Tackling Touchy Subjects
Most of my girlfriends know that I recently wrote a blog article for the WomanSage web site about a touchy subject. If you haven't read it already, check it out by going to this site: http://www.womansage.org/blogs/experts/
and let me know what you think. I've had beaucoup experience tackling touchy subjects since moving from CO to CA five years ago. Some of those subjects have arisen in caregiving for my parents. Others relate to family members (including myself) with unrealistic expectations about one other. And some involve my new perspectives gleaned from simply growing older. One thing is always clear: I always learn something when I attempt to work through these subjects. A sense of humor helps.
A touchy subject this week is my friend's adult daughter who can't see the point in living beyond her current age (late 20's) because she doesn't want "to end up in Depends and using a walker." At least that's what she says. It could be she just wants a few weeks' vacation from a job she doesn't like. Whatever...she now thinks a small dog is the answer to her malaise. She wants one of those Paris Hilton "accessory dogs" that fit in a purse. She wants it NOW. And she wants her mom to buy it for her. She is so adamant about getting this dog that it's driving her mom insane. I had to laugh today when her mom said the dog was more important to her daughter than going to the psychologist. Duh. I think Paris would agree. It doesn't matter that she can't have a dog in her apartment. She says her mom can keep it four or five days a week and it can then "visit" her for two or three days when she's not working. Of course her mom said, "But I already have a dog and I don't want another one." Logic doesn't work in these cases and when the tantrum ensued, my friend took a tranquilizer. I would have suggested a quart of ice cream.
This situation reminded me of my mom's obsession with getting an electric wheelchair. Mom hasn't let up, even though we discovered Medicare will not buy it outright for her, but they will consider partial reimbursement if and when we buy it and send them a copy of the invoice and claim form.
I took Mom to the doctor today to check out a huge bruise she has from a fall that happened on Saturday. She said it was more important to get the electric wheelchair ordered than to be treated for her bruises. She said the fall would not have happened if she'd had the wheelchair. Mind you, she fell down while getting out of her bed and an electric wheelchair wouldn't fit into that tight space in her bedroom. She had left her cane and walker out in the living room, so down she went. I explained my point of view about using a cane or walker in her bedroom to prevent a fall, but she quietly looked away from me, gazing out the car window. I reminded Mom about paying up front for the chair. She had forgotten, and her response was to whimper, complete with trembling lower lip. It wasn't full-blown crying, but I knew she was feeling sad and perplexed about not getting a motorized chair. It was best if I said nothing, and soon she was able to compose herself. She walked with me to and from the doc's office without any problems and when we returned to the car, she said she'd like to go out to lunch. We decided on Blue Water Grill and had a lovely lunch on the deck. It seemed the wheelchair had been forgotten.
Wrong again. It came up as we left the restaurant. "Can we go to the medical supply store now and order my electric wheelchair?" she asked. "No," I said. "We have to get you back to your place so you can get your hair done." A quick diversion did the trick.
I'm hopeful she won't try to slit her wrists tonight over not getting the wheelchair. If she does, we'll surely have a huge mess to clean up because she takes blood-thinners. Which reminds me to tell my friend she's lucky her daughter's blood is thicker than my mom's; however I doubt either woman - young or old - will let up on the touchy subjects of the dog or the wheelchair. They want what they want and nothing else seems to matter right now. I think it's time for Ben & Jerry to step in.
and let me know what you think. I've had beaucoup experience tackling touchy subjects since moving from CO to CA five years ago. Some of those subjects have arisen in caregiving for my parents. Others relate to family members (including myself) with unrealistic expectations about one other. And some involve my new perspectives gleaned from simply growing older. One thing is always clear: I always learn something when I attempt to work through these subjects. A sense of humor helps.
A touchy subject this week is my friend's adult daughter who can't see the point in living beyond her current age (late 20's) because she doesn't want "to end up in Depends and using a walker." At least that's what she says. It could be she just wants a few weeks' vacation from a job she doesn't like. Whatever...she now thinks a small dog is the answer to her malaise. She wants one of those Paris Hilton "accessory dogs" that fit in a purse. She wants it NOW. And she wants her mom to buy it for her. She is so adamant about getting this dog that it's driving her mom insane. I had to laugh today when her mom said the dog was more important to her daughter than going to the psychologist. Duh. I think Paris would agree. It doesn't matter that she can't have a dog in her apartment. She says her mom can keep it four or five days a week and it can then "visit" her for two or three days when she's not working. Of course her mom said, "But I already have a dog and I don't want another one." Logic doesn't work in these cases and when the tantrum ensued, my friend took a tranquilizer. I would have suggested a quart of ice cream.
This situation reminded me of my mom's obsession with getting an electric wheelchair. Mom hasn't let up, even though we discovered Medicare will not buy it outright for her, but they will consider partial reimbursement if and when we buy it and send them a copy of the invoice and claim form.
I took Mom to the doctor today to check out a huge bruise she has from a fall that happened on Saturday. She said it was more important to get the electric wheelchair ordered than to be treated for her bruises. She said the fall would not have happened if she'd had the wheelchair. Mind you, she fell down while getting out of her bed and an electric wheelchair wouldn't fit into that tight space in her bedroom. She had left her cane and walker out in the living room, so down she went. I explained my point of view about using a cane or walker in her bedroom to prevent a fall, but she quietly looked away from me, gazing out the car window. I reminded Mom about paying up front for the chair. She had forgotten, and her response was to whimper, complete with trembling lower lip. It wasn't full-blown crying, but I knew she was feeling sad and perplexed about not getting a motorized chair. It was best if I said nothing, and soon she was able to compose herself. She walked with me to and from the doc's office without any problems and when we returned to the car, she said she'd like to go out to lunch. We decided on Blue Water Grill and had a lovely lunch on the deck. It seemed the wheelchair had been forgotten.
Wrong again. It came up as we left the restaurant. "Can we go to the medical supply store now and order my electric wheelchair?" she asked. "No," I said. "We have to get you back to your place so you can get your hair done." A quick diversion did the trick.
I'm hopeful she won't try to slit her wrists tonight over not getting the wheelchair. If she does, we'll surely have a huge mess to clean up because she takes blood-thinners. Which reminds me to tell my friend she's lucky her daughter's blood is thicker than my mom's; however I doubt either woman - young or old - will let up on the touchy subjects of the dog or the wheelchair. They want what they want and nothing else seems to matter right now. I think it's time for Ben & Jerry to step in.
posted by Shannon Ingram | 10:06 PM
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