I'm used to his antics, and I love him. What made this experience of Dave a bit different was the way Laurie stood up to him. As he started to speak up again, Laurie got in his face and said, "That's enough Dad! If you keep this up, you can go home!"

Five minutes later, a more jovial Dave was on the other side of the room, sitting with my mom, raising his glass of white wine in a toast to Jack. I got a kick out of his decision not to pay for his mixed drink and have a glass of wine on us instead. I guess Laurie's threat to put him in a "time out" worked well, because he behaved himself the rest of the day.

This kind of dialog - between Laurie and David - is happening all the time between Baby-Boomer family caregivers and their elderly loved ones who tend to act out in the same way children do. It's what I call the "parenting your parents syndrome." Although it's never easy, it helps to have a sense of humor, and thankfully, my friend, Laurie, has one of the best! And lucky Laurie also has a very gracious and lovely mom to complement her crusty dad.