Shannon Ingram's Place

Great News!

2012-02-07T21:38:00.000-08:00

I am really thrilled to be working for FaceTime Strategy and delighted to share this media release they sent out today:

http://www.marketwatch.com/story/facetime-strategy-opens-los-angeles-client-portal-and-appoints-new-executive-2012-02-07

Thanks to everyone who supported me in yet another awesome career change....LIFE IS GOOD!

Our Precious Keiki

2012-02-05T20:51:00.001-08:00

I saw "The Descendants" yesterday. The film was brilliant, in my humble opinion. It captured the essence of a beautiful, isolated state of the union where the culture and way of life is both historically and culturally complex, given the simplicity of its Polynesian/Hawaiian heritage. Does that sound weird? Well, it is just that...and this film and its predecessor book by Kaui Hart Hemmings resonated with me and I'm sure hundreds of thousands of others who have called the islands of the Hawaiian archipelago their home, even for short periods of time.

Possibly the most amazing aspect of my seeing "The Descendants" yesterday is that my stepson, Cory, and his family and several of their mainland friends are on Oahu this week. Cory and his wife, who is better than a daughter to me, are celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. It's the first time they have been to Hawaii with their children. That's the fun part, because our almost four-year-old daughter is nicknamed "Keiki." She got the nickname from me and my husband, "Granny Shanny and Papa." We do nicknames for everybody....whether they like it or not! Our grandson is "Moose," because he was a HUGE baby. He got this name the day he was born, as did "Keiki." We chose "Keiki" because of her initials...and because for some reason we saw her as a beautiful and beloved Hawaiian child.

So today, I was delighted to find a sweet little video of our little "Keiki" on Facebook, doing an impromptu Haole hula outside the home where she and her family are staying on the North Shore of Oahu. Wow, is all I can say. Forget Madonna, our Keiki is my Super Bowl entertainer! I'm thrilled with her hula home video. Unfortunately I can't post it here because it's only on Facebook; but I am posting an older photo of her at the Lake Mission Viejo Beach near our home, a couple of years ago.

Aloha...

Exciting News

2012-01-17T18:18:00.001-08:00

Starting the year off with some exciting news....

I am delighted to announce that I have accepted a new position as Executive Vice President/Managing Director for the LA offices of FaceTime Strategy. FaceTime Strategy is a full-service technology enabled marketing agency with many large clients. I have the awesome opportunity to be a key spokesperson for FaceTime's Boomer and Senior marketing initiatives.

Several people have contacted me this past week to say they heard from Silverado that I had left the company and were incredulous because of my obvious deeply personal and professional commitment to the company. I am still committed to the success of Silverado and look forward to working with them on special projects in the future. Memory-care is a small but critically important part of the senior lifestyle continuum and Silverado is truly a leader in that field. I was proud to work for them for nearly four years, especially collaborating with Loren Shook and Steve Winner on their award-winning book, "The Silverado Story."

My official start date with FaceTime Strategy is February 1st. Till then, I'm catching up with writing projects and spending quality time with family, friends and pets. Our niece, Lindsey (aka Cupcake), will be here from Seattle next week.

For those of you interested in the latest trends in marketing to Boomers and Seniors, DO NOT MISS the "What's Next Boomer Business Summit" - happening March 28th at Marriott Wardman Park in Washington, D.C. Incredible speakers and unparalleled networking....space is limited. I will be there again this year to soak up all the wisdom and innovation related to products, services and job opportunities resulting from the societal sea change coming with aging Boomers. The summit is a separate event that is part of the annual American Society on Aging Conference.

HAPPY 2012!

What's Your Word for 2012?

2012-01-01T12:29:00.000-08:00

What's Your Word for 2012?

Hope you will click on this link and read a very special post on my Vibrant Nation blog...
Happy New Year!

Call Someone Who Cares

2011-12-11T17:13:00.000-08:00

I just posted on my "Shannon Ingram's Place" blog at www.vibrantnation.com - the web site for women 50+. It's all about my brother's favorite saying when he was a teenager. It was "Gotta dime?" He said it whenever he could care less about something Mom or I said to him. Of course that was the phone company slogan back then, "Gotta dime? Call someone who cares." It only cost ten cents to make a local pay phone call when I was a teenager.

What can we do with a dime today? Put it in a piggy bank. Drop it in the Salvation Army kettle outside Target or Wal Mart. Put it in the basket at church on Sunday. Think of it as "the power of change!" Personally, I'm going to use a dime as a reminder to call an old friend or a family member. I just resolved to make at least one personal phone call a day for the next three months, even if it's just to leave a voicemail message. The first few calls I make will require a lot more than a voicemail because it's been way too long since I've talked with many friends. Oh well.....gotta dime?

That Pesky Mercury Retrograde

2011-11-29T12:06:00.000-08:00

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted! I've been down a rabbit hole. Mostly I've been traveling and haven't had time to write online. Because it was Thanksgiving season, I did spend some time with my gratitude journal. I'm thankful for my family, friends and pets, for my health, job and spiritual practice. This year, I'm especially grateful for the renewed strength of my marriage and for my spectacular grandchildren, Keegan (7) and Kendall (3), plus two "new" grandkids, Piper (10) and Allie (7), the daughters of my daughter-in-law's brother, Joe and his wife, Jory, who moved to Southern California from Minnesota in August. These primary relationships bring great joy to my life!

And then there's Mercury Retrograde, that weird phenomenon that happens about three times a year, each time lasting around three weeks. Mercury rules communication. When its orbit slows during these retro periods, astrologers and some physicists say it throws the energy off on our planet enough to create annoying communication issues such as crashing computers, lost car keys, garbled words coming out of one's mouth or a dropped bag of groceries.

Mercury's most recent retro period started on Thanksgiving Day, which may be why we had two great turkeys - one smoked and one fried - but no gravy. None of us thought about not having any drippings for gravy and none of us thought about buying a jar of gravy at the market, either. Nor did Gary and I think about how beastly hot it would be at Charger Stadium in San Diego for the Chargers-Broncos game last Sunday. At least I remembered the tickets, something I did not do during the last Mercury Retro when we drove almost two hours in traffic to Del Mar Race Track and realized I had left the tickets at home. So this past Sunday, we sat down in the dark blue seats and roasted until we decided to leave at half-time because we were just too hot to enjoy the game. Thankfully, we found our way to a TV in the bar at the Old Town Cafe. The margaritas were considerably less expensive than at the stadium. And our Broncos won in overtime.

I like chalking everything that goes wrong up to Mercury Retrograde. It allows me to smile, take a deep breath and even giggle a little instead of stress over every bonehead mistake I make during these three weeks. We are taking a trip next week and for some reason I managed to book us on separate flights for the return! At least we get back into LAX within 30 minutes of each other, if all goes according to schedule. Long story, but if things go more wrong, I'll just blame pesky Mercury.

Travel is Good for the Soul

2011-10-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

Check out my latest blog on Vibrant Nation: http://www.vibrantnation.com/other-topics/travel-is-food-for-the-soul/

We had a fabulous weekend in Chicago with our friends, Tim and John. Tim took me as his Friday night date to a dinner with members of the National Symphony Orchestra Board, a fascinating bunch of people who love music, art, architecture and food. Gary went sports bar-hopping with John in their Wrigleyville neighborhood with a bunch of people who love the Cubs, Bears and Beer. We both agreed it was a perfect evening. Tim and I cruised around Boys Town in his sporty little red Mercedes and sang "Hello Dolly." Gary and John were out later than we were! It was all good.

On Saturday we went on a boat tour of Chicago architecture with Tim's friends and it turned out to be one of the most fun things I've ever done in Chicago. Maybe it was made more fun because they served Chicago-style hot dogs and bloody mary's. Whatever. I loved it. As I said in my Vibrant Nation blog post, I don't do that kind of stuff at home on weekends. It was fun to take a mini-vacation in the windy city.

Reinventing a Marriage

2011-10-05T11:07:00.000-07:00

Happy to report things are going well in my life and hoping the same is true for all my friends and readers!

Referring you to my blog on Vibrant Nation site:
http://www.vibrantnation.com/family-relationships/can-you-reinvent-a-marriage/

Please join in the discussion!

Loving Pets at Work

2011-08-26T09:32:00.000-07:00

I keep asking myself why I'm so happy in my current job working at Silverado Senior Living. It's rewarding work to support seniors, especially those suffering from a memory-impairing disease like Alzheimer's, with excellent care and a high quality of life. That's what drew me to the company. But really, what makes it awesome is that I can bring Bindi Sue, my three year-old Corgi-Australian Cattle Dog mix, to work with me every day. She prances around the offices at Silverado headquarters, like she owns the place. She knows every cube or office where there are treats to be had and she enjoys herding the other dogs in the building (we can have up to 10 at a time) as well as the people. There is nothing like a happy doggy running around to make us smile on a stressful day. Bindi is my ever-present stress-relief. So today I have the privilege of sharing her picture. Obviously she's had a particularly busy day and decided to take a break under my desk. I love pets at work!

Budget Smudget

2011-08-11T17:22:00.000-07:00

That's putting it nicely. We reserved a rental car from Budget for our 10-day vacation trip from Denver to Rapid City. It was super-expensive, but they had Ford Escapes, and we wanted an SUV. About a week before the trip, I called Budget again to confirm that they would be okay with my using a Visa debit card. The customer service agent with the heavy East Indian accent asked me to remain on hold while he checked on that for me. He came back in a minute and said it would be fine, but to expect them to charge a $200 deposit which would be refunded when the car was returned. I was happy.

Cut to arriving in Denver last month. After waiting 40 minutes on the "car rental bus island" at Denver International Airport, the Budget bus finally showed up. Only about 20 Hertz, Avis and even Enterprise buses had passed us during that long wait and there were probably 200 people waiting for the Budget bus. All the driver would say was, "Sorry, I have no explanation." And a fight broke out between the driver and a woman who wanted to cram on the first bus even though a second one was pulling up. Ugly start.

After waiting in line at the Budget office for another 45 minutes, we gave our drivers licenses and credit cards to the agent, a young man named Steve who apologized for the long wait. And then he said, "We will need to run a credit check on you in order for you to use a debit card. Please give me your Social Security number." I was shocked. And of course we said no. I explained my conversation with the East Indian agent last week. I shared that there was plenty of money in our debit card account and we knew about the $200 deposit." He said, "Let me get my supervisor."

The supervisor, Monica, came out and said, "I'm sorry but we cannot rent you a car." I gasped. "But we are planning to drive to Rapid City and we fly out of there next week." She smirked and said, "Well, then why don't you take a shuttle or a cab because you obviously have plenty of money." I was taken aback by her rude attitude.

"You're kidding, right?" I said. She said she was not. "Well, then can you tell us another company that will rent us a car?"

"No I cannot," she said. "You will have to take the bus back to the terminal now because we can't help you here." She might as well have flipped us off.

Yes, I was losing it. We went outside and I decided to call my friend, Deidre, who works for a very large corporate travel company - the one that purchased Navigant, where Deidre and I used to work together. Before I could connect with her, my binder with all of our papers, confirmations, AAA Triptik and tickets was hit by a gust of wind and blew off the bus bench. When it hit the ground, all of the papers went flying across 20-plus lanes of rental car return. I screamed. I can't even remember how many people came to my rescue, helping me to chase down all the papers before they could blow off into the great plains of Eastern Colorado. By the time I came back to the bus boarding area, I was having a panic attack. Gary told me to "Release it to the Universe" and just trust that we would indeed get a car. Easier said than done.

Deidre and another old friend and former co-worker, Karen, stepped right in and saved our vacation, which felt like saving our lives at that point. When I could breathe again, I called them and they got us a reservation at Hertz. We took the bus back to the terminal, boarded another bus back to Hertz and were treated WAY differently at the Hertz counter. They were happy to have our business and for about $400 LESS than the Budget jerks. We got a cream-colored Chevy Malibu - not a Ford SUV, but hey, it was a CAR. It had a Wyoming license plate, so we nicknamed it "Wylie Coyote" for the rest of our trip (see photo of Wylie parked under the sign at our little gaming resort in Deadwood, SD).

What I have to say about the whole experience is that I have NEVER been treated with such RUDE behavior in my life as I was by MONICA at BUDGET RENT A CAR in Denver. If that's a "supervisor," then no wonder it's "Budget" because their "service" sure isn't "World Class." And yes, I will be writing a letter to Budget/Avis headquarters because, debit card or not, that woman deserves a swift kick in the behind. Or worse! And now I'll release it to the Universe.

Career Lessons

2011-07-15T12:18:00.000-07:00

I hope you will read my latest blog post on Vibrant Nation:

http://www.vibrantnation.com/work-money/career-lessons-for-life/

I'm doing my best to post different stuff here on my personal blog; but I want to be sure and share the other stuff with you too.

Many of the great lessons from my career have been from horrible bosses. The film title, "Horrible Bosses," has caused me to remember those "teachers" this week! I've had two that stand out as bad and dozens who were good.
The first bad one, a woman, was a beautiful, creative being who could light up a room with her presence. Unfortunately, she had a super dark side - she was controlling and petulant, bordering on evil. She encouraged us to join her in lines of cocaine (I declined), called us at 9 PM and kept us on the phone till midnight, slept with her married clients and celebrities she brought to work on projects with us. She relished calling us into a meeting and then picking at least one person to castigate and humiliate.
I learned something invaluable from that awful treatment. We all have a choice about how we respond, even to a horrible boss. We can get up and walk away. But most of us on this woman's staff - and we were all women - sat there and suffered alongisde the victim.

All of us were victims, but for different reasons. Some were addicted to her because she was like an abusive parent - one minute giving us lavish presents (i.e., Louis Vuitton bags, French perfume, Tiffany bracelets, pharmaceuticals), and the next minute spewing rage, threats and fear to bring us to our knees. She was a BAD woman. She was even horrible to HER boss, who was also a victim until she decided to fire the woman. That happened after I had resigned...and guess what? I came back and the company survived without the beast.

The second horrible boss I had was very different. He had a bad temper and was prone to outbursts if he didn't get his way. Maybe that's because he was tiny - about 5 feet tall. But he was also extremely intelligent and his nasty demeanor was cultural. He was from Japan. Ultimately, the lessons I learned from him were invaluable because of that cultural piece. I learned that he never meant to be abusive in a way that would truly hurt me. He just wanted what he wanted and sometimes I - who am very tall - couldn't give him that, so he exploded. I studied other Japanese executives and discovered that was a pattern ingrained in them. When I quit my job and moved away, I decided to stay in touch with him. He always had something nice to say - either during a quick phone call or in a card or letter. I cried for an hour the day I got the news that he had suffered a stroke and died. He was a GOOD man, even though he was a horrible boss.

Who among your bosses has made an impact on you in terms of career lessons? Let me know....

Casual for a Cause

2011-07-08T11:09:00.001-07:00

People often ask me why I love my job at Silverado Senior Living so much, even when there is deadline stress. It's because of days like yesterday. We had our usual morning and afternoon 15-minute exercise classes. We had a big afternoon birthday celebration with cake and ice cream. Bindi-Sue (my Corgi mix pup) and I drove south to meet some people for a tour of Silverado-Encinitas and got to see my favorite miniature horses. And just about everyone in our corporate offices had a "Casual for a Cause" day. We paid $5 each as a donation to the Alzheimer's Association and we got to wear casual clothes one extra summer weekday. In addition to all the work that was accomplished, everyone had smiles on their faces all day, as you can see in the photo above. There's no place like Silverado when it comes to putting a smile on my face....and yes that's me smiling in the middle right behind my associate, Marcelo!

Knee Deep in Summertime

2011-06-27T20:57:00.000-07:00

Just because I'm now bloggin' on VibrantNation.com doesn't mean I won't continue to post here. This is my home and I share anything (within reason). So today I'm sharing about my new favorite song.

Every once in awhile a song comes into my life that I just can't get enough of. It becomes a magnificent obsession. Amazingly, even after I stop listening to it a gazillion times a day, even after it falls off my iPod shuffle, even after I no longer turn up Pandora or the radio when it comes on, it makes me smile and brings happy memories. My last obsession song was "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz. My all-time best list includes songs by the Beatles, Frank Sinatra, Brooks & Dunn, Whitney Houston and the more obscure Michael Feinsten and even Bobby McFerrin. My maestro of obsession tunes is the inimitable Jimmy Buffett. Yes, I am a Proud Parrothead.

Yesterday, while riding home from a fabulous classic car show on a sunny summer day in Dana Point, California, a song came on my favorite country radio station that caused Gary to start bouncing in his seat - quite a feat for someone his size! Neither of us had ever heard the song. The upbeat guitar pickin' turned into really fun lyrics that reminded me of life in the tropics. I didn't recognize the voice and noticed the singer changed at the second verse. That vocal shift caused me to grip the steering wheel and bounce in my own seat! Sure enough, it was the divine Mr. Buffett! When the song ended, I wanted it replayed immediately. Thankfully the DJ mentioned it was "Knee Deep" by the Zac Brown Band, so when we got home, I downloaded it to my iPhone.

I knew the name, Zac Brown Band. My kids are crazy about them. They go to their concerts with bunches of friends in big RV's and tailgate. Hmmm...I remember when I first heard that, it sounded like Jimmy Buffett concerts to me. And when I heard the "Knee Deep" song yesterday, it all made sense. Zac Brown is the kids' Jimmy Buffett. And that's OK!

Today I introduced my associates to "Knee Deep." They are all younger than my kids, and they are aware of how obsessive I get about my songs. I mean, c'mon, I wrote the Boomer Can-Can and must have played and sung it many dozens of times. They were good sports about that - hopefully not just because I'm their boss! Now they know this summer is going to be "Knee Deep" in Shannon's office.

How can you not love a song with a lyric like "The ocean is my only medication." Wow. Here, you be the judge and let me know what you think! Click on this great YouTube video with gorgeous pictures of the Exumas, posted by a brilliant soul named RumShopRyan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJbG7256ZLY

"And I think I might have found me my own kind of paradise..."

New Vibrant Nation Blog

2011-06-16T13:44:00.000-07:00

I'm now blogging on Vibrant Nation site (woo hoo!!): http://www.vibrantnation.com/other-topics/olderella-at-the-ball/ Drop in over there and check out my report on the Morgan Freeman AFI Life Achievement Award event last week! xxoo

Trying not to break my feet...

2011-06-05T15:07:00.000-07:00

Yes, I'm jumping up and down. But that's not what's threatening to break my feet. It's all the name-dropping I've been doing the past 10 days since my friend, Gaye, invited me to be her date for the American Film Institute's Life Achievement Award Gala honoring Morgan Freeman happening this coming Thursday at Sony Pictures in LA. It was probably enough that I wrote about Oprah in last week's blog post. But this invitation has transported me back to my starstruck teen years when I loved everything Hollywood.

Gaye, now an actor and renowned astrologer, serves on the Board of AFI. I've written about her in my blog more than once. She's my "oldest" - as in "longest term" - friend. We met at a beach on Balboa Island when we were four years old. Our mothers were best friends for life. Gaye's mom worked for CBS and my mom was an interior designer. Our dads were musicians. Gaye's father was a famous bandleader in the 1930's and 40's, Harmon Oscar Nelson, Jr. My dad, a pharmaceutical rep, played banjo for fun in a Dixieland band with a bunch of doctors from Fullerton. Gaye's dad had been married before he married her mom, Anne. His first wife was the actress Bette Davis and she called him "Oscar." His biggest claim to eternal fame is a gold statuette that Bette won and immediately named it after him because there was a posterior resemblance. That story is in the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences history books.

When our family got together with the Nelson's, it was all about music and entertainment. Amazingly, all these years later, that's still what it's all about when Gaye and I and our families get together. We may not MAKE music, but we love listening to it. And we entertain one another with stories - great stories, happy and sad, of the past, present and future. It's a rich friendship.

Recently, Gary and I went with Gaye and Rick and our mutual friends, Sandy and Kirk, to the Hollywood premiere of "Midnight in Paris" at the Academy Theatre. Before the movie, we met at Kate Mantilini Restaurant, where Gaye said, "Are you doing anything on June 9th?" I checked my e-calendar and saw that the only thing set for that day were the words "Gaye's birthday." I thought she was going to invite me to lunch or a dinner party. She pulled out an invitation and said, "Rick can't go, so I thought you might like to join me for this event because it's my birthday." I looked down and saw a photo of Morgan Freeman, one of my very favorite actors, on the front of the invitation card. I took a deep breath and opened the card. And then I started jumping up and down, right there in the restaurant! I couldn't contain my glee!

And that brings me to trying not to break my feet. A week after writing about Oprah in this blog, I'm still dropping the names of the event committee members - Brad Pitt, Denzel Washington, Jack Nicholson, Helen Mirren, Steven Spielberg, Alfre Woodard, Clint Eastwood, Tom Hanks, Hilary Swank, Sidney Poitier, Jim Carrey, Ben Affleck and many more names I just can't remember right now. Dropping all those names threatens to break more than a toe, so I'm trying now to just chill out and quietly look forward to Thursday. I'm not fussing about my formal dress the way I thought I would because it's too soon for me to lose 10 pounds. I'll just be myself, muffin top and all - comfy and classy, with good hair and makeup.

My starstruck days are not over after all. One of the items on my "Planet List" - my version of a "Bucket List" (thank you, Morgan Freeman) because it's stuff I want to do while still here on the planet - is to meet or shake hands with 10 of my favorite stars of stage, screen, sports and business - Clint Eastwood, Oprah, Bill Gates, Tom Hanks, Morgan Freeman, Jack Nicholson, George Clooney, Steven Spielberg, Diane Sawyer, Helen Mirren. Of course, I also want to visit the Great Wall, the Sydney Opera House and Venice, and to be able to walk up the bleacher steps at both the Indy and Daytona 500 races!

And now, please excuse me while I go out in the back patio and jump up and down again on this beautiful spring Sunday. Jack Nicholson? Clint Eastwood? Helen Mirren? Tom Hanks? MORGAN FREEMAN?!! Seriously....

To Oprah with Love

2011-05-27T12:06:00.000-07:00

I wrote a letter to Oprah last night. Work kept me from watching her final show, but I finally learned how to record using the DVR to be sure I could tape the show. Little did I know that DVR thing is so easy! And little did I know I would cry all the way through Oprah's finale.

My tears were mostly happy ones - happy because I've always been one of those silent Oprah fans who simply takes what she says, does and recommends and puts it to use in my own life. I wrote the letter because I wanted her to know that during the past two and a half decades she has been my therapist, mentor, minister and friend - without ever knowing me. And yet she has always spoken directly to me - to my heart, mind and spirit. She makes me laugh, too. Some of you know that I wrote about "Oprah therapy" in my book.

A few years ago, I met Stedman Graham at a "Wake Up, Succeed" conference here in Orange County. He was a keynote speaker. He was also very personable. I loved that he said something like, "Admit it. You're not here to listen to me. You're here to see Oprah's boyfriend." That brought the house down. I could tell then and there that Oprah and Stedman had a healthy relationship even with her being the more famous of the two. Standing next to him for a photo-op, I chose to simply smile, thank him and not say anything else. Later I had a flash that what I did was what Oprah would have done if she were standing next to my husband!

