Mom Remembers Mary

Adorable Mom doesn't remember details of what happens in her daily life these days. For instance, her brother, my Uncle Cy, and his daughter, Cousin Janet, stopped by for a visit with Mom and Jack the other day. Janet told me they had a lovely time. I asked Mom about it and she said she, too, had a great time. Unfortunately she couldn't remember what they talked about, but she knew it was good.

Some days I wish I was in Mom's place, living more in the present moment and remembering only the good stuff that happens daily and only the best memories from the distant past. That way I wouldn't have to remember anything petty, hurtful or depressing. And then I remember that it's those yucky things that teach us to appreciate the good things.

I'm introducing the WomanSage "Stellar Award Winners" tomorrow at the WomanSage Annual "Own Your Power" Conference in Costa Mesa. One of them is Mary Moore, a well-known Orange County philanthropist who is a huge supporter of the new Womansage "Re-Invent Yourself" program for women at midlife going through a rough professional or personal experience. I mentioned Mary to my mom because Mary has been active in supporting the Rehabilitation Institute of Orange County (RIO) for many years and Mom used to do a lot of work for RIO too. Mom was so delighted to hear about Mary. She reminisced about all the times they worked on fund-raising projects together such as a benefit party for the opening of the Ritz Restaurant near Fashion Island years ago. Mom was the chair of that event and I remember attending it - a black tie affair attended by the Who's Who of the OC in the 70's. Mom recalled that my sister and I wore fabulous black and white formals, and that mine was a black strapless with a huge white pleated "banana leaf" across the front that gave the effect of being over one shoulder. Sounds awful - but I remember that it was quite stunning at the time. My sister's dress was equally beautiful. We were hot. I digress...LOL.

Mom told me that Mary was the backbone of RIO and responsible for raising funds for new buildings as well as ongoing activities. For a moment, I considered taking Mom to the WomanSage luncheon. And then Mom sighed and said, "Now what are we talking about? I seem to have forgotten." I mentioned Mary and she told me the stories all over again. I just smiled as she talked. Best to let Mom be at home in her comfort zone.

Many Baby Boomers like me find it tragically difficult to face the challenges associated with caring for aging parents. I have found eldercare to be like a long and mighty "storm" that flares up every once in awhile (when one of my parents lands in the hospital). The best advice I can offer is something I heard not too long ago: "When you are going through a storm, remember to keep going."