From Corporate to COPE

It's important to think happy thoughts, feel grateful for all the good things in life and have a positive attitude. I have made positive thinking and having a strong sense of humor a daily practice along with meditation and prayer. Yet there are still days when I wake up wanting to fall back asleep into dreams and not face what's confronting me if I get out of bed. Caring for elderly parents can be rewarding, but also depressing. It's hard to see your parents decline in health and wealth, complain about almost everything happening in their lives and lean on you for physical, mental and emotional support. If you're working, it's even harder. Maintaining a good and focused attitude at work is challenging when you get frequent calls from Mom or Dad about bathroom accidents, falls or "the TV remote doesn't work."

I took care of my parents full-time for two years. I wrote about the experience in my book, The Heart Way. They entered assisted living two years ago and now have a caregiver ("Saint" Norma) who is with them six days a week for eight hours a day, plus regular daily assistance from their community. The medical staff administers their medications. Norma cleans the apartment every day, helps them with bathing and grooming, walks the dog and does limited shopping for toiletries, household supplies and snacks. I'm still handling most of their routine finances (with help from my sister), driving them to doctor's appointments and physical therapy (sometimes three appointments a week), shopping with them and taking them to meet old friends for social occasions. I also make a point of joining them for lunch at their dining room at least once or twice a week. Although I don't take care of them full-time, I'm still a busy part-time caregiver, and it's way more difficult now that I am also a full-time freelance writer, speaker and copywriter. Gary and I have to pay our mortgage and expenses and found that we needed the double income after all.

I'm writing about this today because I don't want any of my readers to think life is just a bowl of cherries (or even cheese goop) when you leave the corporate world to pursue a passion. It's painfully hard sometimes not to have a regular paycheck and the perks of a "real job." My coping skills are getting better, but I admit to days when I think I can't bear another second of "senior whining." I have trouble accepting the high monetary cost of keeping two elderly adults in assisted living - up to $20,000 per month.

Jacqueline Marcell, author of Elder Rage and an expert in eldercare, once told me that she nearly had to declare bankruptcy because of the costs associated with caring for her parents for five years. Ultimately, neither Jackie nor I would do things differently because our parents have meant so much to us. Nevertheless, it's not easy going "from corporate to cope" so if you are faced with a similar eldercare scenario, be sure to surround yourself with people who care for you, too. My friends - including Gary, Cory and his family and my sister and her family - are the strongest fibers in the fabric of my life these days. They bring me through the rough spots with emails and phone calls, laughter, hugs, sympathy and love. For that, I am profoundly grateful.