I'm really happy that Oprah is now showing us that it's okay to leave a comfortable and prosperous place to take a vacation, relax, refresh and move onto something new and even a little risky. Many Boomer women have an opportunity to do that now, whether or not they want the option. Some are being downsized. Others are starting new careers after age 50 as I did a couple of years ago.

Oprah has taught me that no matter how blindingly successful (or even terrible) a person appears, they are just a human like me. I choose my attitude. My attitude is positive thanks in part to what I continue to learn from Oprah.

Love you, Oprah. And from now on, I promise to use my DVR more often!

Alcatraz and Angry Birds

2011-05-13T16:14:00.000-07:00

There's something wonderful about being a "wide-eyed learner" this lifetime. Discovering a new place, pastime or passion can be exhilarating at any age.

Recently, my husband and I spent a weekend in San Francisco. We've both been there many times, but we had never visited Alcatraz, the infamous island prison that closed several years ago and is now a historic tourist attraction. It was the thing we most wanted to do and we were able to get tickets online a few days before our trip. The day we went to Alcatraz was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful days I've ever experienced in the amazing city by the bay - warm, calm waters, blue sky, sailboats and sunshine.

The island did not disappoint. We took the audio tour of the cell blocks and enjoyed a leisurely stroll around the rest of the compound. I was amazed at the English garden that was planted for the prison's residential staff to enjoy and is still in bloom. It's a marked contrast to the run-down buildings and the sometimes terrifying stories of deadly prison breaks and angry inmates of the past.

Once back on the mainland, we walked around Fisherman's Wharf, had lunch at Nonna Rose's, drank wine and watched the gazillion tourists from the Disney Wonder cruise ship which was in port its the way to Alaska for the summer. There were almost as many tourists as there were pigeons and seagulls.

Which brings me to another new experience. This week I got an iPhone. Forget all the cool app's and fabulous graphics, I had to have it because I want to be able to play the game, "Angry Birds," with my grandson, Keegan. At six, he already has an iPhone - or maybe it's an iTouch - but anyway, he plays "Angry Birds" all the time. And now I do too. Today I told some of my associates at work that I may be a candidate for "Angry Birds" rehab. Marcelo replied, "Addiction runs deep!" The truth is, I find this little game to be quite stimulating and VERY funny. That's a good combination for a new pastime, but maybe I need to play outside a little more. I'm passionate about the outdoors too and it's still springtime during which the face of nature is new and different every day. And the birdies are pretty darned happy in my backyard.

Happy Endings

2011-05-06T16:18:00.000-07:00

I received this photo today and simply had to share it and the story it represents because for me, it's a Mother's Day gift. The little white dog on the right is Bailey, my mom's beloved toy poodle. He's playing tug-of-war with his "brother" at Silverado-Newport Mesa. When my mom passed away in January 2010, my husband and I took in Bailey. After a couple of months, our landlord informed us that we could only have two dogs. Unfortunately, Bailey had made three, in addition to our shepherd mix, Vanna, and corgi mix, Bindi Sue. Bailey was extremely overweight at that time and I was very anxious about finding the right person or family to adopt him. My heart was still broken over losing Mom and I felt as if I was losing her again by having to give up her dog.

Then a co-worker suggested something I hadn't even considered. Why not ask a Silverado community to adopt Bailey? After all, our residents are seniors and they love pets. Bailey had been living with my mom and dad at an assisted living community for three years. As great as it sounded, I knew that our company had rules about the kinds of pets they can adopt. I needed to make a decision quickly, so I sent an email to a few of our community administrators. Amazingly, Liana, Administrator of our Newport-Mesa community asked if she could meet Bailey. The rest is history.

A couple of months ago, a tiny, hungry, mangy male Yorkie was found in LA at a construction site in Watts. He, too, had the good fortune of finding his way into Liana's heart. She and her staff named him "Watson," and he instantly became Bailey's "little brother." Occasionally Bailey and Watson get scrappy trying to woo "Precious," the little female white poodle who also lives at the community. But mostly, for these little guys it's all about enjoying life with the residents, staff and each other. And for me this Mother's Day, I know my mom is smiling about the wonderful place where her "baby doggy" discovered his happy ending.

Cheers for "The Silverado Story"

2011-05-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Big news from New York City today...If you're a frequent reader of my blog, then you know I work for Silverado Senior Living at the corporate offices in Irvine. One of my favorite projects of the past two years was to help Silverado's co-founders, Loren Shook and Steve Winner, write a book about their extraordinary company. Last November, their book, "The Silverado Story-A Memory Care Culture Where Love is Greater than Fear," was published by independent publisher AJC Press. The book was truly a labor of love for all involved, from the authors to Silverado associates who shared stories and photos. It was especially meaningful for the editorial-design-publishing team who worked very long hours to make it a reality - Patty Ledezma, Marcelo Soares, Tara Zoumer, Ellen Reid, Sean Glumace and the amazing Audrey Knoth of Goldman & Associates Public Relations. We put in several all-nighters to make the publishing deadline. And when the first real book arrived, we cried happy tears!

Today we are gratified that Silverado's goal of changing the world in the way that the memory-impaired are cared for may be happening in an even bigger way thanks to the broad reach of "The Silverado Story." We learned this afternoon that the book has won a Silver Medal in the 2011 national Independent Publisher Book Awards (IPPY) in the category of Aging. What an honor! Congratulations to Loren, Steve and the team!!

Wait for the Miracle

2011-04-21T15:20:00.000-07:00

Several years ago, I found a little framed poem in a gift shop in the Cherry Creek area of Denver. I don't usually buy stuff like that, but this poem resonated with me. It still sits on a table in my living room. For some reason it seems really appropriate today to share it with my friends and readers because so many of us have been through mighty tough times recently.

Last Sunday, my wonderful minister/friend, Sandy Moore, encouraged all of us to hang in there. When so much yucky stuff is happening all around you and your life is a mess, you may feel compelled to quit. Sandy said, "Don't quit before the miracle." I went home and re-read my little poem by that excellent author, "Anonymous." Here it is:

Don't Quit
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than,
It seems to a faint and faltering man,
Often the struggler has given up,
When he might have captured the victor's cup,
And he learned too late when the night slipped down,
How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Easter is all about miracles. Hope you manifest a miracle this weekend!

A Blue Collar Weekend

2011-04-11T16:33:00.001-07:00

My favorite weekend activities this lifetime have mostly involved the beach, the ocean, the spa, the theatre and the latest trendy gourmet restaurants. My nirvana has been all about sitting on a warm sandy beach under an umbrella reading a novel, taking a bay cruise or sailing to a nearby island like Catalina, getting a massage and a facial at a relaxing aromatic spa, seeing a fabulous Broadway show or even a great new movie and going to a trendy Top Chef restaurant then talking about it with friends the next day. And of course, I have always wanted to do those wonderful things with my lover, although I also enjoy being in the company of girlfriends.

Obviously I would have been a great match for a "metrosexual" type - a guy who likes to get manicures, wear crispy starched shirts, drive a Beemer, and who sports a perfect spray tan. But no, instead I fall for guys who like to work on engines - boats or helicopters or cars. I pick someone who prefers wearing jeans or shorts instead of suits, who is more comfortable in a man cave watching football or auto-racing than a theatre watching a play. So is it any wonder that I spent a recent weekend at a nearby casino resort seeing "Larry the Cable Guy" on Saturday night and going to a NASCAR race at the Auto Club Speedway in Fontana on Sunday? The only wondrous part is that I actually enjoyed the entire weekend, immensely.

At the NASCAR race, I was surprised to meet a lovely, petite blonde woman, probably in her early 70's, who looked a bit like Shirley MacLaine. She asked if she could sit with me at the round plastic picnic table under the bleacher seats that I had staked out for lunch. I motioned her to join me and she set down her hot pretzel with cheese sauce. I was already enjoying a Pink's hotdog. She wore a black jacket emblazoned with patches that blared "professional gear" - Dunlop, PepsiCo, DuPont, Quaker State, GMAC and a gazillion others. Around her neck was a well-worn lanyard carrying a plastic holder for her pit pass. She told me she was alone and that she lived near the track. She loves to drive and she loves drivers. She knew the Unser's and other famous NASCAR names. When my husband joined us, they talked as if they'd known each other for years. I couldn't believe such a refined lady existed at a NASCAR race, let alone one who knew all there was to know about the history of auto-racing. She had a great laugh, too, and I could tell she had many other stories to share about lifelong adventures.

Alas, we never shared our names, so I don't know who she was. But she made a huge difference in my life that day. She was an angel sent to help me suspend judgment and just enjoy myself in a new world. And that I did. It was one of the most exciting sporting events I've ever been to, especially the second-to-last lap when Jimmie Johnson and Kevin Harvick passed Kyle Busch, who had led the entire race. Then Harvick sped around Johnson to win after leading only that last lap. I was jumping up and down and screaming along with everyone else!

After the race, we topped off our blue collar weekend with a visit to Bass Pro Shops in Rancho Cucamonga. It just doesn't get any better than that...until next weekend when I get back to the spa.

Elizabeth Taylor....Fabulous

2011-03-23T10:58:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post to mark the passing of the amazing Elizabeth Taylor. I always loved her work and her gorgeous violet eyes. Can you imagine how excited I was on the morning of February 27th 1992 to learn that I was being called to work with the media at "the hub" at Disneyland for Elizabeth's 60th birthday party in Fantasyland (of course)! One of the Disneyland publicists was ill that day, so they contacted me to work the event. I remember that I was in a drab brown suit, so I rushed over to Main Place Mall and bought a purple suit to wear because I knew it was Elizabeth's favorite color. Then I got to stand by the Sleeping Beauty Castle drawbridge under the bright lights with my walkie-talkie and help a stream of stars exit from their carriages and classic cars. It was great fun to take the hands of Shirley MacClaine and Liz Smith, to greet my "old friend" from Hawaii, Tom Selleck, and his wife, Jilly, and to give directions to David Bowie and Iman who arrived with Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford.

The thing I remember most is Barry Manilow playing the piano and all of the guests, media and Disney cast members singing "Happy Birthday." I stood next to Geena Davis, who was very tall and had the most beautiful complexion I had ever seen. And of course, just seeing the tiny Elizabeth (with her then-hubby Larry Fortensky) basking in all the attention was awesome.

I found this link online to an article that was written the day after that great party when I literally wished on a star: http://articles.latimes.com/1992-02-28/local/me-3127_1_liz-taylor/3

The fabulous Elizabeth Taylor will live on in my heart, that's for sure....

Nobody Calls Baby a Senior!

2011-03-18T13:24:00.000-07:00

The language of getting old is about to be revolutionized by the Baby Boomers. Apparently we just don't like the words that have always been associated with "old." I participated in an American Society on Aging (www.asaging.com) webinar yesterday titled, "Mature Women: What They Want and Need and Why You Should Care" presented by Helen Dennis and Laura Rossman.

I learned I was an "alpha daughter" to my late parents, that older women are still relatively invisible in the media and that Jane Fonda, who is still very visible in the media, has a new fitness program called "Sit and Strong." But what really caught my ear and eye was the part about mature women hating to be called "mature." The presenters admitted they were a bit perplexed about that because they have a "Mature Women" summit at the upcoming ASA Conference in April. I giggled in the muted privacy of my office. And then I started thinking about all the other "old stuff" we Boomers don't like being called.

When I was thirty-something, the AARP Magazine used to be called "Modern Maturity." I'd see it in my parents' mail basket. Now it's just called "The Magazine," albeit with a big AARP behind that title. Boomers don't like "senior" or "geriatric" either. We don't even like "retirement," although some of us like the idea of being retired. We loved the movie, "Cocoon," but we don't want to star in our own version of it. We're the "Not Ready for Senior Center Players" ready for our Saturday Night Live Close-up, except only Betty White seems to get that kind of attention. Neighborhood Center, yes. Senior Center, no.

One of the webinar presenters said businesses who want to attract Boomer women need to "watch your images." You need to know that we are single, married or partnered. We are "aging" but not "old." We're independent. We like to be pictured with our best friends, our adult children and grandchildren. We like to be recognized as financially savvy, healthy and educated....but not old. Maybe it's just a huge groundswell of denial, but I'm inclined to think it's a happy-face opportunity to create new words the way Boomers always have. We're not old, we're "WAY far out." Groovy.

Techie Tales

2011-03-02T21:03:00.000-08:00

Today, it's really hard for me to believe that I left my brilliant hospitality and entertainment career 18 years ago to move to Denver and FIND technology. After 15 years of building a great reputation in travel and entertainment industry marketing in the Caribbean, Hawaii and California, I needed a reality check based on changing times. The NEW reality was technology and the opportunity was in Colorado where a mini-Silicon Valley was emerging. My husband wanted to move out of So CA and I agreed.

At that time I believed that anyone who really knew marketing could switch industries. That firm belief bubbled under my skin and truly propelled me from tourism to technology. There were no theme parks in Denver and I really didn't think my husband's work was going to take me to the ski resorts in the Colorado mountains. We were looking at life in Denver. Without a job and with little savings, I shopped at the Goodwill Store for winter suits and coats and enthusiastically applied to a wide variety of tech companies in the Denver area.

After three months of constant interviews with disappointing results, I finally had a couple of bites in May 1993. Those bites happened at the same time, of course, because that's how it always unfolds. One of the promising interviews was with a cable TV company that promised hundreds of channels in the near future, at a time when we only had seven or nine on local cable. The other job was with a "reseller" of computers and ancillary tech equipment. Back then all of the manufacturers' hardware was distributed to computer dealers by a handful of companies that specialized in distribution. The opportunity to work for a tech company that distributed computers, printers, networking equipment and software was something I couldn't turn down, and fortunately the woman I interviewed with who needed a MarCom pro really wanted me, probably because of my Disney experience. She offered me a job, thanks mostly to the recommendation of one of her staffers, and I became Alice in Wonderland.

I can't begin to elaborate on the fast-track experience of working for Intelligent Electronics (IE) in those days. It was MarCom beyond my wildest dreams. I had hit the mother-load of marketing energy and results, and the scary domain of what can and cannot be done legally with money that came from "vendors." I look back on it as the most exciting time of my life...until now, of course.

All this comes up for me because I watched Steve Jobs unveil the new iPad today. I noticed the news on an associate's monitor early this morning. Thoughts of the new technology, the new ways of "being" that amazing Steve Jobs introduces, played in my head as I worked. In the IE years, my Apple Rep, Nancy, was my favorite. And now, Tim, another IE icon and someone I loved working with, is one of Apple's senior executives, reporting directly to Steve. Notice I'm only dropping first names in these cases!

It's an honor and privilege to be associated with people who are really REALLY changing the world. That's how I feel about having met Steve Jobs and working to promote Apple years ago. And it's how I feel today to work for Silverado Senior Living. I took another big gamble three years ago when I decided to leap into a new career in health care. Amazingly, Silverado founders, Loren Shook and Steve Winner, won a big award for their new book this week and I will get to represent them at the Awards ceremony. "The Silverado Story - A Memory-Care Culture Where Love is Greater than Fear" won the award for Best Business Book of 2010 from the Los Angeles Book Festival. And today Steve Jobs debuted the iPad 2. Hopefully I'll get one of those very soon. It really is ALL GOOD!

Don't be afraid of embracing a totally new way of working, doing and being. That's the moral of this "techie tale." Jump on in!

A Valentine Scrooge

2011-02-14T15:27:00.000-08:00

If you listen to morning news shows and read women's magazines the way I do, then you know that this past weekend was the time to celebrate Valentine's Day, which is actually today. I've been a "Valentine Scrooge" this year, mostly because of moving the weekend before and having so much unpacking still to do.

Instead of thinking about hearts and flowers this weekend, I found myself thinking "Hallmark Holiday" - and not wanting to spend any money on chocolate or cards. One thing weighing heavily on my mind was the loss of about 20 pairs of shoes that I love - mostly black and brown ones that I wear to work frequently. I looked everywhere for that box, including at my new storage unit. By Saturday morning, I was feeling pressured to go out and buy some new black shoes for a "cocktail attire" party we were attending that night. I even considered bagging the party and staying home in front of the TV to watch a poker tournament. That's about as close as I wanted to be to hearts.

Wonder of wonders, when I returned from the car wash at noon, there was a big, open box in my bedroom. SHOES! Glorious shoes! My heart leapt with delight! The box had been labeled "GARAGE" and that's where my husband found it, in a stack of boxes of tools and electrical stuff. I almost cried, I was so overcome with joy!

In that "Cinderella glass-slipper moment," holding a sexy black patent leather heel with a sling back, it occurred to me that my attachment to those shoes was somehow appropriate for a "Hallmark Holiday," because it was truly materialistic. And it felt really good, just the way the chocolate always does when I taste it on Valentine's Day! I didn't feel Scroogy any more!! I wanted to celebrate love and more LOVE!

Today, I wish everyone a very happy Valentine's Day, even if your Valentine happens to be your cat or dog, or maybe your favorite pair of shoes. Pass the chocolate!

Rabbit's Foot

2011-02-10T16:53:00.000-08:00

The Year of the Rabbit is back. That's MY year. When I was younger, I always loved the idea of being a "bunny" in the Chinese calendar. Most of my friends from grade school - Marianne, Terry, Laurie, Vicki, Dru, Linda - are part of my "bunny pack" because we were born in the same year.

I found this when I googled Year of the Rabbit:

People born in the Year of the Rabbit are articulate, talented, and ambitious. They are virtuous, reserved, and have excellent taste. Rabbit people are admired, trusted, and are often financially lucky. They are fond of gossip but are tactful and generally kind. Rabbit people seldom lose their temper. They are clever at business and being conscientious, never back out of a contract. They would make good gamblers for they have the uncanny gift of choosing the right thing. However, they seldom gamble, as they are conservative and wise. They are most compatible with those born in the years of the Sheep, Pig, and Dog.

Well, that seems mostly true, except for the "fond of gossip" part, although I can think of more than one person who would debate that with me. My two husbands have been a less-than-compatible Rat and Tiger, in that order. Who needs compatibility? I prefer funny, intelligent and dependable.

I've always thought of myself as lucky. It's as if I've had an invisible rabbit's foot in my pocket for most of my life. Maybe it's my Rabbit birth year! Whatever, I did learn that the whole rabbit's foot thing is pretty gross. In North American folklore, it's only the left hind foot of a rabbit that is useful as a lucky charm. And the rabbit that the left hind foot comes from has to have been shot or captured in a cemetery on the night of a new moon or on Friday the 13th. PUHLEEZE! What's lucky about that? So much for the image of a sweet, fuzzy little lucky charm!

I'll stick to lucky because I'm a Chinese Year of the Rabbit girl. Just don't call me Bunny.

Cruisin' for Caregivers

2011-01-30T16:41:00.000-08:00

It just doesn't get any better than this!

That's one of my favorite sentences. Whenever I feel like saying it, I know magic is happening and I'm in the flow of pure bliss! That's what happened last week during the annual WomanSage Cares four-day cruise aboard Carnival Paradise out of Long Beach.

WomanSage hosted 25 caregivers and a few extraordinary volunteers for a delightful respite cruise with another 45 members and guests. It was the third time I've cruised with the WomanSage group - and the experience definitely qualified as "third time's the charm" for me. It was fun, relaxing, rewarding, enlightening and the weather was absolutely perfect. I forget that January on the West Coast can be as beautiful as it is in the Caribbean and Hawaii.

Kudos to the amazing Carole Shaw, Administrator of Silverado Senior Living-San Juan Capistrano, who served as keynote speaker for our caregiver gathering on the ship. She was an inspiration to all, including me. She reminded us about how it's really a choice to come from love when caregiving, instead of being pulled into fear and resentment. God bless you, Carole, and bless all the wonderful caregivers who joined us - Anna, Evelyn, Kathleen, Donna, Bardo, Kathy, just to name a few. And thanks to our returning caregivers led by the inspirational Patty Alfaro! We love you!

During this year's cruise, I had the pleasure of hanging out with my cousin, Dru, and her daughter, Shannon (my namesake) and our lifelong friend, Lindy. We laughed nonstop, we disco-danced till the wee hours, we spent quality time (and money) at the spa, we toured, we drank wine at Ensenada's vineyards, tasted great tequila at Papas & Beer, and we enjoyed dessert every single night. It was the greatest of chick trips! I highly recommend the four-day Carnival Paradise cruise to all girlfriends who want to celebrate life!

One of the highlights of the trip was a visit to Ensenada's wine country. Who knew Ensenada had great vineyards? I did not. I had planned to stay on the ship during the day in Mexico this year. I didn't think I could have as good a time ashore as I did last a year ago with Gary, the Bucci's and the Fowler's. Then I won a nice jackpot in the casino on Tuesday night and decided to buy a ticket for the wine country trip. It was a great time. We discovered that one of the lovely vineyards also has a bull ring! Apparently the owner likes the tradition of bullfighting and decided he wanted to host a couple of bull fights each year.

One of the photos here is of me and my friend, Muff, at the vineyard bull ring. The other is of Carole Shaw at the L.A. Cetta vineyard looking into a big barrel. She had to climb up there to get both the view AND the photo! That's our Carole - fearless!

Love is indeed greater than fear. I'm grateful to my friends at WomanSage for supporting this cruise for caregivers, all of whom are close to my heart. What a wonderful world!

Join Us at the ASA Conference!

2011-01-20T10:30:00.000-08:00

Today I’m writing to you on behalf of the American Society on Aging to invite you to attend the largest multidisciplinary conference on aging and health care in the country – Aging in America – taking place in San Francisco, California, April 26-30 (a beautiful time of year in San Francisco). This photo of me and my dear friend, Dr. Ann Harwood from Montana, was taken at last year's conference in Chicago.

This year, I will be presenting an informative session at the conference with my friend and WomanSage founder Jane Glenn Haas. There is also a panel discussion featuring my colleagues from Silverado - our Co-Founder, Chief of Culture and Alzheimer's Futurist Steve Winner (co-author of "The Silverado Story-A Memory-Care Culture Where Love is Greater than Fear" - www.silveradostory.com), Senior VP Health Services Anne Ellett and Silverado-Belmont Hills Administrator in Training Maryam Mahbod, talking about our famous golf program that was written up in the Wall Street Journal. I hope you will plan to attend the conference and also schedule time for our sessions. To find out when and where I will be presenting, simply visit www.agingconference.org and click on Search the Sessions, and then enter any of our last names in the space provided.

This conference is amazing. Last year was my first time attending. Aging in America is a very important subject I've written about in this blog. With 78 million Baby Boomers turning 65 over the next 18 years, aging is a hot topic. What I'm interested in right now is what happens when all of us who are used to technology - who use ATM's, iPads, Blackberries, Kindles and shop and pay our bills online - can no longer remember our passwords? That's the kind of conversation that happens at the ASA Conference. You or your company may have an answer, or more importantly, you may be interested in answers and solutions.

