Thanksgiving
Mom has been obsessing about Thanksgiving since New Year's Day. She wants to know where we'll be celebrating this year. When we tell her we'll be at the Ranch as always, she insists that it's too much trouble for my sister and her family. She also wants to know who will be invited.
The first few times Mom brought up Thanksgiving 2007, we chalked it up to her dementia and simply told her we'd be at the Ranch and we don't know who will be joining us. When she asked about it for the twentieth time before Memorial Day, I asked her why she was so focused on Thanksgiving. I wanted to understand what was fueling her concern. She said she didn't want my sister to work so hard cooking for everyone. I took a deep breath and told her that Meg and I enjoy cooking for Thanksgiving, no matter how many people attend. And of course Mom said, "I didn't know you did any of the cooking, Shannon." In light of my recent posts, please don't get me started on this subject.
I shared Mom's comments with Meg and we laughed together. A few days after Memorial Day, I asked Mom to stop bringing up the subject of Thanksgiving until later in the year. Sure enough, on the 4th of July at our home, Mom blurted, "Can we talk about Thanksgiving now?" As everyone winked and giggled, I held onto my hotdog bun and said, "No, we can't talk about it now because Meg and I don't know what we're doing." Mom shrugged and said, "We could all have dinner at our place."
When I heard Mom say "at our place," I knew she wanted us to come to "Geezer Palace" to celebrate with them at their home. I felt torn because my sister and her family and my whole family enjoy the tradition of Thanksgiving at the Ranch. It occurred to me that my parents want to "stay home" and not have to drive a long distance to be with the rest of us. It might be time to have a dialog about what to do when the patriarch can't travel to be with the younger members of the family.
The subject of Thanksgiving came up again today when our family was together for a summer outing. Mom asked, "What's happening with Thanksgiving?" and everyone laughed, tongues in cheeks (including me). We laughed without concern or commitment. Upon reflection, I think it's probably time to explore answers to that nagging question about which generation gets to choose the celebration. In our case the question is, do our parents feel they can no longer make the four-hour trek to and from the Ranch in one day to give thanks as we have always done? The answer may reveal the truth of Mom's Thanksgiving obsession. We have a couple of months to ponder this question and figure out how to proceed. Mom and Jack will no doubt help to keep us on topic until a family decision is made.
The first few times Mom brought up Thanksgiving 2007, we chalked it up to her dementia and simply told her we'd be at the Ranch and we don't know who will be joining us. When she asked about it for the twentieth time before Memorial Day, I asked her why she was so focused on Thanksgiving. I wanted to understand what was fueling her concern. She said she didn't want my sister to work so hard cooking for everyone. I took a deep breath and told her that Meg and I enjoy cooking for Thanksgiving, no matter how many people attend. And of course Mom said, "I didn't know you did any of the cooking, Shannon." In light of my recent posts, please don't get me started on this subject.
I shared Mom's comments with Meg and we laughed together. A few days after Memorial Day, I asked Mom to stop bringing up the subject of Thanksgiving until later in the year. Sure enough, on the 4th of July at our home, Mom blurted, "Can we talk about Thanksgiving now?" As everyone winked and giggled, I held onto my hotdog bun and said, "No, we can't talk about it now because Meg and I don't know what we're doing." Mom shrugged and said, "We could all have dinner at our place."
When I heard Mom say "at our place," I knew she wanted us to come to "Geezer Palace" to celebrate with them at their home. I felt torn because my sister and her family and my whole family enjoy the tradition of Thanksgiving at the Ranch. It occurred to me that my parents want to "stay home" and not have to drive a long distance to be with the rest of us. It might be time to have a dialog about what to do when the patriarch can't travel to be with the younger members of the family.
The subject of Thanksgiving came up again today when our family was together for a summer outing. Mom asked, "What's happening with Thanksgiving?" and everyone laughed, tongues in cheeks (including me). We laughed without concern or commitment. Upon reflection, I think it's probably time to explore answers to that nagging question about which generation gets to choose the celebration. In our case the question is, do our parents feel they can no longer make the four-hour trek to and from the Ranch in one day to give thanks as we have always done? The answer may reveal the truth of Mom's Thanksgiving obsession. We have a couple of months to ponder this question and figure out how to proceed. Mom and Jack will no doubt help to keep us on topic until a family decision is made.
posted by Shannon Ingram | 10:26 PM
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