Suspending Judgment

One of the big challenges many of us face during the holidays is letting go of our expectations of how the season is supposed to be. I love to say, "Life is good." It became my mantra in the early 80's after I heard a catchy little John Denver tune titled "Life is so good." In the 90's someone sent me a "Life is good" t-shirt with a happy little stick figure wearing a beret. I wore it a lot but somehow the shirt and the slogan lost their luster when my first husband died in April 1995. The shirt went to the Goodwill during the holiday season that year along with lots of other stuff I could no longer bear to look at or keep. That was the year I realized how horrible the holidays can be when you are stuck in a place where nothing in your life feels good.

I'm bringing this up because this past weekend I had a delightful time with my family celebrating the lighting of a big pine tree in Idyllwild, CA. There was a serious chill in the air that seemed to put everyone in the mountain town in a festive mood. We drank hot cider and cocoa and talked with people in the street, watched Santa Claus arrive by fire engine and went to The Lumber Mill for a burger. At the restaurant I overheard some jolly young men dressed in camouflage uniforms tell the hostess they were from Camp Pendleton Marine Base. I wondered how they could be so cheerful given the nature of their current business. For a moment I was reminded that NOT everyone feels like celebrating during the holidays.

After dinner we visited the local shops, checking out trinkets, trash and treasures - all the stuff that makes a quaint little town even more fun. In the back of one of the shops I saw t-shirts featuring the familiar "Life is good" stick figure. As I got closer, I noticed the saying emblazoned on this shirt was "Life is crap." I laughed out loud remembering that awful holiday season in 1995 when all I could do was cry. And I thought about my daughter-in-law's recent run-in with the "hungry and homeless" guy she bought a sandwich for who practically threw the sandwich back at her, angrily calling her names because she chose to give him food instead of cash. As I wrote in a recent post, life's really what you decide it is, especially this time of year.

A great tip if you want to get more joy out of life is to suspend judgment - of your boss, your mother-in-law, the government, your children, retailers, shoppers, other drivers, the "system," the homeless, yourself - EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! If you find yourself judging someone, play that game where your right hand has one voice and your left has another. Let the judgmental voice speak through one hand, then allow the non-judgmental voice to drown it out, ever so politely. This process will make you laugh....and laughter brings joy.

Another thing you can do is pick the person or thing that bugs you the most and find a way to confront him/her/it through service. If it bothers you to see homeless people with signs asking for help because you're sure they're going to buy booze or drugs with the coins you might toss in their cups, then get in touch with your local shelter and offer to volunteer there for a few hours. If you are bothered by all the slow elderly drivers on the roads, volunteer at an adult day care center for an afternoon. Give the gift of your time to a senior, especially someone suffering from Alzheimer's or dementia. If you think the season is too commercial, purchase some "shoes for the soul" and give the gift of new shoes to a child in need. Get information from your church or the search engines about how you can sign up to make a difference for someone this year. Ehow.com offers a great place to start: http://www.ehow.com/topic_377_holiday-charity-giving-guide.html

Finally, if you're the one in distress - financially, personally, emotionally - take a few minutes to consider how it feels to accept the kindness of friends, family or strangers. Suspend judging yourself as a loser, a taker, too old, too fat, too sad, and refresh yourself through gratitude. Many people out there want to give without expecting anything. Your acceptance is the gift they receive in return.

When you suspend judgment during the holidays and focus on either helping those less fortunate or accepting the kindess of those more fortunate, then believe me, Life is good . I think it's time I find another one of those shirts!