Make sure you register by February 15th to get the early registration rate. Also, if you are planning to come, you should definitely take time to make your hotel reservations as I've heard hotel rooms are going fast. Please see below for more information on the conference. You may also visit the conference website at www.agingconference.org.

To contact ASA directly to request a conference brochure, call 1-800-537-9728 or e-mail jutkam@asaging.org.

Next?

2011-01-17T20:07:00.000-08:00

I love the power and simplicity of a one-word question. This one - "Next?" - is about change and movement. It's about welcoming something new, even scary, because it's what you have to do.

Who's next? What's next? Are you next? Am I next?

Sometimes there is a little fear of the unknown in asking the question. Yet if you've just completed a fulfilling conversation, then maybe it's a question of excitement, delight, even love.

Tonight I'm thinking about U.S. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, lying in a hospital bed in Tucson, breathing on her own and holding hands with her husband, astronaut Mike Kelly. Both of them are staying present, yet somewhere in their experience is that question about what's next. I'm thinking about a dear and treasured friend who left a job last week to move onto something new and I'm very aware that this question is a positive one for him and everyone who loves him. I'm thinking about my soul sister, Sandy Moore, whose book debuts February 1st and everyone who knows and loves her wants it to be a best-seller. "Next" is what will be revealed.

My own experience of this question is both exhilarating and scary as I embrace moving to a new home, a new neighborhood and a new perspective about how the days, months and years of my life will unfold. I'm embracing changes with trepidation, remembering that LOVE is greater than fear. Oh yeah.

Things change. We change. Sometimes "next" is something mysterious. And sometimes "next" is the same old thing, but maybe with different colors. There's a gift in the answer to the question!

Next?

What's next for you?

Light of the World

2011-01-09T12:27:00.000-08:00

It's a new year! I'm happy to be out of the darkness and now basking in the light of the world, namely the love of my family, friends, associates and God. I can feel myself vibrating at a higher energy than I've experienced in a couple of years! I've lost weight and am enjoying a healthier body and attitude.

We spent the weekend with niece Lindsey and her fiance, Nels, a.k.a. "Cupcake and Thor," visiting from Seattle, as well as my wonderful sister-in-law, Nancy, and the extended Sumner-Haeckel family. The family calls this "late Christmas" gathering "The Fatted Taco Fest." Don't ask me why....but wow, those were some awesome fat tacos prepared by my "Sister Aunties," Susan and Margo (who cares if Margo forgot the tomatoes and black olives - we chopped martini olives instead).

Football reigned, putting smiles on the faces of the guests of honor with the big playoff win for the Seahawks. Thor did an authentic happy dance, although he doesn't look anything like Snoopy.

What's lighting up your world as we approach 1/11/11?

Intuitive Intention

2010-12-27T15:45:00.000-08:00

Synchronicity is choreographed by a great, pervasive intelligence that lies at the heart of nature, and is manifest in each of us through intuitive knowledge. ---Deepak Chopra

Last week I decided simply to follow my intuition through the holidays instead of trying to fill my days with activities planned in advance. The only two plans I made - because I really wanted to - were to attend church services at 7 PM on Christmas Eve and to go to my cousin's home on Christmas Day. Late last week my dear friend and minister, Sandy Moore, asked me if I wanted to join her and her family for "late supper" at a lovely restaurant in Laguna Beach after church on the 24th. "Sure, that would be great," I said. It was my intuition talking.

In the back of my mind, I knew that Christmas Eve dinner with the Moore's would be enchanting. I knew that Sandy would ask each of us an engaging question of some sort. She did that at dinner every night during the wonderful Caribbean cruise Gary and I went on with her and her husband, our co-minister Kirk, five years ago. Each night, we shared deep thoughts and deep laughter too. After dinner, Gary would order all of us the evening's nightcap served in a colorful metal shot glass "keepsake." By the end of the week, we had enough glasses to start a bell choir. But I digress....

I arrived early for the church service and was able to sit in the second row in front of the horn section of the band. I love sitting close to the musicians so I was happy not to have someone with me who would say, "I can't stand being this close to the speakers." My friend, June Crockett, sat down next to me. Soon it was standing room only in the sanctuary. The music was fabulous, especially the duet of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" by our vocalist, Gretchen Almond, and Taylor Carroll, a teenage cancer survivor and church member whose voice is very similar to Josh Groban's. There wasn't a dry eye in the house. The service ended with an incredible candlelighting ceremony with everyone holding a lit candle and singing "Silent Night." Thankfully the smoke alarms didn't go off when everyone blew out their candles.

Later, when we arrived at the beautiful oceanfront restaurant, it was crowded with revelers enjoying Christmas at the beach. Once we had our cocktails, Sandy asked her first great question, "What's your grown-up Christmas wish?" She elaborated by asking what did we wish for ourselves or the world - maybe just one or two words. The first thing that jumped into my mind was patience. The word settled into my heart. I wasn't really sure why my wish was patience, because God knows I've been very patient the past few months. When I was a child, I thought my mom needed to learn patience. I looked up the definition in the dictionary and it said, "The quality or habit of enduring without complaint." That definition wasn't really what I would have termed my "Christmas wish." I took a deep breath and, sure enough, patience resonated in my body. "Maybe it's a different kind of patience," I thought.

When I shared "Patience," Sandy looked at me and said, "Wow, that's interesting, Shannon, because I experience you as being amazingly patient already." I hesitated a moment and said, "It's not just patience for me, it's for everything." Everyone was shaking their heads up and down. They knew. One of the things that struck me in the movie, "How Do You Know," was the idea of just shutting up and not talking - not blurting out words you're thinking, just because you can say them. Ever since seeing the movie two weeks ago, I've been choosing NOT to say a lot of things. For someone with the nickname, "Mouth of the Pacific," that's a REALLY BIG DEAL!

OK, so here's where it gets more interesting. The past two Sundays, Sandy has been talking about a new book by Pema Chodron called "Taking the Leap - Freeing Ourselves from Old Habits and Fears." She has shared quotes from the book like this one: As human beings we have the potential to disentangle ourselves from old habits, and the potential to love and care about each other. We have the capacity to wake up and live consciously, but, you may have noticed, we also have a strong inclination to stay asleep. It’s as if we are always at a crossroad, continuously choosing which way to go. Moment by moment we can choose to go toward further clarity and happiness or toward confusion and pain.

On Christmas Day, still ruminating about why I would choose patience for my grown-up wish, as well as my intention for 2011, I googled "patience and anger." I was thinking maybe it's my anger and pain that wants me to choose patience. Lo and behold, right at the top of the page was: "The Answer to Anger & Aggression is Patience," an article by none other than Pema Chodrun. I clicked on it immediately. The article blew me away. Take this, for instance:

To begin with, I learned about patience and the cessation of suffering. It’s said that patience is a way to de-escalate aggression. I’m thinking here of aggression as synonymous with pain. When we’re feeling aggressive—and in some sense this would apply to any strong feeling—there’s an enormous pregnant quality that pulls us in the direction of wanting to get some resolution. It hurts so much to feel the aggression that we want it to be resolved. So what do we usually do? We do exactly what is going to escalate the aggression and the suffering. We strike out; we hit back. Something hurts our feelings, and initially there is some softness there—if you’re fast, you can catch it—but usually you don’t even realize there is any softness. You find yourself in the middle of a hot, noisy, pulsating, wanting-to-just-get-even-with-someone state of mind: it has a very hard quality to it. With your words or your actions, in order to escape the pain of aggression, you create more aggression and pain. At that point, patience means getting smart: you stop and wait. You also have to shut up, because if you say anything it’s going to come out aggressive, even if you say, “I love you.”

I love it that Chodrun also writes that fearlessness goes with patience. She says that if you practice the kind of patience that leads to the de-escalation of aggression, you'll be cultivating a tremendous amount of courage. You get to "see the whole thing without acting it out."

So once again, synchronicity and intuitive intention seems to be working for my greater good. I am looking for patience and curiosity to be my guides as we cross over into 2011. And a little forgiveness too.

Here's a link to Chodrun's article: http://www.shambhalasun.com/index.php?option=content&task=view&id=1309

Happy New Year!

Good Photo on Silverado's LIFE blog

2010-12-24T04:14:00.000-08:00

We needed a good photo of a Silverado Hospice patient who passed away this year for an article about holiday grief....I found one with TWO late, great hospice patients:

http://silveradoblogs.com/news/?p=1221

Gifts from Gaye and God

2010-12-17T13:32:00.001-08:00

I've been determined not to feel super sad about my current life situation during this holiday season. My intention to enjoy this festive time with family and friends has been very strong. Happily, it's manifesting in amazing invitations and fun experiences to go along with therapy, of course!

Late last week, my friend Gaye called to ask if I wanted to bring our mutual friend, Sandy, and join her and Rick for the Hollywood premiere of a new film, "How Do You Know." I was incredulous at such good fortune, and of course both Sandy and I said YES. Monday night, Sandy and I walked the red carpet (on the OPPOSITE side of the cameras because we were on the "B" list - but so what!) in Westwood, watched the movie with Hollywood elite including its stars, Reese Witherspoon, Owen Wilson, Jack Nicholson, Paul Rudd and hobknobbed with the rich and famous at the fabulous Sony Pictures party afterwards. We got very close to adorable Owen Wilson, who truly steals the whole film, Reese Witherspoon (pictured in above via my very bad crackberry photo) and Paul Rudd, and we also saw a bunch of other stars including Hank Azaria, Seth Rogen and Jane Fonda. We didn't get to see Jack, but we did see his kids. And the food was awesome. I discovered that one fabulous night of dreamy, starstruck activity is great medicine for a broken heart!

And then last night I summoned all my courage and went out to watch the Newport Harbor Boat Parade of Lights with Cory, Em, Keegan and Kendall.....and Gary. We dined at old fave Wilma's then dashed off to the waterfront to see the lights. "Dashing" seems to have bee n Kendall's chosen theme for the evening. She dashed in the sand as the boats passed and screamed with glee at the bright lights everywhere. Keegan was especially interested in the "real" snowman (more like an "iceman") in the patio of a bayfront home. Thanks to my low expectations for the evening, it turned out to be a very sweet experience of how important children are during this time of year. Their imaginations and excitement illumined the night as much as the lights from the boat parade.

Thanks again to everyone who has sent me best wishes. The healing has begun.

Suspending Judgment

2010-11-28T21:08:00.000-08:00

One of the big challenges many of us face during the holidays is letting go of our expectations of how the season is supposed to be. I love to say, "Life is good." It became my mantra in the early 80's after I heard a catchy little John Denver tune titled "Life is so good." In the 90's someone sent me a "Life is good" t-shirt with a happy little stick figure wearing a beret. I wore it a lot but somehow the shirt and the slogan lost their luster when my first husband died in April 1995. The shirt went to the Goodwill during the holiday season that year along with lots of other stuff I could no longer bear to look at or keep. That was the year I realized how horrible the holidays can be when you are stuck in a place where nothing in your life feels good.

I'm bringing this up because this past weekend I had a delightful time with my family celebrating the lighting of a big pine tree in Idyllwild, CA. There was a serious chill in the air that seemed to put everyone in the mountain town in a festive mood. We drank hot cider and cocoa and talked with people in the street, watched Santa Claus arrive by fire engine and went to The Lumber Mill for a burger. At the restaurant I overheard some jolly young men dressed in camouflage uniforms tell the hostess they were from Camp Pendleton Marine Base. I wondered how they could be so cheerful given the nature of their current business. For a moment I was reminded that NOT everyone feels like celebrating during the holidays.

After dinner we visited the local shops, checking out trinkets, trash and treasures - all the stuff that makes a quaint little town even more fun. In the back of one of the shops I saw t-shirts featuring the familiar "Life is good" stick figure. As I got closer, I noticed the saying emblazoned on this shirt was "Life is crap." I laughed out loud remembering that awful holiday season in 1995 when all I could do was cry. And I thought about my daughter-in-law's recent run-in with the "hungry and homeless" guy she bought a sandwich for who practically threw the sandwich back at her, angrily calling her names because she chose to give him food instead of cash. As I wrote in a recent post, life's really what you decide it is, especially this time of year.

A great tip if you want to get more joy out of life is to suspend judgment - of your boss, your mother-in-law, the government, your children, retailers, shoppers, other drivers, the "system," the homeless, yourself - EVERYONE and EVERYTHING! If you find yourself judging someone, play that game where your right hand has one voice and your left has another. Let the judgmental voice speak through one hand, then allow the non-judgmental voice to drown it out, ever so politely. This process will make you laugh....and laughter brings joy.

Another thing you can do is pick the person or thing that bugs you the most and find a way to confront him/her/it through service. If it bothers you to see homeless people with signs asking for help because you're sure they're going to buy booze or drugs with the coins you might toss in their cups, then get in touch with your local shelter and offer to volunteer there for a few hours. If you are bothered by all the slow elderly drivers on the roads, volunteer at an adult day care center for an afternoon. Give the gift of your time to a senior, especially someone suffering from Alzheimer's or dementia. If you think the season is too commercial, purchase some "shoes for the soul" and give the gift of new shoes to a child in need. Get information from your church or the search engines about how you can sign up to make a difference for someone this year. Ehow.com offers a great place to start: http://www.ehow.com/topic_377_holiday-charity-giving-guide.html

Finally, if you're the one in distress - financially, personally, emotionally - take a few minutes to consider how it feels to accept the kindness of friends, family or strangers. Suspend judging yourself as a loser, a taker, too old, too fat, too sad, and refresh yourself through gratitude. Many people out there want to give without expecting anything. Your acceptance is the gift they receive in return.

When you suspend judgment during the holidays and focus on either helping those less fortunate or accepting the kindess of those more fortunate, then believe me, Life is good . I think it's time I find another one of those shirts!

Five Things to Ask Yourself about Bookends

2010-11-21T12:53:00.000-08:00

My husband and I enjoyed a discussion about bookends last night after he read my blog post. Our conversation was based on these five questions:

1. Right now, are you in a place of joy, up against a challenge (sorrow, anger, depression, etc.) or are you somewhere in between the bookends?

2. What is a challenge you face today?

3. Can you name three things you are grateful for at this moment? If so, what are they?

4. What are the names of three people or pets that bring you joy? Say them out loud.

5. Considering that gratitude and joy, does your feeling about your challenge(s) change? If so, describe that feeling.

After this exercise, chances are you are in a better place than you may have thought you were five minutes ago! ENJOY!

Bookends

2010-11-20T18:49:00.001-08:00

With "The Boomer Can Can" reaching old friends far and wide, I was bound to hear good and bad news from folks I haven't connected with in years. Some are celebrating weddings, vacation travel, new babies in the family, new homes, new jobs, successful businesses. Others are dealing with financial problems, foreclosure, relationship woes, job loss, serious illness, and deaths in the family.

Hearing these myriad stories this week before Thanksgiving made me feel as if JOY and CHALLENGE really are like bookends in our lives. Some of the people who shared great joy have also experienced hard times the past few years. Others who shared tragedy and pain have had lots of joyful times prior to their shocking reality of today. And there's so much that happens in between the joy and sorrow.

I lost my precious mom, Marianne, last January and my beloved dog, Vanna, in July. We had some financial challenges that we didn't see coming. And that was on top of other unpleasantries I won't mention. We are getting through it with the support of friends, family, our senses of humor, and the grace of God.

I am blessed to have a wonderful job working with and for people I respect, and yes...even love. My family is close - well, most of us are. I have "new" family to treasure this year - cousins I haven't known for most of our lives. What a joy it is to have found them. My fabulous "old family" still rocks. And I've reconnected with a few long lost friends thanks to social media. Plus I have a bunch of new friends from WomanSage and work. And I can't forget the blessed animals who never cease to make me smile.

I must say, my best friends are still my superheroes - you know who you are. I believe my friends guide and support me through the rough waters and are always there to celebrate with me when the good stuff inevitably comes around again. You see, friends are the most important bookends of all.

This Thanksgiving, I'm grateful for the wonderful FRIENDS and PETS who serve as my bookends along with JOY and CHALLENGE. And most especially, today I am grateful to my best friend - my husband. It's comforting to have him as my "mirror" through thick and thin. WE are one another's most cherished bookends.

Boomer Can Can Lyrics

2010-11-17T20:43:00.001-08:00

Here are the lyrics to the "Boomer Can Can" song on YouTube:

Boomer what do you do when you’ve nothing to look forward to

Do you walk around the mall and not buy anything at all

Or do you volunteer somewhere to help someone and show you care

Do you sit and watch TV and at the breaks think “woe is me”

Just stay present

I can hear my friends tell me

Just stay present

Take a walk, look at the sea

Just stay present

Lucky that you have your health

Just stay present

Who cares that you lost your wealth

Just stay on track, and don’t look back, no don’t look back, no don't look back now

GO walking in the mountains, smelling all the flowers, picking up the trash that people leave out on the trails,

Stop at local Starbucks, start a conversation with someone you’ll never see again

And then

Get a Netflix movie, see it with your loved one, listen to him bitch about a silly chick flick

Or cook a pot of chili, watch some weekend football, eat and pray and love just for today.

Do you have a pet at home who helps to calm your urge to roam

Are you now a Facebook fan who stays at home for Farmville land

And what about your work today, is it enough to make you say

That you don’t care about what’s next long as there’s someone to text

A chocolate bar this afternoon, a glass of wine to cure the gloom

the gloom the gloom-the gloom boom-boom

CLEAR junk out from your attic, rent a little dumpster, throw away the stuff you really don’t need now that

Your kids are grown-ups and you’re already a grandma,

But you’re not dead yet, you’re not dead yet!

And YOU still can drive a car so drive it to a BAR and have some bottled water with a slice of lemon

Then use your sanitizer so you won’t get sick and have to leave the earth.

Wear big girl pants

Get up and dance

Look in the mirror

Shake off your fear

Dream one big dream you can today,

You still could meet George Clooney HEY…

And you can live another day

because your life is still okay

You can-You can-You can-You can ….

LIVE - FOR - TO - DAY!

___________________

And YES, I copyrighted the lyrics! I had to, after singing them non-stop for six weeks, driving my husband and co-workers crazy, probably my neighbors too. Thanks again to wonderful WomanSage friends who not only performed, but laughed along with me and many who gave us a standing ovation! Boomers ROCK!

The Boomer Can Can

2010-11-16T21:03:00.000-08:00

The Boomer Can Can is Here

2010-11-16T20:47:00.000-08:00

The grand finale for the recent WomanSage Conference featured me and the amazing WomanSage Follies in "The Boomer Can Can" - now on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzgCsSugvyE

I have to thank my awesome follies, especially Linda Broderick, whose name was left off the credits at the end. The ladies of the follies represent some of my dearest old and new friends. Some are WomanSage board members. Others are business women. All are good sports and willing to be a little hammy in the name of entertainment.

Sometimes when you're feeling down, the best thing you can do is just put on a show, as Judy Garland and Mickey Rooney did during the Great Depression. That's what caused me to sit down and write the lyrics to this version of the Can Can. I needed a break from all the bad news that's still happening a couple of years into the Great Recession.

Enjoy the video. Pass it on to other Boomers who need a laugh today. I'll post the lyrics tomorrow!

Meeting Maria

2010-11-05T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've been a Maria Shriver fan since a night in the early 80's when I bumped into her as I was taking my mom's luggage out of the back seat of my Honda at Honolulu International Airport. It was late because Mom was taking the red-eye back to Los Angeles. I wore a long, blue and white floral print muu-muu. I proceeded to step on the hem of my muu-muu as I tried to negotiate the curb with the gigantic red hardback suitcase. I dropped the bag, fell forward a bit and was saved from doing a complete swan dive onto the pavement by a uniformed driver who caught my right arm as I brushed against a very thin girl with long hair. A man with a thick accent said, "Are you ok?" I said yes, and looked up to see the foreigner picking up Mom's bag was Arnold Schwarzenegger and the thin girl was Maria Shriver. I blurted something about being sorry and they just smiled.

As Maria and Arnold walked toward the terminal with a porter, my mother stood there saying, "That's Maria Kennedy and the big barbarian, did you notice?" She repeated it a couple more times till I almost picked up her bag and threw it at her. In 2003, Mom and I laughed out loud recalling the "bumping and blurting" incident as I sat at my parents' kitchen table helping Mom cast her absentee vote for Schwarzenegger in the California gubernatorial election.

Maria seemed nice. That was important to me in those days when I was meeting lots of celebrities in Hawaii, and some of them were NOT nice. I enjoyed her reports on TV news and loved her first book, Ten Things I Wish I'd Known Before I Went Out Into The Real World (2000), which was given to me by my mom. When Maria's daddy, Sargent Shriver, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I became more interested in the disease and what was being done to find a cure. And of course, now I work for Silverado Senior Living, an innovative company dedicated to changing the world of Alzheimer's care for the better.

For the past five years, I've tried to purchase tickets to the California Women's Conference, hosted by First Lady Maria Shriver. Sadly, I'm never fast enough. Tickets sell out in 15 minutes on Ticketmaster. I don't know anyone connected with the conference who had access to tickets. But this year right after the tickets sold out during the summer, something magical happened. First, I was able to get two tickets to A Night at the Village, a special conference event featuring some of my current favorite celebrities - the chefs of the Food Network. When I saw that Paula Deen would be there, I had to get tickets. I called my daughter-in-law, Emilie, and invited her to go with me.

Second, the next day, I got a Google Alert about a new event Maria Shriver was hosting, "Maria's March on Alzheimer's." I called to find out how Silverado might get involved. Long story short, our company was the first sponsor signed. We became the "March Champion" and pulled together a team of marchers for the event. In the meantime, I worked to ensure the new book by Silverado's co-founders, The Silverado Story - A Memory Care Culture Where Love is Greater than Fear, would be published in time for National Alzheimer's Awareness Month in November.

Cut to October 24th, the big day of Maria's March. I joined the 50+ marchers from Silverado in Long Beach. We had a Silverado booth that was next to Skechers and not too far from Jamba Juice. A big crowd had gathered for the 5K. What fun to see Maria Shriver and her daughter, Katherine, on the lagoon walkway behind our booth. And what MORE fun it was to have Maria come into our booth, shake hands with me, thank us for participating, and politely accept the new book by Loren Shook and Steve Winner. She turned around and posed for photos with Silverado march organizers Carilyn Long, her son, Corey, and Robyn Phillips.

While at the March that day, observing Maria interacting with Arnold and other celebrities, I remembered that near-accident at Honolulu Airport 25 years or so ago. I thought about my sweet, funny mom who would have loved being at the March with me. Maria lost her mom, Eunice Shriver, a year ago and I lost mine last January. I thought about how people move in and out of our lives and how it's funny the way life places us in the right place at the right time when we simply allow it to happen.

The next night, Emilie and I went to A Night at the Village. When we entered the Convention Center, we received a beautiful big silver bag with "IT'S TIME" on the side printed in lavendar. We shopped, had a glass of wine, listened to Megan and Cindy McCain on one stage, then watched Maria interact with Paula Deen, Giada Di Laurentis, Ali Wentworth and Jessica Simpson on another stage. While walking across the Village floor, we literally bumped into Iron Chef Cat Cora, who agreed to a quick photo with Emilie. Another fun accidental bump incident! It was a delightful, exciting night. Next year, Emilie and I hope to be fast enough to get tickets to the conference.

Thank you, Maria, for hosting awesome events every year and for just being yourself while serving as our First Lady. You're way beyond nice....you're an inspiration!

Attitude Really is Everything

2010-11-01T20:24:00.000-07:00

In this season of football, elections and "Dancing with the Stars," it may sound trite to say "Attitude is everything," but I just got a HUGE dose of that life lesson. I've told many friends that the past two weeks have been among the most challenging of my life.

It wasn't like planning a wedding, although I did feel like a bridezilla at times. It was difficult because there wasn't any downtime. I had four big, important events to manage in addition to running a new Silverado publishing company and making sure the new book by CEO Loren Shook and Chief of Culture Steve Winner was printed and delivered on deadline. I spoke at a big CA health industry conference, and said farewell to a treasured associate who moved to San Francisco last week leaving me with beaucoup interviews to find her replacement. I emceed the WomanSage Conference all day Saturday and kept the energy way up for the wonderful crowd of women (and a few brave men) who attended. On top of all that, we had to pack up everything for Silverado's corporate office move from San Juan Capistrano to Irvine, CA. Two crazy weeks!

At the onset of the busy time, I realized I would have to maintain a "Ruby Slippers Attitude" to get through it without second-guessing my commitment. Attitude would be key to staying positive and calm. I didn't even ask myself how to do that. I just committed to being in the flow, took deep breaths, prayed and visualized myself on November 1st, happily unpacking boxes in my office with "Flashdance-What a Feeling" playing in the background! Glenda the Good Witch told Dorothy that she had the power to go home any time and didn't have to go through all the Oz craziness with the Wicked Witch and her evil flying primates. After more than a little stress, more than a few mistakes, and one minor meltdown, I gladly confronted my own witch on Halloween last night, handing out treats and game scores to revelers who visited the Man Cave and showing off my scary devil dog.

Today, I followed the traffic-jammed yellow brick road to the new offices where I unpacked and sang "What a Feeling." NONE of the positive events of the past two weeks would have happened without my beloved team - the people who do what needs to be done, give up weekends and nights to stay on track and on time and don't complain because they, too, know the power of a positive attitude. They know attitude determines altitude....and they love to soar above the trivial and mundane. They are part of a big picture team that can execute the small picture. They know who they are....and I am blessed to work alongside them.

It's also great to have an enthusiastic partner by my side who cheers me on and holds down the fort when I'm away. He went out of his way and left his favorite college football games to come and watch me do a silly song and dance at the end of the conference on Saturday (more on that next post). True love is a brilliant attitude lift.

Tonight, I'm happy to say that my attitude is all gratitude.

Football - My Alzheimer's Prevention Program

2010-10-10T14:23:00.000-07:00

I'm a huge fan of Frank LaFerla, Ph.D., Director of UCI MIND - the UCI Institute for Memory Impairments and Neurological Disorders. Dr. LaFerla (pictured here) is a Professor of Neurobiology and Behavior in the School of Biological Sciences at my alma mater, UC Irvine. I have had the distinct pleasure of hearing him speak four times in the past year and his message always fascinates me to the point of incredulity. That's probably because after years of working in travel, hospitality, technology and entertainment marketing, I now find myself in health care marketing, specifically in the field of memory care. Dr. LaFerla is world-renowned as the brilliant guy with the Alzheimer's mice (find out more by visiting www.mind.uci.edu). He's kind of the "American Idol" for brain research!

This may not trigger thrills and chills in you right now, but if you had the chance to hear Dr. LaFerla speak, I guarantee you'd be blown away the same way I have been! His research indicates that neural stem cells (NOT to be confused with those controversial embryonic stem cells) may rescue memory in Advanced Alzheimer's. He also says that if you want to keep your brain healthy as you age, you need to be out there learning something totally new all the time. He suggests a foreign language, how to play a musical instrument, Sudoku, a tough gourmet cooking class. On that note, Dr. LaFerla is an excellent Italian chef, whose personally cooked dinners fetch super-high bids at silent auctions benefitting UCI MIND (yes, I'm one of the many who has been outbid for that prize).

After hearing Dr. LaFerla speak at Saddleback Church recently, I decided to learn Spanish. Unfortunately, I don't have time to do that right now, so I started thinking about other stuff I could learn that would take me outside the marketing/cooking/writing "box" that is my comfort zone. Today, on a typical fall Sunday at my home, it hit me. I'm already doing it. I'm learning about football!

As a teenager, I resented football taking over our family's living room every Saturday and Sunday as my brother sat glued to our one TV. I purposely chose a college that did NOT have a football team, although I admit to attending a few Stanford and UCLA games with boyfriends. I had no idea what was happening on the field except when a player somehow scored a touchdown and everyone screamed. Mostly I liked half time.

My first husband didn't care about football, either. He liked boating. We spent our weekends at sea. And when we stayed ashore, we went to movies or rode his motorcycle on Saturday and Sunday. With no children of my own, I never experienced football or cheer-leading practice, or high school Friday night lights.

This life without football was just fine with me until my first husband passed away in 1995 and four years later, I married a rabid football fan. We're talking Broncos tailgate parties every home game, college games on TV all day Saturday, "sacred" chili nights every Monday from September to January. I never really knew what he was talking about when he would call plays at our favorite sports bar in Englewood, CO. I was more interested in playing trivia games. I humored him by going to Bronco games, freezing my you-know-what off, and enthusiastically cheering while not really understanding why.

All that has changed in the past few years. We moved from Denver to California and I found myself missing the Broncos. It was apparent we'd be watching NFL games every Sunday and college games on Saturday. Our niece, Lindsey, enrolled in and graduated from University of Washington, rendering me a Dawgs fan, initially because she and her boyfriend were in the Husky marching band. In the spirit of "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em," I decided to try and learn about the game of football. I wanted to learn more about the game than touchdowns and four quarters.

I began by watching "The NFL Today" on CBS after my favorite "Sunday Morning" show. I liked the panel that includes retired Bronco Shannon Sharpe. Then I started reading about NFL coaches, players and team owners. And I went online to learn about the college teams and coaches. I watched all the football movies again - Rudy, Jerry McGuire, Remember the Titans, Brian's Song, Invincible, We Are Marshall - and I started watching games and asking my husband, who is my football coach, to help me understand the plays, the penalties, the jargon, why time-outs are called, and more. This past July, for the first time, I found myself looking forward to football season just as much as Halloween.

I cleaned house this morning with "The NFL Today" playing on TV's in every room. I chose to watch the Green Bay/Washington game because I like Redskins coach Mike Shanahan who used to coach our Broncos. Now, with a clean house, I am enjoying the Raiders/Chargers game. I root for the Chargers, which is controversial in this home where we are serious Bronco fans. I didn't understand until a week ago that although Broncos have a big rivalry with the Raiders, we shouldn't root for the Chargers because they have a better chance of displacing the Broncos this year. I have finally figured out what "Holding" is. Today, I learned about what is the weak side and strong side of the field for a particular play!

In my quest to stave off Alzheimer's, I have a lot more football to learn this season. I'll sign up for that Spanish class after the Super Bowl next February. And tonight, in honor of Dr. LaFerla, I'm cooking Italian chicken for me and my coach.

Dancing with a Dork

2010-09-27T20:45:00.000-07:00

My close friends will never let me forget a misstep I took around the time I turned 40. I went to a concert at the Hollywood Bowl with my good friend and Disney co-worker, Char. We got the tickets from a director who couldn't go. I'd heard of the performer, but didn't really know what to expect. We bought some sandwiches and wine to take inside with us, but of course we had to leave the wine behind. I didn't care because it was so much fun to be back at a concert. I hadn't been to one in five years.

The opening act was an unknown, Celine Dion. She electrified the crowd with her vocal range. And then came the main performer, a charismatic singer with a soulful voice, and the most amazing long blond curly hair. We had fantastic seats close to the stage and he came out into the audience and stood in the aisle at our row, where he literally sang to me and Char. I fell under a spell.....It was as if I was the enchanted princess in a Disney movie. Little did I know it was a bad fall.

By the end of the concert, he was my hero. By the next day, he was my obsession. I went online via Prodigy to seek information about this captivating figure. I found out where he came from, where he lived now, all about his love life, his children, his music, his love of baseball. He was playing in a charity softball game in LA the next day. I knew I had to go there. Char and I went together. We cheered for him and even clapped for his girlfriend, a TV starlet.

On Prodigy, I found a group of women from all over the country who were fans of this same musician. We formed a little group of 30 and 40-somethings who loved the man and his music. Some of us were married. Some of us were soccer moms. Some of us were single. Most of us were employed. One of us even worked for Sony records. All of us were smitten.

In the midst of my second childhood of fan zeal, I left my Disney job. My husband and I moved to Colorado. My online friends stayed with me. We had created a sisterhood. I traveled to other states to meet up with them and together we attended concerts in various cities. It's hard for me to admit that I once drove alone from a concert with friends in St. Louis to a business meeting in Kansas City and then to join friends for another concert in Peoria. Pathetic...but incredibly fun, adventurous and basically harmless back then. I doubt I'd ever have "played Peoria" if it hadn't been for those groupie days.

About 20 of my Prodigy fan club pals gathered in Denver for a concert. We knew where the band was staying and the girls from out-of-state booked rooms there. To make it even more silly, I had made a friend, Jean, at my new workplace who liked this guy's music too. Another friend in PR thought our little fan club was hilarious. She contacted a reporter at the Rocky Mountain News and suddenly Jean and I were doing an interview about people who formed fan clubs online. The reporter found a life-size cardboard cut-out of the entertainer and brought it to us for a photo op. Needless to say, our picture was in the paper and it found its way to every wall in every office in our building. It was a great joke and yes, Jean and I laughed. We were good sports, although I admit I was a teeny bit embarrassed.

My husband took all this childishness very well. He thought it was funny. One of our coworkers made key rings for Jean and me with a photo of the guy with all the hair. Best of all, we spent the entire night before the Denver concert playing pool in the bar with members of the band, minus the star. The band guys got a big kick out of our being the old girl groupies from the newspaper.

By now, you have probably guessed that the object of our affection was Michael Bolton. Unfortunately, the story doesn't end with the key rings, giggles and playing pool with the band in a bar. Instead, it ended with a sour turn of events.

After the Denver gig, our bouyant girl group bought tickets to a big charity benefit featuring Michael Bolton and Kenny G at my former place of employment in Anaheim. We paid big bucks to sit at a table close to the stage. Truthfully, we didn't want or expect anything other than the enjoyment of applauding for our favorite singer. But tragically, one of the Prodigy girls lost her husband three weeks before the benefit concert. She lived on the East Coast. We were devastated by her sudden sorrow, her children left fatherless. She canceled her trip to Anaheim. Yet our online group of friends was united in support for her and we found a way to bring her out to California for the big event in spite of her loss.

Long story short, after the concert during which Kenny G played his saxophone to the girls at our table, we tried to contact our hero, Michael Bolton, to ask if he could simply say hello to our newly widowed friend on the phone - a kind of "Time, Love and Tenderness" gesture to support her in the grief process. I was the one who finally got him on the phone, with all my new Prodigy friends huddled around me. I told him about our friend and that we were "older gals" who didn't want to jump his bones, or even do a "meet and greet." I quickly and passionately shared with him about our online fan club (a big deal in 1993) and our friend's tragic loss. We knew he had his girlfriend there with him and didn't mean to bother them. I said, "All we want is for you to say a quick hello to her." I asked if I could put her on the phone for a moment.

The dork said no. I asked one more time, even more politely. Bolton said, "No, I'm gonna hang up now. Don't bother me again or I'll call Security." Of course I said - nicely - that I knew all the Security people at the hotel and they could vouch for these nice, harmless ladies. He said something really mean and hung up on me.

The dozen or so women in the suite were as stunned as I was. We shared our disappointment and some girls made excuses for his denial of our request. Eventually, we all went to brunch, as planned, and then we left before the late check-out time we'd been given by the hotel. We bid farewell to each other in the porte-cochere and then we all went back to our lives, abandoning the Prodigy group and never connecting again. It was like the end of a Disney fairy tale. Except this time the prince turned out to be the villain.

Two years later, my own husband died of a sudden heart attack. I found myself in the same situation that my Internet friend had been in when we were Bolton fans together. When a Bolton song came on the radio, it stung instead of soothed me. I always switched to another station.

When I found love again, I made sure we never listened to Michael Bolton songs. My new husband knew the Bolton fan story so when we did happen to hear "Soul Provider," usually in an elevator, he relished teasing me by saying, "Ohhhhhh Miiichaaael" in a weird, high-pitched voice that made me cringe.

Welcome back to "Dancing with the Stars." Michael Bolton crawled out of a dog house tonight. Watching his expression when Bruno gave him a "3" took me back to that hotel room many years ago when he refused to say hello to the widow. What causes celebs to make decisions like that, to ignore a harmless request from good fans and wreak such disappointment? It was as if that lame decision on his part came back to haunt him, to haunt me on tonight's show, thank you, Bruno.

Poetic justice? Maybe. Sad to say, but I'll be glad when he's voted off the show and back into the dog house.

We LOVE Silverado-Calabasas

2010-09-01T20:45:00.000-07:00

Please check out this wonderful video my team did for our beloved Calabasas community - residents, family members, professional partners and associates!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6f3rGWFR1FE

Big Boomer Battle

2010-08-22T12:14:00.001-07:00

Boomers today are facing a monumental sociological and psychological battle that promises to be more difficult than women's lib, rock 'n roll, free love, anti-war, birth control, dual incomes, recession and menopause. Welcome to the battle of caring for aging parents.

This new, still mostly silent war is being waged by millions of people every day. It's the challenge of dealing with elderly parents who want their lives to continue as they always have when in fact they can't handle it any more. The adversaries are well-meaning individuals who don't want to give up driving when they can't keep up with the speed limit, can no longer see the traffic lights and stop signs and become extremely agitated when they can't remember where their car is parked in the supermarket parking lot. They are demanding people who don't want to move out of a large home they love and have lived in for years but can no longer navigate, or conversely, who want to move to a smaller place that offers assistance and engagement activities, but their children want them to stay where they are. They are proud people with great dignity who have earned the respect of generations. They are the parents who raised all the Boomers, brave people who lived through the Great Depression, Prohibition, WWII, the Korean War, Vietnam, McCarthyism, and who fought the battles highlighted above, either with or against their children.

Brace yourselves, fellow Boomers. The battleground is already before us and the outcome promises not to be as sweet as Woodstock.

Have you heard that your parents will probably live longer than their parents did? You may be experiencing this extended longevity now, as I did for the past 10 years. I'd like to recommend staying in denial the way I did, until the crisis comes; but that's not very prudent. Instead, I'm inviting you to take some advice from those of us at the top of the Boomer chain who chose denial and then suffered serious and unpleasant consequences. Think about your parents' elder years now and craft a plan to deal with hazards that may confront you.

If you can't bear talking with Mom or Dad about their old age, then please chart a course through those years for yourself, through months of possible frailty and the inevitable final days. And while you do that, remember that you are not alone. According to the National Alliance for Caregiving, there are more than 19 million American adults serving as caregivers to their parents.

Siblings often name one of themselves a primary caregiver; but ironically when that caregiver makes a tough decision, the other siblings fight it. Make sure everyone in your immediate family is on the same page. Figure out what you will do when the crisis hits, whatever it might be - Alzheimer's, stroke, Parkinson's, blindness from macular degeneration, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD), diabetes, cancer, congestive heart failure (CHF), depression. Know what you're up against with a disease, as well as with the system.

Learn about Medicare, Medicaid, the VA, and other kinds of insurance and benefits. Use the Eldercare Locater at www.eldercare.gov or 800-677-1116 where you can find all kinds of local resources such as support groups and area offices on aging.

Maybe you'll be lucky because your parents have long term care insurance. Be sure you know what they have in their financial portfolio. Understand end-of-life options such as hospice and palliative care. Seek legal help to set up a trust if necessary, and to protect yourself and your family if something goes horribly wrong. If nothing happens and your parents are healthy to the end of their lives, consider yourself among the lucky few who got through the war unscathed.

Remember the tragic incident at the Farmer's Market in Santa Monica, California in 2003 when an 86 year-old man drove his mid-sized Buick through the crowd, killing nine people and injuring countless others? He said he couldn't stop the car. He'd had other minor accidents, but no one succeeded in taking his keys away from him.

How may Boomers and their families are suffering now because Mom had one too many minor car accidents or Dad totaled his car, along with an innocent bystander? That's the kind of horrendous thought that fuels denial when it should fuel courage and preparedness. It's not a right to drive; it's a privilege. When our mental and physical reflexes slow down, we need to stop operating a potentially deadly motor vehicle.

Get Mom or Dad to come clean and share with you their desires about how they want to be treated when and if they make it to the status of "frail elderly." Challenge their vision if necessary, or better yet, counter it with options. For instance, if they want to stay where they are living, ask if they would consider moving should it appear that lack of engagement with the outside world is hurting them or their safety is at risk. If they want to sell their home in order to downsize but you or others in your family don't want to lose a home that holds many wonderful memories, let them do so. The money from the sale will help to fund their care. When your parents die, you'll probably have to sell their home anyway, unless you can afford to keep it which is unlikely if you had to leverage its value in order to pay for outside caregivers. If you think it's best to bring a parent or two to live with you, make sure you consider the stress that will put upon your entire family. You need to be prepared to deal with taboo topics such as incontinence, medication management, hostile behaviors and who is in control.

Ultimately, you must make the right decision for your parents if they are no longer capable of making effective decisions themselves. It's not fun to be in that decision-making capacity. It's not even palatable. You must remember that you have highest and best interests in your heart and mind, that you are doing the right thing.

Consider all of your senior care options now in order to launch your plan when you need it. At least you will have a baseline, a defensive battle plan to pull out of your files if that dreadful time comes. It's likely it will come, and soon.

Perhaps more importantly, this current battle gives Boomers cause to think about what we want when we become the frail elders. How do we want our children, government and society to deal with us? Boomers have always been a powerful generation because of our size and scope. Let's use that power and the lessons we are learning from caring for our parents today to propel us to make important decisions about how we want to be treated when we reach our 70's, 80's, 90's, 100's. Let's foster sweeping decisions about health care and quality of life for seniors right now, before we find ourselves engaged in an apocalyptic battle with our own children and grandchildren.

You Call the Shots

2010-08-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel as if someone or something is shooting at me, not just paint pellets, water balloons or caustic remarks, but deadly energy. I'm not talking shotgun bullets, but it's as if I'm being hit hard with bad news, judgments, negative assessments, pain.

You know this - it's "the hits just keep on coming" - but they aren't popular songs. These hits are disappointments. A bad health diagnosis. Your portfolio plummeting. Loss of a job you love. A daughter engaged to someone you despise. Your mother in the hospital and needing round-the-clock care when discharged. Rear-ending someone who never should have stopped in the first place. Flashing lights behind you when you're on an important phone call but you don't have blue tooth. The vet telling you he can't do anything to save your beloved old dog. A friend telling you she doesn't need your help with a project after all. Doing your best with a presentation at work but somehow screwing up and letting people down. Submitting what you know is a great proposal to a client, and having it rejected.

When I reach a point where everything in life seems to be coming up dreadful, moldy fungus, I take a deep breath (or two or three) and remember that I am the one who must CHOOSE to seek out and smell the roses instead of succumbing to human nature negativity. No matter how benign and silly it sounds, the choice about how to respond to any situation is always mine, and mine alone. Everything else - what others say, do and what happened in the past that can't be changed - it's all secondary, no matter how much it scolds or hurts in the moment. I hold the keys to the outcome, as it affects MY life.

In times of crisis, you - or I - call the shots. For example, what someone else does to me is has no power compared to what I do in response. For example, I can grieve the loss of my dog. That loss can paralyze me. Or I can choose to get up in the morning and make something good happen even simply by going to work.

My dear friend, David Neenan, says, "A breakdown is an opportunity to see the truth." Guess what? John 8:32 says, "Ye shall know the truth and the truth will set you free." David's message is the same as the message in The Bible. To that, I say WOO HOO! We may think the truth is harsh...but sometimes harshness is the propelling motion we need to set us free. We call the shots.

If you're in a breakdown, feel its POWER. You are in a place where you can choose how to respond! You are the one who can call the shots.

Why not call a touchdown?!

My Vanna Dog

2010-07-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Although my family always had a dog, I never had one of my own until 1999 when Gary and I adopted a little yellow shepherd mix from a friend who had saved the dog from euthanization at the Boulder Humane Society. The vet told us she was between two and three years old. Her name was Hannah, which was totally unacceptable because my niece's name is Hannah. We didn't want to confuse the dog, so we changed her name to Vanna. She reminded us of Vanna White - pretty, blonde and with a beautiful smile. Seriously. When she was excited to see anyone come in the door, she would wag her tail, snort a few times and show her teeth, not in a growl, but in a charming, happy grin. It was her standard greeting for anyone she liked.

Vanna wasn't the brightest star in the canine galaxy, possibly because she had been abused as a puppy. We had to teach her to play. When I took her out for a first walk on the day after we brought her home, she refused to budge. I had to drag her out the front door then pull her all the way to the little "bark park" two blocks away from our house. It was a struggle.

When I removed the leash so she could run with the other dogs, she took off down the street like a bat outta hell. I screamed as I ran after her, but I couldn't keep up. Walking back towards our home - in the days before cell phones - I resolved to jump in the car and go drive around to try and find her. I hoped she hadn't run into the fields below our street where coyotes roamed. As I turned the corner onto Hedgeway Drive, I noticed something by the front door of my house. It was Vanna, curled up next to the door, panting like crazy. It was as if she was saying, "You can't make me leave my new home."

We didn't go on another walk for months. Vanna preferred the backyard. Gary was flabbergasted that she refused to go on a walk that day, or run freely with the dogs in the park. He called her "Dim Star." I added "Princess," so she became our "Princess Dim Star." And a precious princess she was.

When we moved to California in 2003, our new home had only a small patio. Vanna was used to a big backyard in Colorado. She had enjoyed a doggy door into the garage so she could keep warm in winter. She was not a house dog, although we did let her inside occasionally. I knew living in California would be different for Vanna because she would need to go for walks. What I didn't realize was that she would also become an indoor dog.....and my very best friend in the whole wide world.

During the years that I was a caregiver for Mom and Jack, Vanna was always by my side, to make me smile, to urge me to exercise by taking her for a walk, to be a silent and unconditionally loving companion. On nights when I couldn't sleep due to worry or sadness and didn't want to awaken Gary, I would crawl out of our bed, down onto the rug next to Vanna. We would snuggle for awhile, my head nuzzling the amazingly soft fur of her neck, until I felt a relaxing calm come over me. Vanna was a true healer in my life.

One of the reasons I wanted to work for Silverado Senior Living was that I could take Vanna to work with me every day. Rarely did I leave her at home. She entertained everyone who visited our office with her "smile" and her snorts. During the holidays, she even wore felt moose antlers, albeit with a pathetic look on her face!

The past six weeks, Vanna was suffering from a variety of maladies. She looked pretty good, but there were problems that were getting worse. Last weekend, I knew something was terribly wrong. When Gary and took her to the vet on Monday, we knew intuitively that we would not be bringing her home. Sadly, we were right.

My beautiful best friend, Vanna, has left the planet. Steve Winner sent me a wonderful poem, "The Rainbow Bridge," about losing a dog, that he said was "corny" but somehow helped him when he lost his own dog. It really helped me too. That poem and the silly, ever-upbeat attitude of our two year-old Corgi-mix, Bindi Sue, whose grief cycle is obviously shorter than mine. She sniffed around for a few hours then happily took over Vanna's bed. That made me laugh, because I knew it was what Vanna would have done were it Bindi who went first.

Princess Dim Star is now the BRIGHTEST Star in God's canine galaxy. Like my mom, Vanna will live forever in my heart.

Bucket List

2010-07-21T16:54:00.001-07:00

Bill Clinton ranked "Being alive to see my grandchildren" high on his "bucket list." That made me think how lucky I am to have two precious grandchildren when I never had any children of my own. I relish my role as "Granny Shanny" - or "Gray Shay" as my two-year old granddaughter, Kendall, calls me. I liked "Shay Shay" even more, but that was a month ago and her r's are way better now. Whatever, it's good to have grandchildren, Bill! We went to the lake last weekend and built sandcastles. It doesn't get any better than that.

I also started thinking about what's on my personal bucket list. Gary's having a "big" birthday next month and we're beginning to discuss stuff like where and how we want to live when we're 80. Contrary to our parents' way of thinking, we love the idea of living with a bunch of people our age and being waited on. We don't particularly like the thought of giving up driving, but that's a long way off at this point! I doubt I'd mind surrendering my car keys if bus service was good and had decent heat or air-conditioning. Most of the elderly folks I know are always cold, so I'm determined to be prepared for that.

My bucket list: Botox, all the latest I-stuff from Apple, visit Australia, take a cruise every year, write another book, keep working till I kick the bucket. After all, I did most of my bucket stuff when I was in my 20's, 30's, 40's - sailing around the Caribbean, scuba-diving and snorkeling, traveling to Europe and Africa, climbing mountains in Colorado, skiing at some of the world's best slopes, sampling the best food on the planet, living in Hawaii, swimming with dolphins, owning wonderful homes, working at Disneyland, meeting a gazillion celebrities. There's really not much left except to have fun with Gary and the grandchildren and stay healthy. Life is a bucket of cherries. I think I'll go buy some now...

Please Support Julia's Quest

2010-06-29T21:21:00.000-07:00

My friend, Julia (pictured here with our friend, Tom), is a Mary Kay consultant. We used to work together at Silverado and she left to pursue a different kind of career. Amazingly, she is literally within $100 of making her big $20K goal with Mary Kay; but she has to make that last $100 by tomorrow. She's a single mom with a teenaged son who has had some health issues this year, and she needs all the support she can get. I just ordered some products from her because, frankly, in addition to loving Julia, I like Mary Kay stuff. Their satin hands products are "da bomb!" I wouldn't have known that had Julia not sold me a little sample packet of them at a Mary Kay party last December. Now my hands and I can't live without the products! So if you want to help make a really positive difference in someone's life tonight, please cut and paste this link into your browser and order a little goody from my very deserving friend, Julia....THANKS!
www.marykay.com/juliasutton

Back to St. Matthew's Church

2010-06-10T16:27:00.000-07:00

I took an unexpected journey into my past today. My dear friend and associate, Marcelo, lost his dad Sunday. The funeral services were this morning at St. Matthew's Catholic Church in Long Beach.

When I heard the service and reception would be at St. Matthew's, a little chill went up the back of my neck and down my arms, a prickly feeling that caused hair to stand up as if reacting to an electrical spark. Why? Because I attended St. Matthew's Catholic School in Long Beach from kindergarten to third grade. Those were four of the most formative years of my life and the children, nuns, priests and lay teachers I met at St. Matthew's played a big part in who I am now.

When we pulled into the parking lot, only the church looked familiar to me. I thought about the school that had been there when I was a child and for some reason, the "education center" next to the church didn't look like what I remembered. The parking lot was familiar, though. I remembered running around it with my friends, Robert, Ernest and JJ, when it was a playground. My best friend was JJ Rush, whom I recall as a sprightly, freckle-faced, fearless little red-head with long pigtails that curled into ringlets. She hated the ringlets because she was very active and they got in her way.

"JJ" was a nickname for "Jerilyn Jean." My middle name was Jeanne, so we called each other "Jeannie." Mom tried to stop that because she didn't want me to be called "Jeannie" the rest of my life. My first lesson in what it meant to be a spoil sport.

JJ and I were inseparable; but our parents had nothing in common, so we seldom got together for play dates after school. In those days, nobody used the word "play date." We just went out to play when we got home. I remember JJ was jealous because I got to be the Virgin Mary in the Christmas play. Apparently someone told her the Virgin Mary didn't have red hair, so she wouldn't get the part. She ended up with a "bit part," probably an angel, which must have been a tough role for a little tomboy. In the 1950's it wasn't appropriate for a girl to be a shepherd.

As I entered St. Matthew's Church today, the first thing I noticed was how small it was. In my mind, it had been a huge church. When I visited St. Peter's Basilica in Rome years ago, it seemed to be only slightly larger than St. Matthew's where I had taken my first communion. Another great lesson in how perspectives change. I looked up at the altar and noticed it was way smaller than I remembered it on "First Communion Day" when I joined a silent parade of second graders in the center aisle. The girls were dressed in white dresses and veils and the boys in dark pants, white shirts and ties. There was a railing and a place to kneel for communion back then. Today the Catholics at the solemn funeral service took communion while standing.

Although my break with Catholicism happened long ago, I still felt connected to the mass, the symbolism, recitation and prayer as I sat in church today. I felt the presence of JJ, whom I never saw again after we moved to Newport Beach. Maybe that connection I felt was a new respect for the faith that resonated there. I am now at a place in my life where I respect and bless all faiths and their common threads - humility, gratitude, sacrifice, love, redemption. My time in church today was a powerful experience, made sweeter by the sharing of my friend, Marcelo, whose tears of loss helped me to shed a tear for him and his family, and for the gratitude I felt about my divine childhood experiences with JJ Rush, Mrs. Carmen Welch and Sister Jean Marie at St. Matthew's Catholic School in Long Beach.

Lindsey is Engaged!

2010-06-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

Ring the bells and set off the fireworks! Our sweet niece, Lindsey Louise Sumner, is engaged to Nels Mattson! Nels put a beautiful bling-bling-ring on her finger this past Sunday - same day as her great-grandmother's birthday. My mom's mother, Alta Louise MacNair, always said May 30th was a supremely lucky day. Guess she was right!!

Lindsey and Nels are planning a late summer/early fall 2011 wedding, so they have plenty of time to plan. Lindsey will enjoy the planning process immensely, and so will her mom, Nancy, and mom-in-law-to-be, Kim (pictured here with the happy couple). Oh, and me too - and the other "aunties" - Meg, Margo and Susan!

Gary and I are truly delighted by this good news because we love Nels and his family! As my friend, Julia, says, "BLESSINGS BE!"

News from the Assisted Living Front...

2010-05-26T11:17:00.001-07:00

I'm in Phoenix for the Assisted Living Federation of America (ALFA) 2010 conference. I spoke yesterday at a session about social media, with brilliant Dan Hobin of G5 Search Marketing. If you're looking for a great company to help you with SEO, call G5! Anyway, Dan and I had an SRO crowd that included my SVP boss, our CEO and the SVP of Silverado At Home. I had to pretend they weren't there in order to go with the flow of my presentation. Once again, I felt very grateful to the best presentation skills coach in the whole wide world, Pam Chambers of Honolulu, for teaching me how to do that! Dan and I received excellent feedback and I've met all kinds of people here at the conference as a result.

One of the most interesting people I've met in the past week is a keynote speaker at TWO events. Her name is Maddy Dychtwald and she's the author of an amazing new book titled, "Influence: How Women's Soaring Economic Power will Transform our World for the Better." Maddy is also the co-founder with her husband, Ken, of Age Wave. I read Ken's book, "Age Wave," in the 80's and it changed my life. Somehow, even back then, I knew I wanted to seek a career that related to aging Boomers. Ken was a keynote speaker at the WomanSage conference last fall, and I remember that he enthusiastically promoted his wife's upcoming book.

This past Saturday, Maddy spoke at the WomanSage Family Matters Luncheon in Anaheim. I had the pleasure of having breakfast with her along with a small group of powerful OC women. We learned how she became involved in a landmark demographic study of women that prompted her to write the new book. She was a trooper to do the breakfast before speaking to the 225 women at the luncheon. Her message was captivating.

To my delight, Maddy was also the first keynote speaker at the ALFA conference. My associate, Marcelo, and I sat in the front row to cheer her on. Before her talk, I went backstage to tell her Marcelo and I would be front and center rooting for her! This was a much larger crowd than at WomanSage - about 1200. And this time, instead of focusing on women, Maddy focused on all aging Boomers and the associated trends that affect everyone working in the field of assisted living.

My takeaway from both talks has to do with what Maddy calls "the longevity bonus" that we humans have gotten in the past 100 years. The average lifespan in the US went from something like 47 years to 78 years (don't have my book here next to me) in the 20th century. She pointed out that most of us aren't going to want to live the old "linear life" of going from babies to education to work and family to leisure to death any more. Who wants to just add 30 years to old age? She said we're going to mix it up - maybe go from education to leisure to work and family to leisure to more education to more work - you get the drift. I loved it - that life span can be more cyclical. That's kind of what I did so far, without knowing it. I went from education to work to leisure to leisure and work (Hawaii) to work to work with family (caregiving for parents) to work....and I'm planning to keep working for many more years before I hit leisure again.

Another thing Maddy did here at ALFA was profile Boomers in general. One of the most interesting things she says is that Boomers are more giving than some other generations. They like to volunteer and give back. That hit a harmonic chord with my current job with Silverado where I feel my work truly matters. Great food for thought for the new book I'm working on now, "The Heart Way Back." So I will definitely stay in touch with Maddy. And I hope you will get her book and see what it might mean for you, too!

Sometimes a Great Party...

2010-05-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

...is what you need to pick yourself up and beat the blues. So on Monday night, Gary and I went to a Hollywood movie premiere. We went with our friends, Gaye and Rick, to "The Prince of Persia" premiere at the Chinese Theater. We walked the red carpet with Jake Gyllenhall and Sir Ben Kingsley. The event was a benefit for American Film Institute which also chose to salute the movie's producer, Jerry Bruckheimer, whose hand and footprints were immortalized in cement outdoors in the theater's famous courtyard. Many stars of Bruckheimer movies were on hand to pay tribute. They lined up in front of the big screen before the movie started. We were near the front. It was fun to see Eddie Murphy, Jon Voight, Tom Cruise, Billy Bob Thornton, Judge Reinhold and so many others. By far the most interesting to me was Kelly McGillis of "Top Gun" fame, who looked older than I do and made me feel downright sexy in my "business attire." Best part of the whole evening was the party after the movie, held on the top floor of the Kodak Theater complex where they also do the Academy Awards Governors Ball. I was delighted to chat up Phil Keoghan, host of my very favorite reality series, "The Amazing Race." Phil is from New Zealand, but he lived in Antigua in the West Indies for several of his childhood years and we had a nice conversation about living in the Caribbean. I summoned up the nerve to go and talk with Phil because my dear friend, Kathy J, was not able to join me for this fabulous event, and she would have loved to have met him. She's the one who got me so addicted to "The Amazing Race." I got out my camera and Gary took a picture of me and Phil. Pretty great, in my silly little book of peak experiences! My other friend named Phill was also at the event, so I snapped a photo of him with Sir Ben Kingsley. Phill was checking out the girls, too, and happened to spot the beautiful Gemma Arderton, who plays Princess Tahmina in the movie. That's why there are two pictures of him here. The food was fantastic, the people-watching grand, the wine excellent and Gary and I got home around 2 AM. That doesn't happen often; but in this case, it was totally worth it. No blues here this week!

Not So Sweet Surrender

2010-04-30T08:16:00.000-07:00

OK, I admit it...I'm a control freak. I like to say that I'm a "recovering control freak," but hey, this control thing really is worthy of a twelve-step program. Maybe someone has already invented that, but I didn't find out about it in time to avoid my latest control freak drama.

Ten days ago, I was packing for a two-night business trip to Scottsdale. In my mind, as I packed, I was also thinking about what I was going to pack for this week's five-day business trip to Houston and Dallas. When I returned from Arizona Friday, I was planning to spend half the day at the office and then have a relaxing weekend at home with Gary before taking off on the road again. Then Gary dropped the bombshell that he had been invited to attend a 10-day series of National Association of Home Builders' classes on "Green Build," in order to become an instructor himself. That sounded great until he told me that he would be "leaving for Orlando at 7 AM on Saturday." My heart started to race and I felt a wave of nausea.

"What about the pets?" I asked. "Get a pet-sitter," he responded.

"How will I get to the airport on Monday?" I screeched. "Find someone to give you a ride or take a cab," he said calmly.

"What's this trip to the East going to cost you?" I squealed. "Nothing except for the plane ticket and some meals," he said even more calmly.

"What about all your other work projects?" I said, voice now cracking. "It will be fine, Shannon. I have everything handled."

As I started to cry, I wondered why I couldn't comfort myself with those same words, "It will be fine, Shannon. I have everything handled." The answer came to me mid-sob. I'm not in control here. This trip he's taking was not part of my plan. "I have to be flexible, but I'm feeling stiff as a board," I thought. My heart ached. Tears poured out. I collapsed into a huddle on the edge of the bed, slumping next to my open carry-on suitcase. "I don't want you to go now!" I said repeatedly between sobs.

Gary sat down next to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said, " Look, Shan, it's going to be ok," trying to comfort me with his enthusiasm for what this trip would mean for us in the "big picture." I was having too hard a time with the stressful "little picture" to break into the big one. Eventually I fell asleep with a clump of tear-soaked tissues clasped tightly in my hand.

I woke up at 2:35 am, with that woeful feeling that something was wrong. My eyes were practically glued shut with salty tear residue and I could feel their painful puffiness. Gary was sound asleep. I thought about what was happening. The word that suddenly popped into my mind was "surrender." This word always floats into my consciousness when I am in a massive control melt-down. I'm beginning to think it's a recurring theme in my life. But there in the darkness, I laid on my back and took a few deep breaths, which I knew were the first steps on my journey to the big picture Gary had been talking about earlier that night.

I realized that what I wanted in the little picture was downright silly compared with what Gary was seeking in the big one. So I started doing what I always do: Plan. I began thinking about what I could do that day to get to that gentle place of acceptance of Gary's trip. I could find a pet-sitter. I could arrange my airport transportation. I could take Gary to the airport at 4:30 AM on Saturday, then go home and go back to bed. I could still have a relaxing weekend with the pets. And in the middle of all that mind-planning, the "I" became "We." Because when Gary came home from his classes on the East coast, WE would most likely be looking at a much brighter future.

Today I sit in Dallas after a splendid, productive and rewarding work week. Gary has been enjoying his classes in Orlando. We have been talking and texting at least once a day about our experiences. It's the longest time we've been apart since we were married in 1999. Our house-sitter has been texting me with photos of the pets. She has also taken care of a cable TV problem and all we had to do was approve her to deal with it. We are both feeling great, and our future is looking really bright for the first time in several years.

Sometimes, in my experience, surrender does not feel sweet. It certainly doesn't feel good for a "recovering control freak" like me. Yet most of the time, when I do surrender to faith in face of the unknown and to my belief that LOVE is greater than fear, I find the divine safety net that's been there all the time. That not-so-sweet surrender is part of recovery from the need to control. Surrender ultimately brings me the peace of mind that makes everything worthwhile.

HARO

2010-04-15T12:25:00.001-07:00

I am a big fan of HARO - "Help a Reporter" - founded by the amazing Peter Shankman. They are celebrating their second year today! Hooray for HARO!

Get sourced, get quoted, get famous: http://helpareporter.com

Easter Joy

2010-04-13T14:59:00.000-07:00

This was my first Easter without my mom. There were years when I lived out of state, but when I wasn't flying home for a family Easter celebration in the desert, I was talking on the phone with Mom about what we were going to wear to church or brunch or about grandchildren, coloring eggs and who would find the prize golden egg. We also talked about the importance of the Easter message - sacrifice, hope, resilience, resurrection. And we always enjoyed our Easter egg malted milk balls and if we were lucky, a chocolate fudge egg from See's Candies.

Getting ready for church on Easter morning, I had to shed a few tears in the shower, grieving that sweet Mom and Jack, my beloved stepdad, were not here to enjoy the celebration with me and our family. Suddenly, mid-sob, the sun peaked through the window above the shower and I just knew it was a sign. Mom was encouraging me to get out there and have a good day with the family. It was going to be a great day and I should focus on being "Granny Shanny." So that's what I did. And it worked because we had a fabulous day in our backyard with kids and dogs running around and lots of adults sipping punch or Mimosas. Even the earthquake didn't dampen our spirits, although it was cause for the iPhones and "crackberries" to come out of purses and pockets as we sought information about the epicenter. We said a little prayer for the safety of those in the hardest-hit area.

This was a simpler Easter than in years past. It felt more blessed, too. We are grateful for the family and friends who surround us with love, for our work that allows us to play on a special Easter Sunday. I still smile thinking about "Papa and Kendall" pictured here in matching outfits. Actually our granddaughter, Kendall, matched her mommy, daddy and brother and we took photos of them under a tree in the backyard prior to the egg hunt. I topped off the celebration with a handful of colorful Easter egg Whoppers - yum!

Life is good, and somewhere my mom is smiling knowing that she still made a positive difference in my Easter experience.

Silverado Beverly Place

2010-03-26T17:29:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited to share the news that Silverado Senior Living-Beverly Place opened its doors this morning and began welcoming new residents! When I first started at Silverado two years ago next week, the company had just purchased the Shalom Hotel in LA's Fairfax District just a block away from CBS Television City. Sadly, it was a total dump. When I toured, I wondered how we would "Silveradoize" the old building. Wow, am I thrilled to share that the community is absolutely gorgeous! And one of the very best things about Silverado-Beverly Place is the amazing team of associates who are leading the community, with my good friend, Phill Barklow, as Administrator. You see, when Mom and Jack moved into the Inn at the Park several years ago, Phill was the Executive Director. He had a wonderful staff of professionals. Unfortunately, the community was purchased by a huge company and Phill chose to leave. Fortunately, I was able to reach him before he took another job and introduce him to Silverado. Now that Mom and Jack have left the planet, I feel really good that Phill, Chalio, Tahmina and others are all part of Silverado and I get to work with them often. It's made the Beverly Place project very near and dear to my heart.

Keiki's 2nd Birthday

2010-03-24T16:32:00.000-07:00

Our little granddaughter, Kendall, or "Keiki" as she is nicknamed, turned two earlier this month. She had the big bounce house in the backyard that was more for the older kids, like her brother, Keegan. You can see her trepidation in the photo above as she lingered on the step before venturing inside with the bigger bouncers.

Gone are the days of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for kids and parents alike at toddler birthdays. We were treated to a magnificent array of Vietnamese food courtesy of Kendall's parents' new fave restaurant, "Photastic Soup & Sandwiches." Wow. Good stuff! The owner/chef is Vietnamese/French. VERY creative. Gary and I were privileged to sample some suggested dishes the week before the party. On the way to the birthday celebration, my mouth started watering about a mile from the kids' home.

One of the party highlights was Kendall's Dora the Explorer birthday cake. Happily, she got the actual Dora face on her piece, but almost had to fight off a couple of other guests under age five for that treasure. Glad I didn't have to fight them for my spring roll.

Women and their friends, breaking boundaries

2010-03-22T09:53:00.001-07:00

Women and their friends, breaking boundaries

Posted using ShareThis

Being Nemo

2010-03-17T21:40:00.000-07:00

I'm in Chicago this week attending the American Society on Aging/National Council on Aging Annual Conference along with 3,999 other people. It's a zoo. And I have the prestigious honor of being a speaker here, along with about 1,299 other speakers. Who knew there would be topics like "Intensive Case Management for Russian-Speaking Elders with Mental Illness: A Collaborative Approach," "The Mapplethorpe-Haring Model of Depression Treatment for Older Adults with HIV" or "Believe and Anything is Possible: All You Need is Web Programming and Bubbles?" No shortage of variety here. I've enjoyed meeting new people and hanging out with old friends, too.

ASA has new leadership and it's nice to see many young people attending a conference about aging. Jane is a thirty-something Gerontology professor at University of Northern Colorado who is pitching her program at a trade show booth. She's a smart cookie, getting in on the ground floor of senior care as 78 million Boomers morph into senior citizens. My favorite speaker so far is author Sara Lawrence-Lightfoot, MacArthur Prize-winning sociologist and Harvard professor. She read most of her speech, but spoke passionately and eloquently about developing "a compelling vision of later life, one that does not assume a trajectory of decline after 50 but recognizes this as a time of potential change, growth and new learning, a time when our courage gives us hope." I bought a copy of her book, "The Third Chapter: Passion, Risk and Adventure in the 25 Years After 50." I feel quite thrilled and special to have been one of her peers as a speaker here, along with those 1,298 others. Nothing wrong with being a small fish in a big pond. After all, I'm one of those 78 million Boomers. I just think of myself as Nemo.

My Lucky Charm

2010-03-10T12:17:00.000-08:00

Last night I attended the monthly WomanSage Salon. The topic was "De-Clutter Your Life," which I found very attractive because my life is incredibly cluttered right now. My environments - external and internal - are overflowing with stuff, from dishes and paper to worry and stress.

The speaker, Penny Lambright of Clutter Cleaners, was brilliant - attractive, funny, caring, prepared - and her talk was filled with excellent tips. She gave us great handouts too. When I arrived at the salon, someone told me I looked frazzled. I told her I was indeed frazzled. As Penny talked, I gradually became unfrazzled - and it wasn't just the wine. It was the camaraderie of the women in attendance, the information sharing, the good mood.

My own mood lifted even more when my friend, Karen, bought raffle tickets for a round-trip ticket to fly anywhere in the Southwest Airlines system and then gave the tickets to me! She said she couldn't use a plane ticket but wanted me to have the raffle tickets as a gift.

Karen, affectionately known as "KK," is my "lucky charm" because she is the person who encouraged me to finish my book. She's a well-known author of books about caregiving for senior loved ones. I've written about her before in this blog. She is also the person who taught me to play penny slot machines when I go to casinos. She told me how to bet. I began following her instructions during my birthday trip to Pechanga in 2008. I have to admit that I've had very good luck since then.

When KK rubbed her hands on the five raffle tickets and handed them to me, I had a feeling we were going to win. And when the emcee called out "213," sure enough, it was one of the tickets in my hand. My lucky charm had come through again. Thank you, Karen!

Today the world looks brighter than it did yesterday afternoon. It's been a little over two months since Mom and Arline died. Gary and I are coming to grips with our grief. Gary's CAPS (Certified Aging in Place Specialist) consulting business is coming together to augment his construction work (which has been hit hard by the economic downturn). Mom's dog, Bailey, is happy at Silverado Senior Living-Newport Mesa and the dogs and cats in our home are much more relaxed. WomanSage is implementing a powerful new business plan and bringing on more Board members to help with the philanthropic work we do. The new Silverado web site (www.silveradosenior.com) is getting lots of hits. And now I have an airline ticket to play with - maybe to bring my niece, Lindsey, down from Seattle for a visit, or go visit her.

Life is always good - but it does help to have girlfriends when things get a bit out of control, especially one who is a lucky charm!

New Silverado Pet

2010-02-26T14:32:00.001-08:00

Well, here's our little Bailey - now an official Silverado pet! He went to live at the Silverado Senior Living - Newport-Mesa community last week and everyone LOVES him. Somehow I just know that Mom and Jack are very happy that their puppy is being well cared-for and is going to enjoy spending the rest of his life with seniors, which is what he's been accustomed to since he was 12 weeks old. This is a photo of him with his new "mom," Liana, Silverado Administrator. Bailey joins another little white dog named Woofie, who came from a rescue organization, and a sweet big greyhound, plus cats, birds and lots of wonderful people. Gary's six weeks of putting Bailey through a training and diet program had good results - he's down to 15.5 lbs and no longer has "accidents." We feel so GOOD!

Win a Book at SheKnows.com

2010-02-16T09:29:00.000-08:00

Click on this link to go to a wonderful site called SheKnows.com - and there is a contest to win one of my books! Have a lovely day!

http://www.sheknows.com/articles/contests-and-freebies/813257

Bailey Needs a New Loving Home

2010-02-10T17:06:00.000-08:00

Little Bailey dog needs a new home. We cannot keep him because it's been way too much to care for the little poodle in addition to our own two dogs and two cats. Thankfully, Gary has trained him well this past month. Bailey is housebroken and enjoys time in his crate. He no longer barks except when someone walks by the front of the house, which is ok because he's just being a watch dog. He's still portly, but with exercise, low fat food and very few treats, he's losing weight. He walks well and still loves to rest in a warm lap whenever possible.

I'm hoping that one of our Silverado communities might be able to take Bailey. If not, we will seek an older person or couple to treat him the way my mom and dad always did - as their baby! It breaks my heart to part with him....but it's the right thing to do. That being said, I will not release him to "just anybody" or to the humane society or a poodle rescue group. I know the right person will come along soon.

Please hold a good thought for Bailey!

My Uncle Cy...

2010-02-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Throughout my life, there has always been one man I could depend on to be strong, supportive, intelligent, wise, loving and fun. No, he wasn’t my father or my stepdad, Jack. He is my mom’s “little bubba,” pictured with her above, my remarkable “Uncle Cy,” also known as “Dick MacNair.” In my experience, no one could ever match his talent for listening. He asked questions and listened to my answers. He always had empathy. And he and his wife, my late dear Aunt Carla, were the people who kept our extended family together. They kept in touch with all of the cousins and organized family reunions to be sure we stayed connected.

Today my amazing uncle is “winding down” at the Board and Care where he resides, and is on hospice after a massive stroke last week that took away his ability to talk. He may have only hours to live. This is particularly hard for me because of losing Mom less than a month ago, but it’s hard for everyone in our family because he has been our "glue."

I think perhaps the best tribute to Uncle Cy will be for all of his beloved children, nieces, nephews, grandchildren and great-grandchildren to commit to carry on with the reunions and other opportunities to gather our family together, even if we hardly know one another now. I’ve loved spending time with my cousins in recent years, even though it’s mostly been at sad occasions like funerals. We had a great summer party two years ago. Uncle Cy would want us to do that again!

I know my mom, stepdad, grandmother and Uncle Cy’s beautiful Carla are going to be right there to greet him when he “crosses over,” probably with drinks in hand! They loved their cocktails. Tonight I’m going to sit by myself and enjoy the thought of them toasting each other and the fulfilling lives they enjoyed so much and I’m going to focus on my gratitude to be part of such a brilliant family.

Cruising through Grief

2010-02-03T17:49:00.000-08:00

Spent a week at sea on the "WomanSage Cares" Cruise for Caregivers. I thought it would be restful, but it was extremely busy, a bit stressful, and now I need a think I need a vacation. Unfortunately, no vacation is in sight, so I'm back in the office.

Nothing - I mean NOTHING - prepared me for the loss of my mom. I miss her every day. It's similar to how I felt after losing my first husband. Mom had been on Silverado Hospice for almost a year, so we definitely had time to get used to the idea of her passing. The "idea" and the "real thing" are quite different. There were days when I was so OVER being a family caregiver that I actually hoped the end would come sooner rather than later. I eat those words every day since Mom died. I miss her that much! And I'm proud to say it. She was a sensational human being, even when she was being difficult.

Gary is very understanding and patient with my grief. He continues to take good care of Mom's dog, Bailey, who might just be a "pygmy sheep." I had to post this photo of him. He weighed 17.2 pounds when we took him to the vet after Gary retrieved him from Mom's apartment. He should weigh 7 pounds. The vet told us we needed to put him on a diet, but that he should only lose a half pound a month. Then he took Bailey to a back room and cleaned out his "poopy glands," as I call them. Whoa! We put the dog back on the scale on our way out and he was down to 16.5 pounds. Gary whooped, "All right, Bailey - there's your weight loss for January!" It made me laugh. I'm still laughing and Bailey is still losing a little weight every week. He can walk now without falling on his tummy because his legs are getting stronger and his girth smaller. Plus he's doing much better in the housebreaking department. Gary is crate training him and Bailey has had only had two "accidents" in almost a month. Gary's relationship with Bailey brightens my spirits. I love watching them walk around the backyard together - big guy and little dog - very funny. I'm happy Bailey is doing so well and I think Mom must be happy about that too.

The past couple of nights are the first ones I've slept through in weeks. Even the gentle rocking of the ship which usually puts me right to sleep didn't do the trick on the cruise. The best day was spent in Ensenada with our friends, Linda, Bob, Kym and Greg. I'm not allowed to post any photos of that day, but the copious laughter did help me sleep pretty well that night!

Even a Sunset

2010-01-16T17:41:00.000-08:00

OK, I must admit that two major "transitions" in one day is flattening. Losing my mom and Gary's sister, Arline, on the same day (1/7) sent us both into instant shock. More than a week later, we are still a nasty mess. When we speak, we make sense only about 60% of the time. Our words, especially those expressing ideas, thoughts, desires, even commands, often come out as gibberish. Example: Yesterday at Starbucks I wanted to order my usual venti decaf Americano with sugar free hazelnut. I ordered a grande sugar free hazelnut latte. I buzzed for hours because of the caffeine - but none of my buzz made much sense. Thank GOD I have associates who check my work!

As I write this, Gary is watching an NFL playoff game, but he looks and acts like a zombie. He can't tell me who is playing except to say, "old Colts and new Colts," and "it's three to three." He says he has a headache and isn't interested in eating dinner. I know he will be interested in chocolate.

Grief sucks. Even a beautiful sunset at the beach, like the one pictured here, doesn't merit a smile and the awe it richly deserves. We kind of gaze at what's in front of us - TV or computer screen - or we stare at each other hoping the other person will start a conversation. Gary coughs and I type or turn pages of a magazine. Mom's dog, Bailey, the pygmy sheep, cries incessantly at the screen door, as if to be sure we know he has lost his best friend, too.

We try to stay busy and pass the time with chores. Laundry does wonders in that department. Unfortunately, Gary, in his laundry zeal, today washed his new Tommy Bahama black silk shirt, a Christmas gift from our children, in a cold-water wash with a bunch of my white stuff, and everything self-destructed. His shirt is three sizes smaller and my white blouses and undies are gun metal gray. Thank God we have our senses of humor to combat the compulsion to bark at each other or worse, sink into those deep sobs that resonate grief.

The Indianapolis Colts are way ahead at this moment. I'm feeling glad that football is something Gary and I both enjoy, something we can count on to mitigate the pain of profound loss. I know we have to grieve and get through this bad time; but I also know we need brightness of the future. We love the Arizona Cardinals and Kurt Warner; but we're ok with the New Orleans Saints dominating today, knowing the tragedy and pain the New Orleans fans went through only a few years ago. These football games seemed a good counter-balance to all the horrors of Haiti on the air 24/7 right now...and the pain Gary and I feel about the loss of our loved ones.

There will be many more gorgeous sunsets in my life when I won't be devastated by grief. And like every day on this planet, those sunsets will be beautiful......

Pretty Woman

2010-01-12T17:02:00.001-08:00

It's still too hard for me to write much about my mom, Marianne Garner, who left the planet last Thursday, so I'm just posting some fun photos of her...

A Rose Today...

2010-01-07T19:46:00.000-08:00

My mom always loved the saying, "I'd rather have one rose today than all the flowers when I'm gone." She learned it from her dear friend, Delia McHugh, who was our nanny in the 50's. I learned this phrase meant that someone would rather be with a family member or friend today than with lots of people at their memorial service.

My beautiful, funny, sweet, crazy mom, Marianne Garner, passed away this morning at one o'clock, in the presence of her "Silverado Hospice angels." I was fortunate to have spent a few hours with her late yesterday afternoon, going through the pictures I had saved from the boxes I mentioned in my blog posting last night. Mom was in some distress then, breathing oxygen from a tube attached to a noisy machine, and having some trouble swallowing the soup the staff had brought in for lunch. When I arrived, she was sitting on the side of her bed enjoying a conversation with her beloved Hospice volunteer and "dear friend," Patty. The three of us looked at some pictures and Patty asked to take a yellowed black and white photo of Mom when she was a chubby child to scan and enlarge. Mom and I were delighted that Patty wanted to do that.

After Patty left, Mom asked if she could have a glass of wine. I poured each of us two sips in plastic cups and we toasted to Mom's wonderful past. "I have had a wonderful life," she declared, clutching a photo of her and Jack at the captain's table on a cruise ship and extending her plastic up out to touch mine. "Yes, you have," I agreed.

Mom picked up a tiny, wallet-sized photo of her taken when she was probably 34, holding my little brother, John, in her lap. It must have been snapped by a professional photographer because the quality was excellent. Mom wore a simple black dress and John was in yellow "footy jammies." I'm guessing John was about two, although he looked older because he was such a big boy. They were both smiling in a giddy, silly way, as if they were sharing a goofy secret. Looking at the picture, Mom said, "Johnny was such a joy." I was quiet. "I love you and your brother so much," she said. "I know," was all I could say.

My mom died in the middle of last night, apparently with that picture of her and little John nearby, and surrounded by other photos she'd been viewing. I have to believe that my "Playing God" with historical photos last weekend was a good thing. I honor my caring sister, Meg, for insisting that I go through those boxes of pictures on New Year's Day - a task I dreaded - and then share some with Mom. What a wonderful gift those pictures were for her during the last precious days and hours of her life.

Something I remember from my last conversation with my mother was her question, "When exactly did Jack die?" I told her that my dear stepdad, Jack, had passed January 25th of last year. "Oh, I knew it was January," she said. And then five minutes later, she asked me the same question again, and I gave the same answer. This time she wistfully added, "I miss Jack so much." And I responded, "He misses you too, Mom; and someday you'll be together again."

Did I know she was destined to leave the planet after I left her last night? No. Am I grateful that I was with her just prior to her departure? Yes. Mom had her sought-after "one rose today." And thankfully, so did I.

God bless and keep you, Mom...I love you.

Playing God

2010-01-06T21:05:00.000-08:00

Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be God? What it would feel like to change or judge the quality of people’s lives with a wave, a wink, a smile, a comment, a fingertip on a keyboard or perhaps the flick of a photo into a garbage bag?

This past weekend of the New Year, I did the latter. I calmly combed through dozens of boxes of photos and family memorabilia, and decided what to keep and what to throw away. It felt like playing God. Photos of relatives or people who looked like relatives were safe. Pictures taken with instamatic cameras on what must have been cherished vacations to faraway lands – photos of meadows, churches, ruins, seascapes and green fields – I tossed into the trash. These were mostly my parents’ photographs, pictures representing their beloved memories and important moments, their travels and sweet, often silly times at celebrations of family and friends. I laughed incessantly as I poured through them; and I cried too.

In these boxes I discovered the photo albums of my “real dad," John Sumner, and his sister, Mildred. I found a 1911 letter from my mom’s “real dad," Ray Hanners, to her mother, Alta White. These gems were revealing and liberating. I felt as if history had opened up a treasure chest for me to find the jewels of my own family history – and suddenly the people I had previously known nothing about, or had judged harshly based on hearsay, were very real and vulnerable. These characters from my past were amazingly present in photographs and the written word.

In the midst of my joy of discovery, I realized that I had to decide if I would keep their photos in a storage box, or cast them to garbage or recycling in a moment of minimalist victory. I heard voices in my head saying, "We can’t keep dozens of photo boxes in storage. There’s no room in the garage, attic or storage unit."

I must have viewed a thousand pictures of countryside scenic’s my stepdad, Jack, had taken in England, Ireland, Italy, France, Germany, Austria and Switzerland. I saved some of the photos that included him, Mom or their beloved driver, Remo Bartolini. Remo drove them around Europe more than once. These photos were important to Mom and Jack…and hard for me to cast into the trash pile. But cast them I did…so ensuring there is room for the same kinds of photos we’ve taken and love to look at now, that our children will ultimately cast into what we hope will be “green” dumpsters.

Maybe the hardest part of this cathartic experience was turning the decomposing pages of photo albums deftly crafted by my grandmothers, aunts, cousins and uncles from 1920 to 1950. Fuzzy black pages of these albums disintegrated into dust in my lap as I turned them; but the little black and white photos stayed solid. Sadly, I didn’t know who the people were in the photos because the printing evaporated on the album pages. I was left with relatives and their friends unnamed, unaccounted for, yet honored. I may not ever know who they were, but I know each of them was “somebody” in my life, just like the friends I have today.

Heavy topic? Yes. "Playing God" is always a heavy topic. Have you thought about what will happen to the photos you love, or your family members love, be they in a box somewhere, in files on your computer or in someone else’s care? Where are the pictures of your past right now? Tonight I can honestly say I have a better idea about my family history – and about me – thanks to the pictures saved by my family, and I care about the people who colored them.

The pictures Gary and I have taken of scenery may ultimately wind up in a trash can because they're not works of art like those of my friend, Margaret. That’s ok because we snapped them in the moment for our own enjoyment, and maybe for the smiles of a few friends. On the other hand, our people photos will probably live for many years, as long as someone cares who is in them. It’s the same for anyone reading this blog – your photos will be judged by future generations, and either saved or discarded. God would tell us to keep snapping photos.

“Playing God” with the family photos sent me screaming to the shower. I hated it because I didn’t want to accept responsibility for my family’s visual record. I did it anyway. I tossed a gazillion photos and saved the ones I thought might matter. You may get to do the same thing. Good luck.

2009 Ingram Holiday Letter

2009-12-30T16:06:00.000-08:00

Greetings!

Only two more days till the end of this “learning year” – which is my second in a row. In case you don’t know, “learning” is another word for “yucky.” I’d say 2009 has been a learning year for a few other people too – Governor Mark Sanford and his soon-to-be-ex-wife, Dave Letterman, Tiger and Elin Woods. Oh it hasn’t been all bad, especially when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, sex with someone outside of your primary relationship can lead to a serious learning year. Thankfully that hasn’t been my problem!

My learning lessons in 2009 have been more in-your-face financial and family stuff – leaving our beloved home in Costa Mesa for a rental in Mission Viejo last January, watching our savings erode because my parents ran out of money to pay for their senior care needs, losing my precious stepdad, watching Mom decline into the indignity and despair of old age and feeling powerless to help her, and finding myself in the fray of my brother’s bipolar outbursts, which is like being thrown up against a brick wall of hate. Yes, I’ve felt battered by these experiences; and no, they haven’t kept me down for long. I think of them as part of “living deeply.” People living deeply have no fear of death….Anais Nin.

Every wonderful, newsy letter I’ve received from dear friends this holiday season reminds me that I’ve had those wonderful, newsworthy years in the past and will indeed have them again. As I write this, I’m enjoying the irony of Tony Bennett singing, “Smile though your heart is aching...smile even though it’s breaking,” coming from AOL radio here at my desk. I smile a lot every day, which drives Gary crazy. He chipped a front tooth this year and hasn’t been to the dentist yet to get it fixed, so he just stopped smiling for a few months. The good news is he has grown a beard and with that he feels comfortable showing an occasional closed-mouth smile, especially when the grandchildren are with us.

Back to the wonderful, newsy stuff...I went to New England in the fall with my dear friend, Kathy J. We had a blast. And coming as it did in a painful learning year, this trip was like a sweet dream...Gary and I went to sea for the five-day WomanSage cruise and also enjoyed some fun visits to Pechanga Casino Resort and Spa in Temecula where I learned that penny slots are the only way to go. Maybe all the old people that go to casinos knew something I didn’t – that it’s fun to see those pennies mounting up. And then you leave...Our niece, Lindsey, graduated from University of Washington and we were there to celebrate with her...I reconnected with dear friends, Barbara and Susan, in Scottsdale earlier this month...We welcomed Oscar, our crazy Snowshoe cat, into the family in June. He instantly became the best friend of Bindi Sue, our Corgi-Australian Cattle Dog mix. They entertain us day and night with their antics, some of which I’ve chronicled in the blog, especially how they sleep together in the cat’s bed. At least theirs is not a relationship based on text messages.

“...Smile, and maybe tomorrow, you’ll see the sun come shining through...” sounds like a plan at the end of this learning year, Tony! That will be my champagne toast on New Year’s Eve at the Garner Ranch with Gary and my sister and her family - Meg, Ted and Hannah - as we look forward to sunshine and smiles in 2010. Wishing you a very Happy New Year!

A Not-So-Silent Night

2009-12-23T21:11:00.000-08:00

We had the pleasure of attending grandson Keegan's Christmas program at King of Kings Lutheran Church in Garden Grove tonight. This has become a new highlight of the holiday season in our lives. The program is a worship service, and tries hard to be serious business. Yet the joyful cacophony of pre-K to pre-teen voices singing their hearts out makes it difficult not to let out an equally joyful "YAY!!!" And that's what our 19 month-old granddaughter, Kendall, did after every song and every reading. Which of course caused old Granny here to laugh out loud. It didn't help that Keegan refused to sing and made funny faces for his mommy's flip video and his daddy's fabulous new camera (no flash allowed). Amazingly, when I started singing the words to his songs, he decided to sing too - and smile for the cameras. My guess is that I had nothing to do with it. His pre-K teacher was facing him and I'm sure she "suggested" that he start singing. Who knows?

This brief evening of song and scripture made my heart happy. I felt the essence of the reason for the season. A highlight happened when the esteemed kindergarteners YELLED their lyrics to "Away in the Manger" so loud that even the pastor's eyes got bigger.

What did Kendall have to say at the conclusion of this not-so-silent night? "YAY!" I couldn't agree with her more.

Through the Eyes of a Child

2009-12-20T19:10:00.001-08:00

I posted on Facebook tonight that whoever said we experience the magic of Christmas through the eyes and hearts of children was brilliant. Some people might say, "duh." But for those of us who never had children of our own, it's not always easy to make that connection. Thankfully, it's easier for me now because I have grandchildren. Yes, I married into them. I married a man who had a good son - and that son married a wonderful woman and they have two adorable children. Believe me, none of us are perfect by any means. We're a family, with all its imperfections. But the good news is that we love each other - and we love our extended family members too. Most of all, we love the little ones - and for Gary and me, that's Keegan and Kendall.

The other night when we went to see the annual Newport Harbor Parade of Lights, everyone was a bit tired after we enjoyed a pre-parade dinner at Wilma's Patio on Balboa Island. Papa was coming down with a cold. Kendall was crabby and her parents scoped out a great spot on the South Bayfront sea wall very close to Marine, the island's main street where our cars were parked. That left only me and Keegan to venture off down the bayfront walk in search of homes with great light displays. I had the divine privilege of taking Keegan's hand and bustling through the crowds till we found the house with the Santa on a trapzeze that crosses the walkway, a merry-go-round of reindeer, Santas on the rooftop and enough lights to give the Griswolds a run for their money. Just as we arrived at this amazing display of lights-cameras-action, the first boat in the parade was arriving. I pulled out my camera and took these photos of my precious grandson merrily enjoying the harbor lights.

I've been to dozens of these parades since I was a child and none has been more happily moving for me than this one, spent with an incredulous, excited five year-old boy. This is the eternal gift of special holiday memories....

Friends in Low Places

2009-12-16T15:07:00.000-08:00

My little buddies, Bindi Sue and Oscar, have been sleeping together every night in a little kitty bed that belonged to our big cat, Poudre, before Poudre left the planet a year ago. The kitty bed had been under our bed until I found it two weeks ago and pulled it out. I put it near the bedroom door with the intention of taking it to the garage for recycling. Didn't get around to it, so that night Oscar, our year-old male cat, slept in the bed. The next night, I looked down and saw that Bindi Sue had joined Oscar and they've been sharing the little bed ever since. Here are some photos to make you smile. Bindi and Oscar are my friends in low places!

Costco - Santa's Closet

2009-12-15T14:15:00.001-08:00

I went to Costco at noon with my associate, Patty, to buy a digital camera for the winner of the Silverado photo contest. We knew that was our purpose - getting a single camera. But of course, it was Costco, so we came out an hour later with a basket overflowing with everything from gift bags to vodka, dog treats to cranberry juice, hot dogs for lunch, and yes, the camera.

Costco is like Santa's big closet. Immediately upon entering, we fell under its spell, picking up tins of cookies, ogling the jewelry display and trying to restrain ourselves from buying techie stuff we don't need. Patty selected a packet of iPod gift cards, then put them back. I had my hands on a digital "frame," started to put it into the basket then stuck it back on the shelf. Same thing with a little Flip video camera. I wanted it because it was yellow and that's Gary's favorite color and oh what great videos we could make of our grandchildren, dogs and cats. Bad Shannie! I slapped my own hand and placed the Flip back in its cardboard holder.

In the air at Costco there is definitely a feeling of Christmas - and the Costco elves were very friendly, offering us food and smiles as we walked the bountiful aisles. I heart Santa's Closet!

End of My Holiday Pity Party

2009-12-14T21:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't been blogging much lately. It's been almost a month since my last post. Mom used to say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." That's my justification for not posting a message - I've had nothing "nice" to say.

Yes, I have a good job, a roof over my head, adorable pets, food on the table, even a splendid fall vacation to New England with a girlfriend. And yes, going into the holiday season I have felt depressed about my mom's health, the death of my precious stepdad, the absence of my brother, Gary's heart condition, the economy, finances and recent letdowns by people I hold dear to my heart. People like to say, "It is what it is." More and more that seems to be part of what a young friend calls "word vomit." Whatever (another awful buzz word) - I've been like sad sack Eeyore on negativity steroids.

Since Halloween, everything in my life has been about forced simplicity. Cutting back on celebration, holiday decor and expenses, my focus has been on the frugality needed to pay the rent and monthly bills, especially for Mom. Channeling my inner Pollyanna, I've stayed awake numerous nights wondering if something special might happen to turn the tide of anxiety that plagued me.

Like a corny song, out of the blue of the vast Internet came a little miracle. I discovered Susan and Barbara, two girlfriends I knew in Honolulu but had lost touch with for a dozen years. They now live a mile from one another in the Phoenix area. Was it coincidence they were in a place named for a legendary bird that burned up in a fire and then came back to life in a powerful way that healed itself and others? For me, the discovery was another remarkable experience of synchronicity.

I traveled to visit my old friends the first week in December. Our reconnection was both healing and FUN. They had stayed close, bouying one another's spirits over the years. My presence was unexpected, yet we were able to pick up where we left off, weaving the stories of children, jobs, relationships, joys and hardships into each other's lives in a way that enriched us to the core. Like me, these remarkable women have endured all kinds of challenges, heartbreaks and joys since we lived in Hawaii, making "lemonade" - or lemon drop martinis - from all of it.

Our laughter carried us through three days of catching up. In our joy, we reached out to other women friends we missed from Hawaii and had lost touch with - finding them via Facebook and LinkedIn. Who knows, perhaps in 2010 we'll stage a reunion of every girlfriend we loved in Hawaii, who lived and worked together for a season. That special season may turn into lifetime of friendship after all.

My personal holiday pity party is over. I'm still struggling with the upheaval in my family and how to deal with it; but I feel blessed by the possibilities of renewal of cherished friendships from the past and the healing of more recent friendships challenged by present circumstances. And best of all, I know I have a foundation of close friends to depend on, in the same way they depend on me, to get through any and all challenges. Clarence, the angel in "It's A Wonderful Life," said, "No man is a failure who has friends." Amen.

Keegan's Week

2009-11-16T17:24:00.000-08:00

This is Keegan's birthday week. He's turning five and making Papa and Granny feel alive! There is nothing that I can think of in my current life that compares to being Keegan's granny, except of course, being Kendall's granny too. It's a blessing to be trusted by our kids to care for the little ones when they need a day off. We are very grateful to be close and share all our love with them!!! Photos of Keegan at his visit to see Thomas the Tank Engine this past weekend. Big party next Saturday. Happy birthday, dear Keegan!!!

Sugar & Spice & Puppy Dog Tails Twice

2009-11-13T14:34:00.000-08:00

We had a great weekend with the grandchildren last Saturday and Sunday. Hard to believe another weekend is already here. Kendall (1.5) and Keegan (5) had a blast playing in the backyard with Bindi Sue and Vanna. Nothing like little kids screaming with glee while being chased by waggy-tail doggies. And when not outside being chased by the dogs, Kendall was playing "ride 'em Pluto" in the living room!

We had one breakdown when Bindi Sue jumped up and grabbed Keegan's leg when he was swinging, leaving a scratch and meriting a scream heard round the world. Thank goodness for Lightning McQueen bandaids. And Kendall has become a climbing monkey. I turned my back for 20 seconds and she had climbed the ladder up to the top of the "fort" and had already seated herself to come down the long yellow slide. My heart went immediately to my throat for a minute or two after that little trick. She can hardly walk and she's climbing a ladder! Granny Shanny almost had heart failure on the spot. Papa, on the other hand, thought it was great.

On Sunday morning, they like to sit together on the couch and watch their shows. The photo above was taken during "Curious George" - obviously a favorite of our little monkey, Kendall. Keegan enjoys growling at the TV. Later Kendall, who likes the Man with the Yellow Hat in Curious George, brought Papa his own hat, then sat in his lap while he ate his cinnamon toast.

At the end of the day, I sat down and relaxed with the puppy dogs, who were as exhausted as I was. But all of us were smiling...and it's good to be Granny!

Oh Happy Day

2009-11-07T14:54:00.000-08:00

The big Silverado Senior Living Four-Day Oboarding Training for new sales and marketing associates is over. It was a great culmination of many months of work for me and my team. Thankfully, we have more work now to tweak it and add what we learned may work even better before the next Onboarding in February, 2010.

How am I relaxing this weekend? Why, with my grandchildren of course! We went to lunch at BJ's Pizza and Brewery, played in the backyard ("Granny & Papa's Park") and now Kendall is napping while Keegan watches cartoons. Bindi Sue is asleep at Keegan's feet and Oscar Cat is behind them in his kitty condo. Beautiful, happy day at the Ingram's, feeling grateful for family and simplicity. Got some short ribs in the crock pot for dinner and some new books to read before bedtime. Life is good!

Career change advice #3 Shannon Ingram

2009-10-26T11:01:00.001-07:00

Career change advice #3 Shannon Ingram

Posted using ShareThis

Looking at Clouds from Both Sides Now

2009-10-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

Clouds...I learned to appreciate them when I first heard the lyrics to Joni Mitchell's wonderful song, "Both Sides Now," as sung by Judy Collins in 1968. It helped me to enjoy cloudy days, which wasn't easy to do for a Southern California high school student who loved being outside in the sunshine. I began to study clouds, although not scientifically - just looking at them, especially at sunset, sunrise, or gazing out of a window on a plane. I frequently traveled by air when I was in my 20's and 30's, hopping on a jet to fly back and forth from Los Angeles to St. Thomas or Honolulu. Staring at the clouds from my window seat became a meditation. I love clouds.

Metaphorically, clouds have come to mean the challenges life throws at me from time to time. I think about planes having to circle around those big thunder bumpers. I feel that same way about dealing with yucky stuff such as family squabbles and my mom's little old white dog, Bailey, who continues to lift his leg on Mom's bed and other furniture, even the base of the toilet in her bathroom, which is a bit easier to clean. I'd rather circle around those issues, but often I just have to fly through the cloud and hope for the best. The other side of the "Bailey cloud" is that Mom adores him, and that makes us happy.

The photos are a beautiful fall sky above our backyard, complete with clouds, and of course, Mom and Bailey.

Gary Hates Mercury Retrograde

2009-09-30T10:02:00.001-07:00

Thank goodness the recent period of Mercury Retrograde is over! This one was more challenging than usual for Gary, who hates the whole "concept" of the phenonmenon. Astrology is where you find the most information about Mercury's retrograde periods which happen about three times a year and are always about three weeks long. The planet slows it's orbit and appears to be going backwards, hence the term "retrograde." Astrologers and some physicists believe this has an impact on the earth's energy fields, especially those related to communication. Mercury rules communication, so lots of communication glitches seem to happen during these times. Computers crash. Car alarms go off in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. We can't remember where we parked our cars in a big lot. Our words get jumbled while we try to talk. Fender benders and weird kinds of accidents happen, most of which are not life-threatening, but can be extremely annoying.

Gary used to think it was hogwash. Over the years, though, he's learned that perhaps there is some merit to Mercury Retrograde theory, particularly as a rationale for all things more irritating than usual. Take his experience last week with a porta-potty.

Construction sites usually feature those wonderful blue portable "restrooms." Gary has one at a job he's currently managing. Well, last week he arrived for an early meeting and it had been knocked over, either by a car or by bratty teenagers in the neighborhood. Thankfully, it was "sealed" and nothing had leaked out to cause neighborhood evacuation. Gary called the porta-potty company to come set it up again.

Later that morning after Gary's meeting, it still wasn't upright, so he decided to be a hero for his construction workers in need. UNFORTUNATELY, as he was bringing it back into place, the door flew open and Gary was doused in sewage from his shorts to his shoes. He raced to a hose and tried his best to wash off, but ended up putting the shoes and socks in the back of his truck, then had to drive the 45 miles back home sitting on a plastic trash bag. When he got home, he promptly put his clothes in the garbage, his shoes in the washing machine with detergent and bleach, and took a very long, soapy shower. Then he sanitized his truck and finally, drove back to work.

When he got home that night, he actually had a drink with me, and we toasted Mercury. He's a believer now!

Back to Business & YOU

2009-09-24T12:55:00.000-07:00

Wow. What a great time we had at the UCLA Conference Center at Lake Arrowhead participating in yet another fantastic "Business & YOU" (B&Y) weekend workshop. It's always fun to reconnect with our old friends and acquaintances from the B&Y network, and always rewarding to share the excitement of such powerful information with people we just met. It's been over 10 years since Gary first attended B&Y, and almost 25 years since I went to "Money & YOU" at Makaha on the Hawaiian Island of Oahu. It's as amazing today as it was then. The information is new, thanks to the massive changes of the past quarter-century, especially in technology. The Blocks Game has "evolved." The results are always enlightening, if not downright transformational.

I loved spending time with my B&Y "family." Besides Gary, it now includes Jim Mikula and Ruth Ann Hattori, pictured above with daughter Sydney and another precious friend-like-family, Allen Mann, and with Jeff Perlis and Trev Pelzer (also pictured). Friends from our church, The Center for Spiritual Living/Orange County, attended this time - Christie Shulbin, pictured with Gary, and Marguerite and Dovell Bonnett.

It's fun to assess something new I've learned every time I go to a B&Y weekend. This time, my learning was all about INNOVATION and SERVICE. First innovation...I know that innovation cannot thrive in an environment where fear is a dominant emotion and permeates everything, whether it's a company, an office, a non-profit Board, a family or a single mind. Let me clarify that fear sometimes causes innovation to happen as a rejection of the fear. But innovation is driven by a quest for love, mastery, alignment and synergy. Silverado Senior Living has an operating philosophy of "Love > Fear." It's a foundation for our marketing strategy of innovation. I can see that more clearly after picking up some key distinctions this past weekend.

Next, service. I have a big ego. Most of us do, especially the people who say they do not, in my experience. At B&Y, I like to be in the training room, soaking up all the information along with the participants, even when I'm on the staff. I've been the staff logistics coordinator dozens of times and loved that leadership role. One of the most important staff jobs is to take care of the break food and beverages, and the person who does that has to be out of the room much of the weekend, attending to the veggies, fruits, crackers, iced tea, water, etc. The hardest job on staff is doing the music. I tried that once and decided it's just not the right job for my skills and talents.

This past weekend, I was offered the job of Music, and I turned it down, based on my previous challenges in that position. I recommended the workshop organizers invite Marcelo Soares, a young man I work with who took B&Y last March, to come and work the music, knowing he would enjoy reviewing the course, too. Marcelo, also pictured above, accepted the volunteer staff job instantly when they called him - and of course, he was fantastic. When I arrived on Friday morning, I was told I would be doing the food. For a split second, I think I may have winced, knowing I'd be out of the room for hours all weekend. And then my mind slipped back into memories of good times doing food at other workshops and how much I had learned about being of quiet service to others. Truly, it made for a magical weekend for me. I visited with participants who came to the break room to partake of the goodies (but didn't discuss the workshop, nor did I talk about what I do in "real life"). My ego settled into acceptance and I loved every minute of the work. And going with that flow seems to have allowed me to be in the room for some of the things I "needed to learn," like the information about innovation.

It was a fabulous weekend with a wondrous, committed and aligned staff - people who go back to their jobs as Assistant County Treasurer, President of a highly successful Oregon seminar business, Resort Hotel Manager, ER/Trauma Physician, owner/president of Maui's largest independent catering and party rentals companies, Contractor/Certified Aging in Place Specialist, Production & Traffic Manager, Real Estate Brokerage Owner, Retired President of Major Clothing Company/Innovation Consultant, and Director of Marketing of world-class senior care company. We checked our egos at the door and created a great experience for the participants. And it just doesn't get any better than that.

Finally, I feel deeply grateful to Marshall Thurber, David Neenan, Jim and Ruth Ann, who have created and continuously refined this workshop to make it the very best there is. And to Carol Maero Fetzer, Dan Fetzer, Dwight O'Neil, Bob Bender, Sharon Neenan and Allen, who have been the lights in the back of the room, producing the workshop over the years, or serving as logistics coordinators, showing the way for people like me.

The Silverado Martini

2009-09-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

OK, everyone, how cool is this? Last week Silverado hosted about 50 family members and friends for a party at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills to celebrate the pre-opening of our new community, Silverado Beverly Place. The party was called "A Silver Soiree." Our new Administrator, Phill Barklow, being a brilliant marketer AND former bartender, suggested we have a "signature cocktail" for the event. He came up with one and the Hotel's beverage manager was so impressed with the tasty concoction that they put it on the bar menu at the Peninsula! Here it is.....

THE SILVERADO MARTINI

One ounce of Ketel One Citron Vodka
One ounce fresh squeezed Lemon Juice
2 table spoons simple syrup (can use sugar to substitute)
3 ounces Champagne (Moet White Star seems to work best)
½ ounce of Chambord

Of course it goes into a chilled glass with sugared rim, and is served with a twist of lemon on the side of the glass - and in the case of our party, the outside edge of the twist had been dipped in silver! AMAZING. You can get it at the Peninsula for just $16; however they may be raising the price to $20 and donating $4 of every drink purchased to the Alzheimer's Association. I thought the ice sculpture of our logo (also pictured) was the coolest thing (pun intended) until I realized having a Silverado Signature Martini lasts longer.

Creepy Crank Callers

2009-08-26T16:14:00.001-07:00

Both Gary and I have been working practically 24/7 the past couple of weeks. He rises early and is out the door by 4:30 AM. I get up a bit later. He goes to bed around 8:30. I go to bed a LOT later. If we are lucky, we have dinner together and watch "Wheel of Fortune." We've both been working weekends, too - either on the real job stuff or the volunteer job stuff. Last night I discovered that we do indeed need to spend more time with each other.

While I was at a WomanSage Board Meeting, Gary received a call on his cell phone from an anonymous creep who made some nasty comments about Gary and me. It was very disturbing for Gary and when I came home, he let me know how upset he was. Thankfully, we communicate quite well after all these years, and we were able to get through the storm of negative emotions, albeit with some minor scars.

Both of us stayed awake most of the night trying to figure out who would make such a call. Who would know that kind of information, have Gary's phone number and be with a group of laughing men when the call was placed? Who would think that was funny? Who could be so immature and mean? Clearly, it's not for us to know at this point. An old friend of mine, Sue, wrote on my Facebook wall, "Look at it this way, you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and you're not them! You're ahead!"

One thing this experience has awakened in my mind is what it's like to be hazed or stalked by someone you don't know who makes hurtful or untrue allegations seem true. I thought about the young girl who committed suicide by hanging herself after being plagued by mean messages on her MySpace page - messages that her family later discovered were left by the mother of one of her teenage girlfriends.

It's good to be able to suck it up and move on. But some people are more fragile than Gary and I are, and a message such as the one we got could have had more dire consequences. Shame on you, whoever you are. What goes around comes around...

Whatever Happened to Golf & Travel?

2009-08-15T09:23:00.000-07:00

When Mom turned 50, she celebrated with a dinner party at the Newport Harbor Yacht Club with her new boyfriend, Jack, who later became my stepfather. I remember she said it was now time for her to live on the waterfront, belong to the yacht club, travel and learn to play golf. She'd been working for 15 years as an interior designer and had weathered a bitter divorce.

Mom never learned to play golf, but she made good on her commitments to the waterfront home, yacht club and travel. Throughout her 50's, 60's & 70's, she and Jack lived a lavish lifestyle of the rich not famous. Who needed fame? They had a home on Linda Isle, private plane, 55' motoryacht, condo in Palm Desert, mountain cattle ranch retreat, and they traveled the world in first class style. They took several trips around Europe in a big Mercedes with a private Italian driver named Remo. When they went to Paris, it had to be on the Concorde because it was the fastest way to get there. One glitch on that trip was that Jack dropped his glasses into the potty on the plane and it was the only pair he had brought, so they waited three hours while men with very long plastic gloves searched for his glasses. When found, they were sterilized, then Jack and Mom went on their way to join Remo.

At age 27, I was living and working on a private charter yacht in St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, when my parents decided to "drop in" for a visit. They didn't come to stay with me on our 46' sloop, but instead brought three other couples from Newport Beach and chartered "Panda," a 129' schooner skippered by our friends, Bill and Grace Bodle. No slouches, my parents. At least I got to go aboard for a tour of the yacht while they were in port. I remember watching them sail out of Charlotte Amalie as I was sanding the rim around the hatch that opened to the main salon of our "little boat." Wiping perspiration from my forehead, I paused to wonder if I would ever graduate from crew to guest on a yacht. "Maybe when I'm in my 50's," I thought. It made me think it couldn't be so bad to get old.

Today I sit here giggling at my computer, taking a break from a work project that has brought me to the office on a weekend. My 50's are NOT about luxury travel. I reflect on those days of hard work as a deck slave and cook in the Virgin Islands as if they were part of a magical dream come true. My working wardrobe consisted mostly of bikinis and cover-ups. I didn't need nail polish and make-up every day. I had sunscreen and elbow grease. Now I work long hours, thankfully at a job I love. I only travel on business, or for an important family gathering. I haven't played a round of golf in seven years, although earlier this year I did get to use a putter at the home country club of my friend, Marianne Towersey (pictured here) in Pebble Beach.

The irony? Today I work primarily to support my mom! And every weekend, I go to spend time with Mom at the Assisted Living community where she lives and I listen to her talk about her exotic life's adventures.

Don't get me wrong. I don't feel resentful. This is my life and it's still all about my choices. My husband and I are not millionaires. We work hard just to stay afloat from paycheck to paycheck. We find our joy in spending time with pets, grandchildren, nieces, friends, co-workers, and yes, even with Mom. We donate time, talent and even a little money to causes we believe in - our church, WomanSage, the Alzheimer's Association, the National Family Caregivers Association. And we relish memories of the few years where we DID get to travel and play golf.

More golf and travel? We have hope! After all, 60 is the new 50...

Hot Fun in the Summertime

2009-07-29T16:37:00.000-07:00

What do you think of when you hear the word "summertime?" Here are some of the thoughts that come to my mind...

Going to baseball games. When I lived in Colorado, we went to lots of Rockies games at Coors Field. This past week, we went to a Dodger game in Los Angeles with Dru and Larry. Larry's tickets were right by third base and just a few rows up from the Dodger dugout, which meant Gary could stare at one of his heroes, Joe Torre. We ate Dodger dogs, peanuts, kettle corn, pretzels and drank beer. Dru and I tried to catch foul balls in our hats (photo), but thankfully that didn't happen, although a few got very close. And by the way, the Dodgers beat the Marlins.

The Beach. I love the fragrance of coconut oil mixed with salty sea air. I can't go and walk in the sand or swim in the ocean this summer due to foot surgery; but it's not keeping me from spending time on a cliff above the ocean enjoying the seaside panorama, people-watching, the occasional dolphin sighting, and the beautiful weather.

Band Concerts in the Park. The granddaddy of Mission Viejo concerts in the park happens this Saturday when the Pacific Symphony comes back again to delight young and old. Picnics on blankets, sipping wine coolers, watching children run around the park and the sunset through the trees as some of the world's most beautiful music is played right there in our "backyard." It doesn't get much better than that.

Pool Parties. We rely on Dru and Larry for these. Hours spent floating in their pool and talking about everything under the sun, and sometimes the moon. We bring the wine and soda. They have the plastic cups and "noodles" for floating.

Hamburgers and Hot Dogs. Maybe this started with baseball games, the county fairs of my childhood or trips to Disneyland, but summer isn't summer without a certain amount of hot dogs and burgers. The photo here was taken at the recent "National Hot Dog Day" party at Silverado Senior Living - San Juan Capistrano. Even the mayor came. He likes hot dogs, too.

Rum Drinks. Mai Tais, Pina Coladas, Blue Hawaii's, Bikini Martini's - all favorites, especially when they come with a little paper umbrella and a cherry.

Ice Cream. Is it any wonder the last three items on my summer list are all about food and beverages? Ice cream is the VERY BEST! Not even lactose intolerance keeps us from enjoying the occasional ice cream binge when the temp outside gets above 85.

Hope you are having some hot fun in the summertime!

...of Cabbages and Kings

2009-07-22T14:24:00.000-07:00

It's been nearly a month since my last posting. I've been very busy lighting up the Internet via Facebook and Twitter, getting used to short messages. Yet today I want to say a bit more, as the Walrus said, "to talk of many things," so decided to jump on the blog.

I'm a big proponent of seniors giving up their car keys when it's apparent they are a danger to everyone around them when they get behind the wheel. That being said, it's really REALLY hard to give up driving. I did it for a month while my right foot healed from surgery to remove a bunion and hammertoe. Life was NOT great during that time of having to depend on people to schlep me to and from the office, meetings, church, supermarket, doctor's appointments, and so much more. I gave up my independence and hated it. So now I know how much it will "suck," if and when I need to give up my driving privileges forever.

Gary and I went to Anne Nelson's memorial service at CBS "TV City" in Los Angeles last week and enjoyed being with a couple hundred of Anne's friends, associates and family members. Did you know Art Linkletter is still alive? He's 97 and he was one of the best eulogists that night. Leslie Moonves, CEO of CBS, was a speaker too. So was I (never miss a chance to tell a good story), and so was the actor Robert Conrad, who was one of Anne's best friends. My cousin, Dru, and her mom, my Aunt Bettie, were delighted to pose for a photo with Donna Mills, from Knot's Landing, one of their all-time favorite shows.

We have a pumpkin patch in our backyard now. We're also growing cabbages, lettuce, tomatoes, basil, parsley, peppers and more. I love having a little herb and veggie garden. The only challenge is keeping the dogs out of it. I guess that's better than trying to keep rabbits out.

Attended an excellent WomanSage presentation about social networking by Denise Shiffman, author of "The Age of Engage." She says you simply must be on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. I'm on all three; however I wasn't really using LinkedIn or Twitter until I listened to Denise. I went from seven to 70 contacts on LinkedIn within a few days. Don't know how many I have now. And I started Tweeting too. One of my Silverado associates, Mary Poole, tweets about Alzheimer's and dementia - constantly. In fact, she has so much information that we are using it in the Silverado clinical blog.

Speaking of Silverado's blogs, we now have two. You can check them out by clicking on the button on our "landing page" - www.silveradosenior.com. The Silverado Life blog writing is being shared by me and our marketing intern, Tara, who is a welcome addition to our team this summer.

Have you ever heard of fire-hooping? Tara the intern is an MBA candidate at Cal State University, Fullerton, and she is also a professional "fire-hooper," who twirls a torch-lit hula hoop around her waist. I watched her in a video and couldn't keep my mouth closed. Gary and I are thinking of hiring her to perform at a party in our backyard later this summer.

My associate, Patty, is keeping the King of Pop alive here in our office. She has been listening to all Michael Jackson, all the time, for nearly a month. Actually, I think today is the first day since Jackson's untimely death that I haven't heard "Beat It" or "Billie Jean" coming from her office. Maybe it's time to "Heal the World" and get on with life.

Gary went on a four-day fishing trip this past weekend and returned with 8 pounds of yellowtail. I wanted to make sashimi, but instead we took it over to Kathy J's house and had a sunset grilled fish-fest overlooking the big fish's former home, the Pacific Ocean. The fish was delicious, although Gary insisted on having steak because he doesn't like fish. Ironic, yes - but more fish for me.

I'm out of the dreadfully unpleasant "bigfoot boot" now and into a little shoe for a few weeks until my foot heals enough to fit into a sneaker. At least I can drive, which is great because now I can go over and visit my mom and listen to her complain constantly about not being able to drive any more.

Death in 3 x 2

2009-06-25T21:32:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling kind of sorry for myself the past week because I had two surgeries in six days. They were pretty minor, although the bunion and hammertoe fix yesterday, while not life-threatening, is life-limiting. It's painful and I have to depend on a husband who has a cold or, like Blanche DuBois, "the kindess of strangers." Neverthelss, I'm still alive and typing this blog entry, so that's a good thing.

My superstitious mother has always believed in the old "deaths run in threes" riddle. Whenever two people we knew would pass away within a couple of weeks of each other, my mom would always be waiting for the third person to die. She used to say she held this belief because, "I was Irish before I was Catholic," whatever that means (I'll have to google it).

This week we experienced a double dose of the "runs in three's" death spree. Mom's dear friend, Anne Nelson, mother of my friend, Gaye, whom I've written about in other postings, passed away suddenly on Saturday. Anne and Gaye are pictured above. Anne was the longest tenured employee of CBS and had just left her job at the network in January. How awful it must have been to leave a job with a beloved company you'd been with for 64 years. That's like a death.

Today I learned that two other friends from church, Sandy and John (not related), left the planet too. Sandy was an entrepreneur who started a company that made choclate mousse. John was a college professor. In the realm of the famous, we said good-bye to Ed McMahon, beautiful Farrah Fawcett, and now the King of Pop.

With so many people I knew personally or via their fame transitioning this week, I wonder if I'll remember exactly where I was when I heard about Michael Jackson's death today, as every news reporter is predicting we will. I do recall where I was when I heard about Elvis, John Lennon and Princess Diana. It shouldn't be too hard to remember today's news because I was sitting in Gary's recliner feeling a significant amount of self-pity. I've claimed the chair as my "camp site" for a few days while I have to keep my foot up. I'm eating, sleeping, watching TV and working in the recliner. I get five minutes once very two hours to get up and do whatever I need to do such as visit the loo (that's a "recliner rhyme"). I was away from camp for a bit too long earlier this evening. Feeling the foot pain right now just reminds me that I'm ALIVE.

More on my dear departed friends another day. For now, it's time to enjoy all the vintage footage of Michael Jackson in his "Thriller" heyday, before he became "Wacko Jacko." I loved his music. And I'm relishing photos of Farrah's beautiful smile and great layers of curly blonde hair. I loved her red bathing suit.

Life is good.

Tissues Galore

2009-06-14T19:21:00.000-07:00

Who knew I would need an entire box of tissue for one college graduation? My heart was filled with pride and I burst into tears when Lindsey walked past us in the procession on Husky field. Thank goodness she was carrying her huge "fishy purse" with blue and white stripes that were impossible to miss. And next to her was her roommate, Shannon, wearing a lavendar halo on her mortar board. That being said, the efforts of our fashionistas weren't quite as noticeable as the ones carrying huge signs reading, "HIRE ME NOW!!" And not even the fishy purse, signs or people demonstrating against the presence of commencement speaker Robert Gates, US Defense Secretary, could stop my personal waterworks. Yesterday, I learned that the college graduation celebration of a beloved child one has supported in realizing a dream is indeed emotionally compelling.

My mom paid the out-of-state tuition for Lindsey for the first three years of her studies at the University of Washington. When Mom's college fund for Lindsey ran out, Lindsey's mom and her family, plus Gary and I, did everything we could to help her finish school because by then she was totally hooked on staying at UW. We took out loans and Lindsey went to work at two different jobs - one at the university's event ticket office and the second at Nordstrom. Carrying a full load of classes, playing in the Husky band and working more than part-time, Lindsey learned to be extraordinarily disciplined because she wanted to finish in four years. And she did it!! With her degree in Anthropology (and minor in Music), she is equipped to do almost anything in terms of a lifelong career. And she's tired of people asking her if she's going to be like Indiana Jones. She wants to work in sales, marketing, communications, the travel industry (think Expedia) or human resources. We are so proud.

In this last year of college, Lindsey also learned the power of networking. She loves her work at Nordstrom and would like to stay with the company and move into management. One of her customers in the childrens' shoe department is a woman who works in management. Lindsey has enjoyed talking with her whenever she shops for her children. Long story short, Lindsey will be making good money this summer working as a five-days per week nanny for this woman, who has pledged to support Lindsey in seeking a better job in Nordstrom corporate. And Lindsey will also continue working part-time in children's shoes; however most of that money will no doubt go to paying for her own weakness - designer shoes, the occasional frou-frou purse, like the now famous fishy one.

Lindsey and her boyfriend of two years, Nels, whom Gary has nicknamed "Thor" because he's "the Norse god of thunder," graduated together. And they are staying together, too - planning to share the same address now. And although no one is pressuring them with talk of a wedding, we had a great time partying as a group. Gary and I had a marvelous time getting to know Nels' parents, Kim and Larry, their daughter, Lizzie and son-in-law, Adam. The weekend was like a big happy family reunion!

Shoes, purses, Nordstrom, boyfriend....I'm so proud of our Lindsey Lou. Excuse me while I go get more tissue!

Sleepy in Seattle

2009-06-11T21:20:00.000-07:00

Not much sleep last night - maybe two hours max - mostly because I was packing for our Seattle trip. We left the house at 5 AM for an 8 AM flight out of Orange County. Gary likes to hurry up and wait. I packed strategically in two small carry-on's for both of us. That meant only two pairs of shoes - a big stretch for me, even with a bad foot. I also forgot about the "No Liquids" rule, so I lost a really nice bottle of hand lotion and some expensive hair product. Thankfully, Gary left his torch cigar lighter in the car.

After the delay at the security check-point, we were still able to go out earlier on the 7 AM flight. I had hoped to sleep, but not a chance. Too much excitement. Gary cut his hand putting the bags into the overhead and proceeded to bleed all over his light gray Washington Huskies golf shirt and blue jeans before he would allow me to ask the flight attendant for a napkin. Another great start to a vacation. He looked as if he had been in a slasher movie.

We enjoyed spending the day with niece Lindsey and her enormous Himalayan cat, Paris. We left Paris and went with Lindsey to Burger Master for lunch - great burgers! Seattle has fabulous restaurants in my opinion. We dropped Lindsey at her house to wait for her mom and other family members who arrived this afternoon, and drove downtown to check into our hotel. I had planned to take a nap, but that didn't happen because Gary needed to go find a place to have a cigar. That's not easy in this town. We ended up in a park halfway to the waterfront where Gary could puff away along with a few dozen tatooed Goths, each sucking on some kind of cancer stick or "medicinal weed." A braless young woman with eye-popping fuschia hair and hundreds of piercings on her face and neck, sat on a bench playing a bongo drum, tapping her platform steel-toed commando boots to the beat. Several of them sported "guyliner," apparently unaware that it's now in the mainstream thanks to Adam from American Idol. Watching the Goth brigade made us think about how Seattle gave birth to Nirvana many years ago. Today, it's "Bongo Babe" and company.

After all that entertainment, we walked down to Pike Place and I took photos of the fragrant fish and flowers. Sweet peas and salmon...an unusual for the senses.

Stopped for a light dinner at yet another wonderful Seattle restaurant called The Steelhead Diner. It's on the hill above Pike Place, across from the Inn at the Market boutique hotel, so it's got a great view. We laughed about the "Flash Fried Cheese Curds" because one rarely encounters those outside of Minnesota and Wisconsin; but Alec the bartender told us the cheese comes from Bleecher's Cheese Factory across the street. We'd been there earlier to watch them making cheese. And the Diner serves the cheese curds with "tangy mustard & tartar sauce." Yum. The woman next to me ordered a beautiful "work of art" dish - "Heirloom Beet Tartare with Rogue Creamery Oregonzola & Crispy Yucca Chips." I mean, we just don't get that kind of creative food in Mission Viejo. I think I'll be able to go to sleep now in joyful anticipation of tomorrow's dining adventures. Oh, and Lindsey's graduation too!!

Lovers Lane

2009-06-08T15:59:00.000-07:00

The long Oriental rug in our living room has become "Lovers Lane" for Bindi Sue and Oscar. Their nightly ritual is more fun to watch than "Wipe Out," that crazy summertime reality game show. It appears that Oscar plays "King" and Bindi plays "slave girl" in this new game they have invented. They never stray from the runner. It's very different from the morning ritual, which is "Tag" wherein Bindi is always "It" chasing after Oscar. We have lost several ceramic items, a lamp and two glasses to "Tag" recently. That's the cost of this particular form of entertainment.

Seahorses and Special Clams

2009-06-03T17:55:00.001-07:00

The Monterey Aquarium is a “don't miss” on any trip to Northern California and this last week was no exception. Our good friend, Marianne, took us to see the very special seahorse exhibit that is being featured now. I used to see tiny seahorses when snorkeling in crystal waters at Christmas Cove in the Virgin Islands. This exhibit had some of those little guys, but also included some large and unusual species. My favorites were the ones that look like lacy green plants moving gracefully in the water. They looked like exotic swimming lettuce leaves. I learned something else, too – that male seahorses carry the babies and actually give birth. Amazing.

On our drive up Highway 1 the day before visiting the Aquarium, Gary and I had to find a topic of conversation that would keep us from arguing, so we somehow got into the origins of slang words that describe certain male and female body parts. We were talking about the National Spelling Bee, which had just ended, and the etymology of words when I passed a car with a license plate that included the word, “BEAVER.” Our conversation went straight downhill from there as we began trying to figure out the etymology of slang words like “beaver,” “schlong,” and “bearded clam” – but at least we were laughing hysterically instead of screaming at each other!

After that uproarious and somewhat scatological session on the foggy coastline, it was fitting that Gary would be seeking to find some bearded clams at the Aquarium, especially after learning about those poor male seahorses. The other two photos above depict the results of his pursuit.

So Happy Together

2009-06-01T12:59:00.001-07:00

We survived another road trip....barely. Drove up Highway 1 last week to visit our friends, Marianne and Brian, in Pebble Beach and do a little business at Silverado Senior Living - Belmont Hills. Why Highway 1? Because we've never done it together and it seemed like a fun idea. Not so much.

It was foggy, cold and drizzly for most of the trip and I was driving. I thought it would be nice if I drove and Gary could enjoy the scenery. Instead, Gary chain-smoked cigars, kept his eyes on the road or me, and complained endlessly about the other drivers, my penchant for sight-seeing while driving, the condition of the highway, why we were taking that route, blah-blah-blah F-ing blah. Hoping to improve his disposition, I suggested lunch in Cambria. Ordinarily a burrito is a source of great joy, but not this time, as you can see from the picture.

Anyone who knows Highway 1 between Morro Bay and Carmel is aware of the dozens of picturesque bridges, which to a bridge-phobic freak like me are right out of the scariest horror movie scenes. I faced my fear and drove across them anyway, white knuckles on the steering wheel and pedal to the metal. At least my mini panic-attacks momentarily stopped Gary's griping. He helped by suggesting I count the bike racks on the top of the car in front of us as we crossed the longest bridge.

From now on, Gary will drive, whether he wants to or not. If I have to drive, he will most certainly drive ME crazy. The good news is, we had a fabulous time with our friends. On Saturday night, we went to the Monterey Rock 'n Rod Festival and saw a performance by one of my favorite 60's groups, The Turtles. I read that at the height of their popularity, The Turtles played to stadium crowds of 55,000 people and more. There may have been 300 at this little concert. We had no trouble finding a good seat. The Turtles are now two old guys - a fat one with long, curly hair and a bald one with a white beard. I had to close my eyes when they sang, "Me and you, and you and me, no matter how they toss the dice, it had to be..." remembering those precious days in the '60's when I loved that song.

After a delightful weekend, Gary drove us home. We listened to a book on tape that Brian gave us. And thankfully, even after five days on the road, we remain "...so happy together."

Dirty Dancing French Dip

2009-05-23T20:06:00.000-07:00

Memorial Day weekend called for a little overnight trip this year. We left the pets in the great care of Lindy our friend & pet-sitter and journeyed to.....LA! I got tickets to see Dirty Dancing at today's matinee at the Pantages in Hollywood. Knowing that would thrill Gary as much as being circumsized at 14, I knew I would need some other activities to sweeten the weekend. I found one on the "Man v Food" TV show. One of Gary's favorite foods is a French Dip Beef Sandwich. The Food Network show recently featured a place called The Original Philippe - home of the original French Dip - and it was in downtown LA. I also got a great deal on a room at Le Parc Suite in West Hollywood for a big suite in a beautiful, quiet neighborhood. And finally, I found a cigar bar that had big screen TVs showing the basketball playoff game so Gary could root for the Denver Nuggets. Those considerations made up for the insufferable chick show. He didn't hate it because there was so much more...I loved every minute of the musical and have enjoyed Gare-Bear's good mood buoyed by excellent French Dip, cigars, nice suite and...well, we won't mention the basketball game.

Parrotheads Flock

2009-05-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

After my last post about my adventure in Tijuana with a parrot many years ago, it was somehow appropriate to join a gazillion parrotheads at Jimmy Buffett's concert in Irvine last night. Doing the parrothead thing has become an annual tradition for Gary and me. We especially enjoy the "pre-show" in the parking lot where thousands of adults make complete idiots of themselves in the name of Margaritaville. The legendary "RV area" was in fine form again last night featuring "shooters for hooters" and a souped up golf cart with blenders ablaze on the back, making margaritas to give to anyone who would show an I.D. and a "private" body part.

Inside the amphitheater, things were a bit more tame, although security was called - as it is every year - to smooth over a fight because drunken parrotheads refused to remove big hats that were blocking the view of the more sober folks behind them. Our section was colorful. We had the dude with the parrot on his head, pictured here, as well as Nan, Ron & Marilyn, also pictured. One of my favorite moments came when Nan was trying to engage Ron in a parrothead dance, but he was too pre-occupied trying to get the basketball game score. Fourth generation Coloradoan Gary, in one of his more serious moods for a Buffett event, lightened up considerably after learning the Denver Nuggets had beaten the Lakers.

Heard all my favorite tunes, plus some new ones. Loved the one about surfing in a hurricane! The best part of the concert for me probably went unnoticed by most of the crowd. It was old film footage on the big screen of Jimmy on the boat he owned when I was living in St. Thomas back in 1978-79. He was staying on his sailboat in a slip at the marina where I worked as Executive Director of the Virgin Islands Charteryacht League. My office was right on the dock and I would say hi to him almost every day when I walked to work. He always greeted me. I remember he had lots of wavy "dirty blonde" hair. He was a babe. This had to be right around the time he struck it rich with "Margaritaville" because I recall singing it in the Crow's Nest Bar that was above my office on the dock. Jimmy, the "son of a son of a sailor," was alone most days, and he did his own sanding and varnishing. Occasionally he would sit in the cockpit and play his guitar.

I'm glad I did my retirement in reverse. Those priceless days of living on a boat, spending lunch hours snorkeling off Water Island in Charlotte Amalie Harbor, joining friends on their boats for pina coladas at sunset, swimming naked at Christmas Cove, and listening to a famous pirate make music dockside are invaluable memories today as I face the reality of working until I leave the planet. They actually give me the strength to carry on and enjoy everything while it lasts...

Col. Robert Walker

2009-05-20T16:35:00.000-07:00

One of the greatest gifts of my first marriage to Bruce Stewart has been the wonderful Walker family - Bruce's sister Evelyn, her husband, Robert and their daughters, Kathleen and Janine. They began showering joy on my life in 1976 when I first met Evelyn and Robert for a memorable weekend trip to Ensenada that Bruce had arranged. Like Bruce, Evelyn and Bob were a lot older than I was; but we got along famously, thanks to our mutual love of good Mexican food, beer and margaritas - and especially cactus candy. The cactus candy helped us cross the border with a live parrot sitting inside a partially covered clay pot in the back of Robert's VW camper. Bruce offered some of the sticky candy to the border patrol agent as the rest of us sat transfixed with fake smiles covering our terror at the thought of being arrested and thrown into a Mexican prison. The agent accepted the treat from Bruce, laughed at the gringos eating such a local type of food, and waved us on.

We took a deep breath as we drove away from the border crossing station and the parrot let out a very loud squawk. Timing is everything.

Bruce told us the parrot was a gift for his hairdresser in exchange for free haircuts for life. "Life" turned out to be about two months because the stylist moved to another state and took the parrot with her. Thinking back, and knowing Bruce, there was probably more involved than haircuts in the payback. He was a very creative ladies man.

Back to the Robert Walker story. Robert was kind, calm, gentle and incredibly wise. He was from Grand Island, Nebraska. During World War II, he was one of the lucky few to come out of D-Day alive. He rose to the rank of Army Colonel and became an attorney after the war, eventually becoming a Judge Advocate.

Some of the best stories I ever heard have been told by Robert. He always had a twinkle in his eye. He wrote the family Christmas letter every year, complete with rhyming verses. His patience was well-known and had a calming effect on the more dynamic personalities in his household, namely Evelyn and Kathleen (Janine is more like her dad). Evelyn can talk a blue streak. She's VERY fun and always has something to share. Bob could listen to her for hours and enjoy every word. He was deeply in love with his "sweetie."

Evelyn and Robert were awesome role models for me in terms of creating a mutually respectful and loving marriage. Robert was more like a father-in-law to me than a brother-in-law. I always welcomed his advice and counsel. Evelyn is more than a sister-in-law - she is a dear friend. Their daughters, Kathleen and Janine, have been like sisters or cousins to me - and very close friends because we are the same age.

After Bruce died, I stayed in touch with my precious Walker family, seeing them once or twice a year to catch up and enjoying the occasional long phone conversation. They welcomed Gary into the clan in much the same way Gary welcomed the presence of Bruce's memory in my life. I know it may have been a bit hard for Evelyn and Robert to embrace Gary because they adored Bruce and were as shocked and distraught as I was to lose him in 1995.

Robert passed away on Monday, May 18th at the age of 91, with Evelyn and Janine at his side. Kathy was at work, but she rushed home to be there with her mom and sister to say good-bye before the coroner arrived.

Gary and I will spend this Sunday with the extended Walker family, including Janine's husband. We'll talk for hours about Robert and the magnificent story of his life. Evelyn and Kathy will talk about their many trips to France with Robert to celebrate the anniversaries of D-Day. Kathy and I will remember the time we spent sailing around the Virgin Islands with Bruce, my brother, John, and our old friend, Jerry Payne. Janine and I will compare notes about caregiving and our mutual love of The Crab Cooker in Newport Beach. We'll discuss the many building projects Robert carried out over the years including when Bruce helped him put the roof on the house in LA that is still the family homestead. We'll reminisce about our fun times together in the Virgin Islands, Hawaii and Mexico. Gary will talk about home remodeling with Janine's husband, Steve. And no doubt Evelyn and I will relive that infamous parrot adventure and the cactus candy in Robert's trusty old VW camper at the Tijuana border. Somehow I just know Robert will be there listening...

MacGyver's Fountain

2009-05-19T12:52:00.001-07:00

The true spirit and essence of MacGyver lives in my husband, Gary. He can improvise a solution to almost any complex building dilemma in a matter of minutes, usually involving yards of duct tape, a nail gun, a cigar and loud noises.

While enjoying the park-like setting of our backyard during the recent Easter party, I mentioned that it would be nice to have a mobile water feature, something we could take with us, if and when we decide to buy another house. We had to leave behind the two fountains that we permanently installed at our home in Costa Mesa and I missed the sweet sound of water, especially after a long, stressful day at work. He agreed, but he didn't offer a solution.

Cut to April 22nd when Gary took seven baby chicks he'd gotten from a coworker up to the Garner Ranch. When I arrived home that evening, he was unloading a rusty old Maytag ringer washing machine that he had found in the ranch "bone yard" behind the barn. Our brother-in-law gave it to Gary with his blessings.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked.

"It's a surprise," he replied.

When Gary says it's a surprise, I never know quite what to expect. It might be something fabulous like the deck he built in the backyard of our home in Parker, CO. Or it might be something useful but ghastly looking, like the shelves in my kitchen in Costa Mesa. Either way, I decided to wait and see what he had in mind before risking a comment that might damage his creative character.

Last Friday, I came home late from a grueling day at work and heard what sounded like a fountain gurgling nearby. I ventured into the backyard and there on the patio was Gary with his new prize - the old Maytag ringer washing machine had morphed into a fountain - my dream come true! There was no duct tape in sight. I squealed with delight and clapped my hands as Gary puffed out his chest and puffed on his cigar. "I'll install it against the fence somewhere in the yard next weekend," he said. My beloved MacGyver strikes again!

Overcoming Guilt

2009-05-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

Mom's hospice nurse called me two days ago to ask if I could pick up four pairs of compression stockings because her legs are bleeding again. Of course, the call came in the midst of one of the busiest weeks I've had in years. And it's good old "Mercury Retrograde," a three-week period when all kinds of annoying things happen, generally not life-threatening, but painful nonetheless. Do a search on "Mercury Retrograde" to learn more. While talking with the nurse, I remembered that I had some med's to pick up for Mom in Costa Mesa, and I was supposed to have done that last weekend. Feelings of guilt and sadness overcame me and I wanted to cry. After all, on Monday I found time to take Bindi Sue to the vet for an eye infection courtesy of her best friend, Oscar kitty. But I didn't remember Mom's med's. As the guilt turned into tears, I remembered to BREATHE. Nice, long, deep breaths. And then to forgive myself. And finally, to have a brief laugh about Bindi and Oscar and the "Circle of Life" (see photo) at our home. The pets are such good therapy. So now I'll allow myself to go and get Mom this afternoon to take her to have her hair cut and styled and to pick up her supplies. And then I'll breathe some more...

Mom Turns 87

2009-05-04T17:06:00.000-07:00

The party was a lot smaller than those we've had in the past, but Mom still enjoyed celebrating her 87th birthday this year. It was made more special by a visit from my brother, John, who had dropped by earlier in the weekend. The peace of mind that John's visit gave Mom made a huge difference in her level of engagement in her birthday activities. I thought she might feel somewhat sad because of Jack's recent passing; but she consoled herself by looking at photos of past birthday parties - his and hers.

My mom has always been a party maven. She used to throw amazing parties, from the first one I remember - a Roaring 20's themed event at our home in Long Beach when I was four - to all of our family weddings to hoe downs for 300 at the Garner Ranch to her own 80th birthday at Bayside Restaurant in Newport Beach. She had the party gene, a little bit of which I inherited but don't use as often as she did. She loved to entertain - still does in her own way. She has friends over to her studio apartment where she shares wine and stories.

I had to share a couple of photos of her from yesterday's celebration. I hope they make you smile.